I have an offer to travel with a friend to Denver and party and go skiing for a couple days. I would miss Christmas Eve at my Grandparents’ houses and opening presents Christmas morning. I just talked to my mom on the phone and she would be pissed if I went. I’m 23, I live away from my parents for 9 months out of the year, but have always been there for holidays. Is it a big deal or not?
Not a big deal to me. My brother missed a lot of holidays when he was in the Air Force in Alaska. But then we had a big family, 6 kids, and there were always full tables no matter who was eating with us or with their inlaws.
P.S. Lots of people go to resorts on the holidays.
One year we were told that Disney World was “deserted” on Christmas, so we went then.
And waited an hour just to get from the off ramp to our parking spot, the attendence was so high.
I think this really varies by family. It seems like every year I end up doing something different, because my family is really widely scattered. This year I’m staying home (currently home is nowhere near my parents or grandparents) because I’m starting a job at a ski resort next week and expect to work the day – so who would I be to tell you not to go skiing over Christmas? g
Nobody in my family has a problem with this. Your family, though, may vary. Your mother may be mad, but what about your grandparents? If they don’t mind, they may be able to help smooth things over between you and your mother. Eventually your family traditions, whatever they are, are going to have to change. Perhaps now is the time. You seem to think so, certainly.
I’m about the same age as you. I missed Christmas for the first time ever last year – I was just beginning an internship, and as the “new guy” eager to make a good impression, I didn’t want to ask off. I was fine with it at the time. The day of was a bit depressing, but overall I was ok – I visited family at the next opportunity and so on.
Something to consider though – my grandfather, who had been in nearly perfect health, died about two months ago. So that tradition is gone forever, and that’s one fewer time I got to experience it. Obviously you can’t live your whole life that way and plan for everything like that, but I think it is something to think about.
Not a huge deal. I skipped it one year to be with the future NajaHub the first year we were together because we were in college on opposite ends of the country. Christmas with his family on the other hand, though I love them now, was très awkward. I was bummed about missing Christmas, but it was going to be the only opportunity for us to see each other in a six month span, so I chose the hubster and though the family was sad, they were okay with it.
ETA: Poor NajaHub hasn’t been with his family on Christmas in years, since he moved to the PNW. Also, we’re talking about having kids this year, and won’t likely want to travel so far with pups, so this may be my last ever family Christmas 
I dunno, I can kinda see where your mom is coming from. I mean, missing the holiday is perfectly understandable if there’s something else pressing going on – for example, you have your own kids, you’re going to meet your girlfriends parent’s, etc. But without all the details, I don’t know if I’d put a ski vacation with friends in the same category, especially if it’s friends you could visit another time. From your mom’s point of view, you’re choosing something fun over what she sees as a family obligation. Not saying don’t go, but I don’t think she’s unreasonable to be disappointed.
Actually, I agree with sugar and spice–I skipped Christmas to spend some rare time with my partner, but I wouldn’t do it for a short skiing trip. On the other hand, our family Christmases are amazing, so if I’d grown up in NajaHub’s family where Christmas is more or less any other day except with presents, I probably would be much quicker to go skiing on major holidays. 
I’m 32 and I could only think of one family Christmas I missed, and that’s because I was living abroad and one year I couldn’t afford to return. For me, passing up a family Christmas tradition for a skiing holiday is something I could understand being upset, even very upset, about. It all depends on where you and your family place being together and tradition on the scale of importance. For me, it’s pretty high up.
Yes, please consider Garfield’s post. You’ll always have ski trips with your friends, you won’t always have Christmas with your Grandparents.
I speak as a grandparent – one who will spend a quiet Christmas with my husband.
You won’t always be this young and independent either. You can’t let your mother manipulate your life with her disappointment. You were not born to please her, you know. You have a right to make your own choices and set your own traditions.
Is it possible that a talk with your grandmother and grandfather can smooth this transition?
Wherever you are, enjoy every moment of it! Friends are to be cherished too!
Peace and merriment!
I agree with this sentiment. It’s like dealing with toddlers, if you relent to the tantrum, you’re just going to get another one the next time you say no. If you give in to your mom’s guilt trip, she’s going to give you another one because she’s already seen the manipulation works on you.
You’re an adult, tell your mom what you’re doing like an adult…you are way beyond having to ask her permission.
Don’t be a dick about it though. And send a nice plant ahead of your late arrival…I recommend Jackson and Perkins for cute, tiny, pre-decorated living Xmas trees.
And speaking as a mother, wear a helmet on the slopes. 
Thanks for the different perspectives everybody. I’m currently in the process of seeing if I can get an earlier flight back. Also I’m pretty much broke, I suppose I should take that into account.
Multipost
If you lived in the same city as your parents and see them on a very regular basis, I’d say that missing Christmas isn’t that big a deal. But if you only see them a few times a year, I’d say that you should try to make it home for Christmas.
Also, realistically, this is probably one of the few remaining years that you’ll be able to take part in your family of origin’s traditional Christmas celebration, without adding a spouse/SO and in-laws and their traditions into the mix. I’d love to celebrate Christmas with my parents and brother the way we always have, but my husband rightly wants to spend the holidays with his parents, too, so we’ve had to re-vamp our Christmases over the past several years. That’s a healthy thing, but some years, I really miss the way my family did things.
What kind of rational thought is this!!!111!!!
Parents are duty bound to give their children Guilt Trips in life. It is truly a family heirloom to pass down from generation to generation. We’ve always done it this way… we didn’t like it…but it’s what you did!.
You , as a child, are not allowed to do anything but your parental whims.
Right to make your own choices!!! NONSENSE!!! The only choice you get is Misery and SUFFERING!!!111!!! and you’ll be happy about it, too. So there!
caller id is your friend
Personally, I cannot wait until we are guilt free of the Ground Hog Day celebration of Christmas over at Zee In Laws. Same thing over and over and over again.
I missed Christmas Day last year completely. I caught a plane at around 11 pm on Christmas Eve in San Francisco, and arrived at around 6 am on Boxing Day in Sydney. No big deal: I celebrated Christmas a day late with my family in Australia.
I think missing it for a ski trip is a wee bit on the selfish side, but if you’re going to be there just a little late, it’s not a huge deal. I’ve missed a few due to jobs or illness, and it was not a problem with the family, even though they really missed me and I missed them.
Last year the entire extended family missed it. We were too busy getting on a boat.
Well now, that doesn’t make any sense. What if his friend is eaten by a bear this year? No more ski trips.
Yes, but Zoe was speaking as a grandparent. And grandparents and grandkids are duty bound to to team up against the generation in the middle.