Horses Are Prejudiced (And Other Interesting Things) - MMP

[swampbear]

@Taters

Well, my day playing hooky was lotso fun. We went bowling and drank five pitchers of beer! I was absolutely horrible (ya think the beer had something to do with it?), but it was all very good and cheap entertainment.

Our friends decided they needed to stop at Wally World on the way back home to buy pool chemicals. Since they drove, we had to go with them. This was a BIG mistake. Every single time we accompany them on their errands, WE spend the big wad of money and they don’t spend anything. Last weekend they wanted plants from the nursery, but I was the one who purchased one hundred dollars worth, while she spent only $28.00. So anyhoo, into the store we all troop and I notice BBQs on sale. You all may or may not remember that my BBQ had died a terrible cancerous death so we WERE in dire need of a new one. So, guess what I bought. It’s not exactly what I wanted, but it DOES have cast iron burners, so hopefully it will last a good while now. After our shopping expedition, we went back to our friends’ house and played horse. The pool was full and the boys decided they needed to take a dip. So they stripped down to their skivvies and jumped in. They were trying to make us gals jump in, but we most politely declined.

Yesterday my hubby pleased me immensely! Now, now…climb on up out of the gutter folks…

I arrived home and he had assembled our new BBQ, gone to the butcher store, and had prepared dinner and it was on the table when I arrived home from work and yet another trip to Costco. I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pleased.

Yesterday evening I went to our other friends house and gave her a B-day present and had me some good cake. Our bowling friends were there too and I commented to our bowling friend, who also has the pool, that I would be floating in his pool when he arrived home. He informed me that I was NOT going to be in his pool! :eek: Huh?! It’s gonna be flippin’ 88 degrees and I can’t go in his pool?!
Apparently the Ph is off, and he has to add some more chemicals before I can go in. His wife asked if she could do it for him and he said no. At which point I told him he would not make a good leader because he doesn’t know how to delegate authority.

Well, I need to get myself another cup of joe and do something productive.

<snerk> I’ve got a friend named Joe. I wonder if he’d fit in a cup. <snerk>

Does your friend’s wife know how to add chemicals to the pool? If she does she should just do it. If she doesn’t then it would be best to wait til friend does it. Chemicals should be added gradually, and the ph, chlorine and bromide levels retested to make sure there’s enough. I should know, I got one of them cee-ment ponds. BTW, it ain’t as hard as it sounds, ya just gotta know how to do it.

Congrats on the new grill! Now the Taters household will be grillin’ fools again. I’m grilling some chicken tonight which I will slice up on top of a caesar salad. YUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMM!

-swampbear (add whatever you want here)

[Tupug_Anachi]

@swampbear

Since I seem to have this need to freely discuss my anatomy today, I contemplated having a bear paw tattooed on each cheek. Even went so far as to go to the tattoo place and pick out the ones I wanted. What stopped me you ask? The idea of having a very sore and bruised up hiney for seven to ten days( :eek: ) made me rethink the entire idea.

-swampbear (also tattoo free)

Well, couldn’t you have done one at a time and alternated cheeks??? One of my best cyber friends shows Salukis. She has little dog footprints marching from her bosom to her shoulder.

I am also tattoo-free…mainly because at my age the wrinkled tattoo look skeeves me out almost as much as the nipple ring thing. However, The Princess[sup]TM[/sup] has a rather large symbol on the small of her back. Kids today! :rolleyes:

[swampbear]

@Tupug Anachi

Well, couldn’t you have done one at a time and alternated cheeks??? One of my best cyber friends shows Salukis. She has little dog footprints marching from her bosom to her shoulder.

I am also tattoo-free…mainly because at my age the wrinkled tattoo look skeeves me out almost as much as the nipple ring thing. However, The Princess[sup]TM[/sup] has a rather large symbol on the small of her back. Kids today! :rolleyes:

See, the deal was, whether or not I got one at a time or both together, my hiney would still be all sore and bruised for seven to ten days. :eek: If I had just gotten one done I might not have gone back for the other, so I decided it was for the best not to do it at all. It woulda looked so cool though.

[Bumbazine]

@earthpuppy

Bumba, I would assume since you turn your nose up at oysters, sushi is totally out of the question?

Well, I try to like oysters, I really do. I just…can’t
Anyway, we’ll go to Mexican and I’ll have a nice Arroz con Pollo and a Negro Modelo and leave the beans (mostly) alone, and decorum will be preserved. Ya doesn’t have to threaten me with sushi.

Bumbazine - pointedly ignoring Swampy’s hiney.
BTW, my own personal hiney is now deliciously grapefruit scented.

[lieu]

Welby, what a wonderful storyteller you are. I felt so “there” that I now have a slight buzz and plan on wandering over to check out the BBQ chickens as they scratch for insects.

[Kallessa]

I am tattoo free (also Tattoo free, although I know what kind of M&M’s Tattoo liked*) and only have piercings in my ears. The earlobes, actually, the ears themselves, meaning the hearing part of the ear, have no artificial holes.

It’s hot, and I don’t like hot. If I get my work done (and it’s getting done real fast as I sit here posting this) I’ll go home early, except I won’t go home, I’ll go to the movies. Movies have air conditioning, my home does not. My home potentially has very good pass-through ventilation but I haven’t put in the window fan in the Kitchen or put a screen on my back door, so at the moment, the breeze has no way to make it from the front of the house to theback of the house and there you have it. If I go near someplace that sells cooling units of any kind, I may well buy one, spur of the moment. Maybe a portable air conditioner, but all I really need is a better fan.

I may just stay at work all day–work has air conditioning, too.

*The plain, the plain. and if you don’t get this, you’re just too young.

[Kallessa]

@Bumbazine

Bumbazine - pointedly ignoring Swampy’s hiney.
BTW, my own personal hiney is now deliciously grapefruit scented.

Is it just me, or did anyone else get a picture of a stratch-n-sniff hiney? :eek:

[swampbear]

@Kallessa

Is it just me, or did anyone else get a picture of a stratch-n-sniff hiney? :eek:

First, much as I love each and every one of y’all, I am particular who I let scratch or sniff my hiney.

Second, Bumba why does your hiney smell like grapefruit and how do you know it does?

Third, did I mention my hiney is hairy? I was told by the tattoo guy that my hiney would have to be shaved before it could be tattooed. I didn’t ask if he’d be doing the shaving. I just did not want to know! :eek:

-swampbear (spreading TMI wherever I go)

[Taters]

*Originally Posted by Kallessa
Is it just me, or did anyone else get a picture of a stratch-n-sniff hiney? *

Er…I was kinda thinking the same thing.

Wheweeeeeeeee! It is HOT, HOT, HOT! I am hot and er…glowing. I am wearing shorts and a very skimpy shirt, hoping that I could stay somewhat comfortable. Alas, it is not to be. I had to go out and weed my big back retaining wall garden, then I had to destroy a huge ant nest on the other side of my fence. Then I set out all my plants and shrubs that I purchased last weekend. So, I’ve managed to scratch out three holes and plant a shrub, a big ornamental grass plant and lil’ ol heliotrope. Sigh…three down, fourteen to go. I had to come in and drink a big old glass of lemon water and cool off for a minute.

Back to the plantin’…

[Tupug_Anachi]

@swampbear

Third, did I mention my hiney is hairy? I was told by the tattoo guy that my hiney would have to be shaved before it could be tattooed. I didn’t ask if he’d be doing the shaving. I just did not want to know! :eek:

-swampbear (spreading TMI wherever I go)

Does that mean that instead of Angel Pants II, we should call you Fuzz Butt?

[Rue_DeDay]

What hath been wrought in my name? Good job welby. I’m back. (Obviously) Had fun. The beach is nice. I’m tired. More later.

[Kallessa]

Rue is back! Rue is back! Rue is back! Yea!!

Welcome home, darlin’, hope you left some sand at the beach.

swampy, read my post and Bumba’s posts a little more carefully. it was the grapefruit that created to scratch-n-sniff image. It had nothing to do with you having bear claws on your butt.

Why would you want pastry tattooed on you, anyway?
It’s hot and I’m having a JambaJuice for lunch. I’m telling myself it’s a milkshake, but I’m not sure I’m convincing myself.

[Taters]

Well, I finished my planting and my upper back is a leeeeeetle red. I stopped and took another break earlier in the day and went on down to the neighbor’s front porch so we could admire the ah…“scenery”. Another neighbor is having some extensive landscaping put in and the landscapers were tan and buff…well, except for one. The others were ve-e-e-ry easy on the eyes, if you know what I mean.

Rue! Glad to see you’re back. I think **welby ** did a pretty admirable job in your absence.

My friend’s pool is still all messed up. The Ph and alkaline levels still haven’t gotten to where they are supposed to be! Hopefully, it will all be good tomorrow, as tomorrow promises to be another scorcher.

Well, I’m fixin’ to put some sirloin burgers on the grill so I need to get off the 'puter now.

[Bumbazine]

@swampbear

Second, Bumba why does your hiney smell like grapefruit and how do you know it does?

Don’t you remember a while back me telling you about the new Kreamy Soaps business in our town and how my wife was enamored of their products, and how at that time I made reference to my deliciously lime-scented hiney? It ain’t like you to forget a hiney, Swampy, specially one that smells like margaritas. (There’s supposed to be an ‘H’ in there somewhere, but it’s too damn hot for me to go looking just now.)
Anyway, wifey’s bath soap (and therefore mine) has changed to Grapefruit-Oatmeal. I’m just assuming that I still smell like grapefruit, although I probably smell more like sweat now 'cause I just came back from a 2 1/2 hour house inspection, and it’s about 90 degrees outside today. I didn’t inspect the house, I accompanied the buyer and the inspector while the inspector inspected. But I got to stand around in the heat and try to look professional.

What the heck is JambaJuice? I’ll bet it would be more like a milkshake if you put ice cream in it. Just a suggestion.

Bumbazine - maybe stinky, maybe not.
And if you just gotta have pastry tattooed on your butt, I think you should go with Cinna-buns. Then you could do a scratch-n-sniff thing if you wanted.
Or not.

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

@Wintermute

I’ve ridden English Hunt seat and Western, but never tried an Austrailian saddle. I’ve always wanted to – they look like the best of both worlds.

They are! About midway between in weight, and far more secure than either. The swells of a Western saddle will catch you, but only after you’ve already built up some momentum. The Aussie polys grab you right away. My saddle is a bit of a hybrid. The billets for the girth are what’s called an endurance rig, meaning there are two on either side, and are narrow enough for English girth buckles, so I can use a fleece girth with elastic at both ends. Authentic Aussie girthing is with one buckle and one surcingle strap that goes over the saddle and loops through a ring – no elastic at all, poor horses! But VERY secure. For schooling, I ride dressage (Training level, I’m no DQ), and I have a very comfortable saddle with air panels for Ben’s maximum comfort.

As to falling off, well, back when we had horses, I and my sisters rode bareback like, 90% of the time, so falling off was sometimes something you did for no apparent reason at all. One minute you’re up, the next you’re down. Luckily, we were young and boneless, and these were little horses; the Appy was only 15.1 and the Quarab was 14.3 – almost a pony.

Well, I’m aging and when I fall, I’m more likely to break than bounce. I do occasionally hop on my elderly QH bareback, with lead ropes on the halter, but my TB… He’s a good guy, but… Well, I’m the sole support of seven cats, two horses, and a mortgage.

I miss them. I was spoiled by being able to have backyard horses that were big pets, and who would climb up on the back porch and beg. I haven’t ridden in years, but what I miss the most is the way they smell. (If you’re not a horse person, you just don’t understand.) I love to throw my arms around their necks and bury my face in their manes and just breathe in.

Oh, yes, horses smell wonderful! (Unless they’ve just rolled in mud and muck, of course.) And they’re definitely huggable. Doncha love the way their breath smells when you’ve just fed them peppermints?

No, he wasn’t a roan, he was just steel blue all over. I’m sure he’s just a gray who hasn’t dappled up much yet.

Yup, a gray all right (must have been coal black when he was foaled) and what a gorgeous color.

[earthpuppy]

I am partial to Olive Oil Soap…smells delightful. I also like The Thymes Ltd.'s Goldleaf and Hydrangia lotion…mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[Exgineer]

@Rue DeDay

What hath been wrought in my name? Good job welby. I’m back. (Obviously) Had fun. The beach is nice. I’m tired. More later.

Whew.

It was starting to get a little hairy there, but it’s fine now, because Rue is back.

I’m not disrespectin’ my best board pal welby, because the OP was a masterpiece. Hell, it was positively brilliant. The only problem was the follow-through. See, the MMP is like a golf swing. You have the backswing, the hold, the swing, and the impact, which welby executed perfectly, but then there’s the follow-through. That’s where he shanked it.

What Rue does, is he follows the thread, see, and every once in a while, like maybe two or three times tops, he pops in and makes a two or three line post intended to direct the thread towards the most interesting hijack. That’s the follow-through, and the fundamental brilliance of the MMP threads, and we didn’t get it this week. I’ll take the blame for that, because I pretty much fell down on the job.

Again, this should not in any way be considered critical of welby. He did a fantastic job with the OP. I’m just saying that he didn’t finish, and I didn’t help (bad, bad Ex). That’s why we need Rue.

Heck, you people didn’t see me falling all over myself to volunteer to do the substitute MMP, did you? A man has to know his limitations, and I know mine. I’m not as funny as welby, nor as subtly clever as Rue.

[Kallessa]

@Bumbazine

What the heck is JambaJuice? I’ll bet it would be more like a milkshake if you put ice cream in it. Just a suggestion.

Bumbazine - maybe stinky, maybe not.
And if you just gotta have pastry tattooed on your butt, I think you should go with Cinna-buns. Then you could do a scratch-n-sniff thing if you wanted.
Or not.

JambaJuice is a smoothy, made with fresh fruit, juices, ice, maybe soy milk or frozen yogurt. You can also put protein or vitamin or energy-booster powder into them. Supposedly healthy, the run about 700 to 800 calories, so it’s not too bad as a meal substitution. Mine had orange juice, strawberries, bananas, frozen yogurt and ice. They are now making some of them with Splenda, a sugar substitute. This cuts the calories in half. With this one smooty, I’ve eaten more fruit today than I usually eat in a week (I like fruit, but I’m lazy, I want someone to peel the grapes for me, slice the apples, sugar the strawberries, etc.). So, in recognition of this fact, I’m having steak for dinner. I may not eat anything else, just one great big piece of protein. I might have bacon as a side dish.

Cinna-buns, and for that matter, bear claws, could get a bit gooey, and might be considered somewhat flaky, but at least you’d always have sticky buns!

[Exgineer]

Calorie-counting is girly, and so is whatever else Kallessa was blathering on about. I don’t know what it was, because I fell asleep in the middle of it and then when I woke up I had to delete a bunch of stuff that was mostly t, y, and u because that’s where my enormous forehead happened to impact the keyboard. That pissed me off.

You just can’t get burly counting calories. I can’t get burly (nor brawny) no matter what I do, so all these discussions piss me off.

The other thing that pisses me off is all the horse talk. I mean no disrespect to EddyTeddyFreddy or my back-up babe Wintermute, or anybody else who has an interest in those beasts, but I’ve hated horses since one tried to kill me when I was a little kid.

Listen, droogies, and listen hard. If something weighs the better part of a half a ton, has sharp feet, big teeth, and a general resentment of hairless apes who deign to sit on its back, just run as fast as you can. Trust me, that’s the best course of action.

You may grow up to be a slightly conflicted adult who has no problem with dairy cows (or not much, anyway), but doesn’t want anything to do with horses, because one tried to kill him when he was a little kid, but how bad would that be?

All right, this post didn’t make a lick of sense, but what did you expect? Somebody said “horse” and I got scared. I almost peed my pants. I’m scared of those things.

To be honest, I hate cows too. And sheep. God, how I hate those things. But I’m scared of horses.

Upon preview:

I am NOT a coward. Under most conditions at least. I’m just apprehensive about… uh, those animals are… oh hell, screw it, I’m posting this. But I’m pissed off at everything, and you better believe it.

Crap. Nobody is going to beleive that.

[Ashes_Ashes]

You’re not afraid of horses Ex, you have a healthy respect. It shows wisdom. No, what worries me is your resentment of cows. That’s just messed up.

So what you’re saying Tupug, is that I’m wrong in words but correct about the color of the horse. The point is moo (look out Ex!) since I won’t be shopping for my dream horse any time soon.

Howdy back Rue! I was thinking of you today. Target had meadow rue for sale out in their gardening section. Poor meadow rue, wasn’t looking very good because it’s too poopin’ hot for such a planty around here. It was up to about 105 today and felt disgustingly humid too. Why I stay here I don’t know. It may have to do with the scrambled thought processes that led me to drive across town to get a shaved ice, tamarindo flavor with chili powder stuff on it called chamoy. It’s good, really, but very little is worth a drive across town in this weather. I wanted mango lemon but they were out of the lemon and Kallessa wouldn’t share her Jamba Juice. Meany, I only wanted a little sip and I don’t have cooties. Well, they’re small cooties.

Nipples pierced with rings make me think of weensy door knockers and all types give me a nearly irresistable urge to pull. Riiiip! Yeah, keep yer hands over your chee-chees around me.