Fortunately my parents and children have never been dutiful in that way.
My family, on the other hand, did our big Christmas Celebration gift unwrapping day on Saturday–the day before Christmas Eve. Then we used Christmas Eve as Food and Church day (Sunday so we had both morning services and evening “Christmas Eve” services), and spent Christmas quietly playing with the stuff we’d already unwrapped. With more than a few moments spent checking on my brother’s health. (Brother developed strep throat).
This year, my parents will celebrate on Christmas with Mom’s siblings, and then will drive to my Brother’s house to celebrate several days later with my brother and his children. I will probably join them there.
If you’re me, missing Christmas is the BEST. No psycho stepmom freaking out, no watching my siblings’ drinking contest, no insipid conversations about the latest movie star scandal with my mom’s family. No dealing with my WT sister-in-law. No watching the clock, wondering if it’s too early to leave. So what if I don’t get any presents? It is totally worth it! Just call when everyone is there and say hi and act all sorry that you couldn’t be there. Then go have FUN.
Depends on your family and your situation.
23? Away nine months of the year? Are you a student, and if so, are your parents helping foot the bill for you being a student?
I say this because, if my parents were helping me pay for school and only wanted me home for Christmas, and I blew them off for a ski trip, I think they’d see it as a giant, flaming “!@#$ you.” The word "ungrateful’ would be mentioned.
If you’re living away on your own for other reasons and they aren’t still contributing to your upkeep, I can still see them being upset if you don’t make it home often. There is still the aging grandparent issue. Of course, if you’re close to your friends, that’s good, too.
I notice that many people seem to be ok with not going to visit your own family for Christmas if you spend it with your SO/spouse or SO/spouse’s family, but not ok with spending it with friends. That’s kind of silly. Sure, SOs generally take a larger role in our lives than friends, but that doesn’t mean that friends aren’t important, too. There’s no reason to get all bent out of shape about the holidays, as though doing anything but visiting family and carrying on the old traditions is unacceptable. (Definitely not saying that anyone in this thread is doing this–I’m thinking of a specific person as I type this. Not my mom. She’s cool.)
I must echo Zoe. You’re 23. Be respectful to your parents about your choice, but ultimately, do what you want. This is the time in your life when you explore and have adventures. When you’re 35 with kids, you won’t have as much liberty to go wherever you want, because you’ll be focused on them, and visiting grandma. There’s nothing selfish about spending Christmas away from home, in my book, any more than anyone else who lives far away from family and doesn’t visit them regularly is selfish, anyway. Or, if it is selfish, it’s not selfish in a bad way. (Also, this is coming from someone who loves all the traditional family Christmas junk.) If anything, I think it’s a bit selfish of your mom to actually get mad about the idea. Our time with everyone is finite, so make the choice that makes you happiest. No one can please everyone all the time. Doesn’t mean you don’t love your family.
I think it also depends on whether your mom would be mad and disappointed because you’re really close and always spend Christmas together, or mad just because she’s a controlling psycho. There’s a world of difference there, and only you know how best to relate to your mother.
Obviously it depends on your family dynamic; it’s not a big deal to my parents since they live out West and I don’t want to travel when it could snow. But that’s my family.
That’s a good point. If you’re still financially dependent on your parents, you owe their wishes more consideration than if you’re fully independent. If they’re making an effort to pay for your schooling, it seems like you can make an effort to spend some holiday time with them.
I don’t think it’s a big deal. I’ve always paid far more attention to New Year’s Eve than christmas. I think it’s more significant and more fun.
My spouse’s family *is * my family. I have the family of my birth and the family that I married into. I consider them to be no less my kin than my parents or my brother.
I’m not a religious person, so a lot of the meaning of Christmas for me comes from being with my family, however far-flung we may be during the rest of the year. I suspect a lot of people, including possibly the OP’s parents, feel the same way. On the other hand, I’m lucky enough to have a family that I actually enjoy spending time with. Snarky_Kong’s family may be crazy and awful, in which case he should go on the ski trip.
I have spent the past 5 Christmases entirely on my own and thoroughly enjoy it.
I used to visit my brother or sister and their families but the sister’s lot are all vegetarians (I’m not), which made mealtimes awkward for me and I couldn’t stand the heat in my brother’s house - his mother-in-law was the coldest woman in the world so the temperature had to be kept just short of the melting point of titanium.