Try different ones if the one you went to was not to your liking, and perhaps show up a bit late, 5 minutes or so after starting.
The most I saw is a greeting of new people and they offer to take your contact information to be added to their email/mailing list.
Great advice! I’m feeling much better about it.
So, next question. Am I going to look like a tool, if I don’t do the required stuff? Obviously it’s more strict in a Catholic church because there’s a “routine” but if I go to a non-Catholic church and they sing songs, for example, will I seriously offend anyone if I don’t actively participate and sing along? Do I need to bow my head and pretend to be praying if they pray?
Sorry if these are stupid questions, but this is completely foreign territory for me.
No, however an effort of lip sync is always a plus. If you blatantly do not participate then you might get some looks. But remember, it takes all kinds in churches as much as in the world.
I’d say do the ‘when in Rome’ thing if you don’t want to stand out. I don’t expect any issues if you are not praying or singing. And in most churches you should have no problem sitting out any aspect.
Just make sure when it comes to speaking in tongues that you participate.
just kidding 
I don’t think anyone will care if you just sit there quietly. I have attended Catholic masses at various churches. At first I was anxious about if people would recognize that I was an outside visitor and not familiar with all the rituals, but nobody said anything or seemed to notice me beyond a welcome/greeting.
As long as you’re not disrupting others, I think you’ll be fine at most mainstream churches. Just research the place online first to make sure you do go to a mainstream one and don’t accidentally go to some hardcore fundamentalist type of place. Maybe you could look for one of those liberal non-denominational Churches that caters to young people. In the places I’ve lived, there has always been a church like that and they seem to pride themselves on being accepting and non-judgemental.
I’m sorry to hear about your mom not doing well. I hope that this plan of yours gives her some comfort.
Not really. Heck, not even in the Catholic church. I mean, yeah, there’s the sit-stand-kneel going on, but most people aren’t noticing what you do. No one cares if you sing. It is generally considered polite to do what everyone else is doing in terms of locomotion (sit when others do, stand when they do, kneel when they do), but during silent prayer, no one’s gonna say anything if you sit quietly instead. And I really don’t think anyone’ll notice if you don’t say the right thing at the right time, either.
I can’t really speak as to other denominations, but I’ve attended Catholic Mass as a child-who-was-raised-irreligiously, as a converting Catholic, as a pagan, and as an agnostic. In my experience, no one really cares what you’re doing as long as you’re not disrupting things. And I was self-conscious about my singing voice, so I never sang. And, during the latter two phases, I was silent during much of the call and response. No one ever mentioned anything.
Some people have mentioned doing a large, possibly mega church. In my admittedly limited experience, a lot of those places are. . .well, more likely to involve random people striking up conversations about God, or wanting to hold hands to pray, or something. That always made me really uncomfortable.
ETA: Some places have meet and greets during the service–a welcoming to fellowship or something–and other places–specifically, the Catholic church, though there could be others–have the Sign of Peace. If it’s the latter, you just shake the hands of the people nearest you and say “Peace be with you.” Or, if you’re in a 9PM college Mass, you flash the peace sign to your friends across the room 
Come in right as the service is about to begin, say “good morning” to the greeter and keep moving. Don’t sign the guest registry.
Sit in the back, preferably in the far corner of a pew next to a wall. Stand, sit or kneel as the others do.
Don’t go up for Communion.
When it’s over wait just long enough for a crowd of people to be at the door, then slip out. Don’t stay for coffee.
At the church I attend, if you attend the 8:30 service, the Traditional one, you might look odd if you don’t turn in the hymnal to the appropriate page, but I doubt anyone will mind if you don’t sing along.
If you attend the 9:45 or 11:10 services, the words to the songs and any responsive readings will be shown on a screen, and the odds are good that there will be at least one song where most people opt out of singing because they can’t read the words and don’t recognize the melody if there is one. Clap along or don’t if there is a song with lots of clapping, neither is odd.
Don’t applaud at the end of the choir’s performance or other special music, unless lots of others do first. This can actually be a surprisingly contentious issue.
Either way, not singing is not a big deal. You should stand when the congregation does.
If everyone else is bowing their head during prayer, how will they know that you don’t? Again, as long as you are quiet and respectful, I don’t think there will be a problem.
If you go to a Catholic church, and I recommend this because Catholics like to leave you to your business and don’t get up in your grill during the service, it would be appropriate to:
It would be better not to take communion - the part where everyone lines up … stay in your seat. Try to be aware that other people in your pew will be getting up, so you may have to stand aside to let them pass, but then sit back down (and be alert for when they return). But they won’t ask for your credentials or anything if you do. I think just about every Catholic has a childhood story of bringing a non-Catholic guest to Mass and somehow they end up taking communion.
brittekland had some good advice - if you feel there is a social moment approaching, just put your hands together, head down, and vaguely look like you’re having a spiritual moment.
Oh, and Catholic services also come with a Choose Your Own Adventure-type book so that you can follow along, it will most likely be in a rack in front of you. Rookie mistake: reading the parts said by the priest. The responses from the congregation will be highlighted.
Mega churches tend to make you “shake hands with your neighbor before you sit down” but other than that, nobody’s gonna notice you or whether or not you’re singing, praying, etc. And if someone DOES get all huffy and offended, that’s a church you need to run far far away from anyway.
A lot of big churches (mine included) are what they call “seeker friendly.” This means they’re not gonna get all up in your grill about Jesus the second you walk through the door and they’re cool if you wanna just hang out and listen and ponder stuff. So IF someone starts asking you about being saved, etc., just say you’re a seeker and that you’re just there to learn (or something) and that you really, really want to ease VERY slowly into this church stuff and you’re also quite shy, etc.
They will probably leave you alone, yet cast big giant smiles at you whenever they see you. They won’t get in your face because the LAST thing they want to do is scare you off … the smiles are to show that they’re friendly and approachable.
So yeah. Seeker.
All that said … hugs So sorry about your mom 
I lost mine earlier this year so I know how hard it is. I think it’s very sweet that you’d go to church for her … sounds like she raised a very nice guy 
Oh, sit at the back as everyone suggested; back seats are for misfits like everywhere else (though depending on the individual church they might have certain sections reserved for different groups/quirky seating arrangements, e.g., male and females might loosely sit on different sides etc).
I’m very, very sorry about your mother.
Another tip if you choose to go the Catholic route: you can do the half-sit, half-kneel. Basically, rest your butt on the pew while you kneel. Trust me, peltny of people will be doing so.
Think big.
At my previous church, attendance was high enough that most people assumed that everyone else was a regular. Anonymity was easy. People would shake hands and say hello during that 2 minute part of the service, but other than that, congregants were on their own.
I’m now trying to find a different church and when visiting smaller churches I’m immediately recognized as a guest, because everyone knows everyone. At most of these churches, people want me to feel welcome - which can be nice, but can also be overwhelming. I don’t think anyone’s ever shoved a tract at me - but they have asked me to stay for coffee, introduced me to half the congregation, and made sure I knew I was welcome back at any Sunday.
Best wishes to your mother.
One thing you may want to double check is what Christian church your mother has started going to, because there are some Protestant churches that thinkt the Catholic Church is the Whore of Babylon. And if she goes to one of those types you should probably match up the best with hers, in order to give you the most of things to talk about.
But you can politely decline to handle the snakes.
From a fellow non-believer, my experience has been that Methodist churches don’t really do the hassle thing.
However, and while I have no doubt that you are not intending to do this I will offer the advice anyway… if you want to remain inconspicuous do not snog in the back pew. Especially if the snogee is the minister’s daughter. Just sayin’
Some good advice so far. Yes pick a large church. Maybe lurk about a little ahead of time and see how people are dressed. The Friends meeting I attend and many other churches almost any dress fits in, a 3 piece suit or a Harley tee shirt and jeans, and you won’t stick out. Just don’t wear something offensive, ‘‘The bitch fell off at Daytona’’. Pick a mainline church, Presbyterian or Methodist. Lutherans serve communion every Sunday and may question if you should take communion. You wiil be given a bulletin as you come in and can mostly just set there. There are hymns and creeds. The bulletin gives the page numbers. Screens with the words are very common now. Just don’t sing with too much vigor if you want to keep a low profile. Show up just before the service starts and exit quickly.
Be ready for almost any style of music.
Another vote for trying a Catholic Church. I was raised a Catholic and I never saw anyone try to convert newcomers as they entered the church.
Just stand up, sit down, and kneel when everyone else does. Don’t worry about lip syncing along with the responses - it’s practically a sacrament.
But don’t go up to receive the communion. You’re only supposed to do that if you’re a genuine Catholic.
If your mother has “found god”, I wouldn’t go to a Catholic Church if I were you. Many (not all, but most) recently saved sinners see the Catholic church as a tool of satan and if you tell her you went to Mass, she may try to save you as well. Besides, if this is so you can chat to her about your church-going experience it’ll likely be completely different from anything she’s experiencing.
Do you know which denomination she’s joined?
Oh puhleze :rolleyes:
This is true. Protestant vs. Catholic services are pretty different, even though they’re essentially saying the same things.
One note, all the Protestant churches I’ve ever been to (never done a Catholic mass) had something called “passing the peace” or “joining in fellowship” or something of that nature, somewhere toward the beginning of the service but not at the very first. Basically you say hello to the people around you, shake hands, etc. This was at very liberal mainline Methodist, ELCA, and Baptist, so I think it’s probably pretty widespread. It’s non-intimidating and you don’t have to bless people or say anything beyond “Good morning” and “Fine, thanks, how are you?” but be aware that even if you’re hiding in the back people are probably going to come up and try to engage you during that time.
Of course, if you see it in the bulletin you can sneak off to the bathroom for a minute.