I swear, pens evaporate.
I’ve bought at least 3 pairs of fingernail clippers in Europe over the years, always forget to pack them. Now, I keep a set in my toiletries bag, paid £5 last time!
How can there be so much cat hair drifting around but Noir Kitty isn’t half bald? On the contrary, he sports a luxuriant, silky coat of short black fur. Yet he manages to shed enough for several cats, at least. I’m always sweeping up clumps of it everywhere. It defies logic, I tells ya!
Last night I happened to glance at the row of DVDs behind me in my bedroom and was surprised to find this version of Treasure Island nestled between more familiar movies. I don’t recall ever seeing this DVD before, but there it is, still shrink wrapped and everything. I honestly have no idea where it came from or when I got it or if someone had given it to me.
Bottle openers seems to vanish with depressing regularity, but this might not be so mysterious. 
Every freaking time Mr.Wrekker goes to Wal-Mart alone he buys a bottle of Tylenol. He only goes a few times a year. He won’t even get Equate brand. He gets the high priced real shit. And he buys the small size, you know bulk is cheaper per pill. I have 10 or 15 small bottles of Tylenol. I could put holes in a lot of livers with that many. I don’t use Tylenol. And, guess what? Neither does he.
In case of apocalypse, if you have a headache come see me. I am stocked up.
I have a feeling you would cause a headache, Beck.
Jus kiddin’! You know I luvs ya!
Yep, that’s me all over. Beckda-ache.
We have 3 big mugs of pens. None seem to work. I will kill anyone who pulls out a pen, finds that it doesn’t work, AND PUTS IT BACK IN THE MUG.
I had a magical can of shaving cream that lasted for years. Elves replenished it every full moon. I have the opposite problem when it comes to two liter bottles of pop. I can buy one, open it up and pour myself a single glass and the next day it’s nearly empty. I ask who drank it and everyone swears they didn’t.
I can’t explain your mystery, but I’ll tell you that at OUR house I keep a ceramic two-compartment toothbrush cup in the bathroom. There are always three or four toothbrushes in it; one on the left that I use for my teeth and a few on the right that I keep for other uses. These other uses include cleaning crud from around fixtures, cleaning small parts and tools, and so forth. It makes sense to me to do this, since I can just move a worn toothbrush to the right side and I always know where I can get one. If I get one really dirty, I throw it away.
After five years of marriage, my wife still doesn’t understand this system. When I’m not looking, she will decide to clean the cup and she invariably fails to keep track of which toothbrushes are which. Of course, I figure it out when I use what I think is my current toothbrush and it tastes like Comet.
I had a Costco-sized can of non-stick cooking spray. The day I brought it home, I dropped it. It landed on the nozzle, breaking half of it off. It still sprayed, but the spray came out cock-eyed and it was a pain in the ass to use.
I knew I couldn’t bring myself to throw it out, but I’ll admit to over-spraying every time I used it in an effort to shorten its life. After a year or so of this, I started becoming hopeful that this is the last spray for every use. And then, each time I hit that cracked nozzle and the stream came out - always breaking to the right, not unlike my urine stream - I’d say a silent “fuck” to myself.
I even bought its replacement, which patiently waited in the wings for its day to step in.
This went on, I dunno, 4 or 5 years. I finally threw the can away. I feel like I would have croaked before that can did had I carried on.
mmm
At the top of my household cold case files is the mystery of the missing salami.
6 - 7 years ago, the wife was out of town, so that left me alone at home. We don’t have kids. I pan fried some salami to top the cheeseburger I was grilling. (What the hell… when the wife’s away…:o)
Anyway there were a couple pieces left over which I tossed in a ziploc and put in the fridge.
That was last me, or anyone, has seen of the salami. 
I’ve practically disassembled the fridge trying to solve the case, but still no salami.
Wife tells me a ghost must have gotten hungry… at this point I’m starting to believe her. :smack:
90% of the time, I wear jeans to work, but I have 3 pairs of dressier legging-type pants - 2 black and 1 brown. I put them on skirt hangers (small clamps/clips at the waist) and hang them next to each other in the closet. The other day I went to get the brown ones and they were nowhere to be found. I haven’t worn them since last winter so they couldn’t be in the laundry. I kept inspecting the black ones thinking maybe I just thought one of them was black and it was really brown. I looked on the closet floor thinking maybe they fell. I went hanger by hanger through the whole closet…nope not there. Two days later, I was hanging up some clothes and there they were hanging right next to the black ones! I have no one else in the house that would take and wear them unless my husband took a fancy to them one day and the dogs would have had a hard time unclipping them!
I have 3 grey/Heather tee-shirts. One has a hole under the left arm. I go to the drawer to get a shirt, the one with hole is always the first one I grab, always. I wear it around the house. I guess I could stitch it up, everytime I put it in the wash I say I am going to. Alas, I forget about it til I grab it out of the drawer. I am thinking about going to do it right now.
Hmmmm? Nevermind. I ain’t doing it right now.
I have not bought hairbands in over a decade, because I keep finding them on the ground outdoors. Always the exact type I use, too - plain black, thick, large. It’s a reasonably common hairband style, but you’d think I would sometimes find other colours and I never do. At this point I’m reduced to the assumption they’re being dropped by helpful gremlins.
Why did my small spaniel start making a clacking noise as she walked around the house?
Turns out the beast managed to trigger a mousetrap in the corner of the pantry, had it attach to her tail fur, and started clacking as she walked on tile floors. Hilarity ensued.
That’s hilarious… I have the opposite problem. Constantly buying hair ties because if I put one down and so much as turn my head for a minute, one of my cats has made off with it. I keep waiting for the day stumble upon their “collection”.
The elves are on a budget. A can of shaving cream for two liters of sugar water seems a fair trade to me.
Snap knives. I use them all the time for light weight duties like slicing the wrapper off a DVD case or that plastic bag the cereal comes in. They disappear at a great rate, so great I think I’ve snapped the segment off for a fresh edge exactly once.
Mike, I think your wife hid the salami.