I’ve got two: The Neverending Pepper Can, and the Immortal Shaving Cream.
I’ve got this can of ground pepper, since from about 1976 (I think I rescued it from a dead persons house I helped clean out) that always has* just enough* left for one more steak.
But its done this forever! Are there Pepper Gnomes sneaking into my home at night and refilling this thing? I mean, I’m not complaining. You ever price pepper? About the most expensive thing out there, pound for pound.
But sometimes I wonder, am I really getting pepper, or black dust, or fairy dandruff, because that can should have been empty loooong ago.
Same “problem” (not really) with shaving cream. Can so old, it rusted on the bottom. In NEVADA! My Fiat and Jeep don’t even rust here! :eek:
Been empty since I left college, I think. But always just enough for one more shave. Every time I shave, I tell myself, “Better get a new can”, and every time I go to the store, I forget to buy one. But there is always one shave left.
If you really have a 42 year old can of already ground pepper it really doesn’t matter if it is old pepper or dust at this point. And please don’t put that stuff on an innocent steak.
Whatever that black stuff is it must be spicy enough for your steak. But, seriously you cleaned out a dead persons house and brought home food stuffs? That seems risky.
I have a mysterious hairbrush. It’s been in my possession since 9th grade. Every time I think well it’s gone for good it shows up in the oddest places. I found it in a cupboard where I keep laundry detergent this last time. I don’t normally go around brushing my hair while doing laundry. Cannot fathom how it got in there.
I probably have a dozen pair of scissors. Never can find them when I need them. Ever.
I’m convinced there is some sort of reality distortion field where I live or else my housemate is gaslighting me. Periodically something will come up in conversation in which it comes to light that we have some kind of very different understanding of reality.The latest case, sometimes when I went to the bathroom, I would notice a slight trickle left running, would futz with the knobs, and came to the conclusion that there was a little bit of play past the off position where a slight trickle would come back. So later my housemate asks if I left the sink on and I explained about how it was tricky to find the exact off position. She looked at me like I was insane, so I went to the bathroom, and look and behold, now the knobs work normally, and turn off completely when turned all the way. Must be a Mandela accidental phasng into alternate timelines I guess
Aw, Beck, you’d buy *anything *I’d sell you. And that’s why I love you!
Seriously, with a spontaneous generation of pepper, I’d have a pretty damn low over-head.
But it only works if you have* just that one* steak that need pepper. For example, it won’t fill the normal pepper shaker. Nope. Nothin’. But go to toss a steak on the grill and sure enough, some will shake out. Every time.
There are never any pens when you need to write something down. Never. I have bought a dozen pens at the store and put them all next to the phone just so I have some handy to write a note and they are all missing when I need one.
Where’re my damn chapstick? I remember buying a 2 pack last year and I know I’ve had other tubes as well. Now that’s it’s cold, the only one I can find is one that I picked up as a freebie at a summer festival and it doesn’t work great and tastes salty.
I bought my 2 daughters 2 gerbils about 12 years ago. They were sisters, one black (named Zippy), one brown (named Snickers).
Zippy died about 3 years later, but Snickers just kept going, year after year: a rodent Methuselah! I kept thinking, what the hell’s up with this gerbil? Should I call the Guinness Book of World Records? She finally died a few months ago. I gave the eulogy.
Me: *you know girls, Snickers lived a good life. She lived to 12 years old. That’s over 300 gerbil years!
*
Daughters: Dad, you idiot, that’s not the same Snickers from 12 years ago, We’ve had at least 3 Snickers since that one died!
Me: *Oh … well, RIP, Snickers. You still deserve a proper burial at sea [flush].
*
Mystery solved.
I guess that explains Tibby, my thousand year old cat, too.
Same thing with reading glasses. I buy them in five packs. Yet, I can never find them when I need them.
Also, I don’t think I’ve ever bought a pair of fingernail clippers. Yet there always seems to be a pair in the junk drawer, or bathroom.
I had a can of gloss black spray paint. It was near empty, but always enough for one more small paint job. This went on for years and years. I was always amazed it had enough.
Reading glasses. I started wearing them after my cataract surgery last year ( but I don’t need glasses for distance vision anymore). I have purchased 27 pairs since then, yet I can never find one when I need them.
I had two cans of beef broth and a can of diced green chile tomatoes. I remember seeing them and even thinking about eating the tomatoes straight from the can. Then I decided to make onion soup. I finished chopping the onions and went to get the broth–and it was gone, along with the tomatoes. In its place were a can of kidney beans and a can of sweet corn. I proceeded to look everywhere, even the closets, for the beef broth and tomatoes and couldn’t find them.
So either there’s been a glitch in the matrix or my memory is screwing up royally. Either explanation is unsettling.
I mean, I’m not complaining. You ever price pepper? About the most expensive thing out there, pound for pound.
