The only other thing I can add is really make sure you slip out. When the mass has ended and everyone is leaving, the priest will be waiting, usually at the entrance. It is expected that you shake hands and speak with the priest. This might be ok when people are walking out, passing the priest, shaking hands, and saying goodbye. Be forwarned that you might find yourself in a “recieving line” where it is socially expected that you wait in the line, shake hands with the priest, and have a brief conversation.
Bottom line: if you don’t want to get caught in a line where you are expected to say more than “hi, father, nice sermon, bye” and if you don’t want to be asked questions, then I suggest you take notice of where the priest is in the crowd, and walk around the crowd, and out the door.
When you say “tract,” is it possible that what they’re giving you is just the program for that day’s service?
Summertime is typically the time of year when most church-shopping takes place among Protestants, so there’s a good chance that you won’t be the only new person there.
If you goto Mass at a Catholic church and don’t even make an effort to sing, you’d get along at my church swimmingly. :rolleyes:
(Says this bitter church organist, lol).
Are you hoping to get anything out of this, or is it solely to placate your mother? I ask because you can always talk to parishioners and be friendly and not worry about being converted. I’ve heard stories about evangelicals, but in the Catholic and mainstream protestant churches I’ve been to, it’s always been pretty chill.
When I started reading the thread, I was a little puzzled because most of the things described don’t happen to me. As I read further down, I realized it’s because I attend mega-churches. I don’t get any hassle unless I stop to inquire about something. I could attend there for years without anyone knowing I was even there.
I hope you have a good experience. And I hope it’s a bonding point for you and your mom.
My parent were raised catholic and raised us C&E catholic (only go to church Christmas and Easter) here are the “rules” for catholic mass:
Do what everyone else is doing
“Peace be with you” at some point everyone will look around and shake hands to the people around the and say “peace be with you” follow along
The Eucharist, after the priest breaks the bread everyone will line up for the Eucharist, either let them by or walk up and put your hands on your shoulders, head bow and say amen.(for the bread, repeat for the wine)
After the Eucharist the games over, a few more minutes of business and then follow everyone out the door.
Its easy, good luck, nobody cares about you screwing anything up.
Furthermore, I’d suggest finding out what denomination your mother attends, so you’ll have a more common experience. Mention it here, and we’ll tell you which ones are similar enough.
You could also look into watching a small bit of religious TV. But, again, make sure you get the right kind of church.
One thing that hasn’t been mentioned: there’ likely to be a collection. Do not be alarmed. Lots of people don’t put money in every week, you won’t be looked upon as some sort of cheapskate or something. (most now have direct withdrawals, or at least my parish does, so some never put money in the basket at all).
Of course you could make a donation, if you wanted to.
The larger Southern Baptist churches I’ve attended aren’t pushy at all. Going in you probably won’t encounter anyone. Maybe a deacon will help you find a seat. Depends on the church. Most of the time I can seat myself.
Leaving, the Pastor usually stands at the door and greets people as they leave.
Smaller churches will notice visitors. The pastor may say “it’s nice having visitors today” and they may give you a card to fill out. Use any name/address that you want. Doesn’t have to be real. Just remember what name you used in case you want to come back.
It would be helpful knowing where your mother leans, church-wise. Still, for your purposes, I’d recommend a moderate-liberal Protestant church- Episcopal, Presbyterian Church USA, Evangelical Lutheran, United Methodist, American Baptist, Christian Reformed, Disciples of Christ (Christian), United Church of Christ.
Churches that are more evangelical & conservative are Southern Baptist, Independent Baptist, Christian & Missionary Alliance (my childhood church), Assemblies of God (my present church), any of the many Churches of God, Church of Christ, Seventh-day Adventist, Nazarene, Presbyterian Church of America, Lutheran-Missouri or Wisconsin Synod.
I’ve been attending Catholic mass semi-regularly all of my life. In my experience, you walk in and an usher might greet you with “good morning”, you find your seat, and at the end, depending on which door you go through, the priest or monsignor may be there to shake your hand and say “have a great week”. That’s about all the personal interaction you may experience, unless you go looking for it. Actually, another usher might be handing out the weekly bulletin at the end; take one or don’t, but there’s no pressure.
Nobody’s going to give you the hairy eyeball if you don’t participate in everything that occurs during the mass. These days, with church attendance dropping off the way it has, they’re just happy to get asses in the seats, frankly.
As to size, what you want is a medium-to-big sized congregation (in attendance), I’m guessing in the 150-500 people range. Smaller churches tend to be the everyone-knows-everyone type where a visitor is clearly noticed and often pounced upon. The really big churches, typically called mega-churches, tend to be the (usually somewhat fundementalist) gung-ho DO SOMETHING – NOW! type who are all too happy to likewise pounce.
As to denomination, robert_columbia’s list is a pretty good guide.
If you want to minimize the chance of being approached after the service, leave before the last element prior to the recessional (music to walk out by) begins. Commonly this would be the benediction (goodbye blessing by the minister).
I don’t think the thing about walking up and crossing your arms is universal. I used to travel a lot on business and it was fun to visit local churches. They announced you could do this at maybe half the churches I visited. At my home parish, they wouldn’t have any idea what you were trying to do if you did that. At another parish I frequented, the server would make the sign of the cross on your forehead and say a short prayer over you. I think if you are unfamiliar with the church or just want to be a lurker, it’s best just to stay at your pew. (Trust me, even if the church you are at has this arm crossing custom, at least a third of the people won’t go up for communion.)
At a few parishes, after the opening announcement they would say “Now greet the people around you and introduce yourself.” Typically that would mean waving to the people around you or shaking their hands and saying “How ya doin’?” Occasionally someone might say “I’m Bob, how ya doin’?” It was totally perfunctory and lasted 15 seconds. Nobody ever said anything like “Hey, you’re new here!” or “Do you love Jesus?”
At parishes in Hispanic neighborhoods, everyone would join hands with the people next to them during the recitation of the Lord’s Prayer. However, that custom seemed to have vanished after the Great Swine Flu scare. Now if they hold hands at all, it’s only with people they know.
And, again trust me, most people don’t sing and only mumble the responses they have memorized over the years. Nobody but nobody will notice whether you do or not.
Go to a Catholic church. Other than the church bulletin, I don’t ever remember tracts being shoved in one’s face. And, what, do you have a scarlet “A” on your forehead? Why would anybody ask why you’re there?
Well, you’ll look like a tool if everybody is standing and you’re sitting with a glower on your face, but otherwise, it’s not a big deal to stand, kneel, and sit with the rest of the people. When it’s time for the Eucharist, you just don’t go. Nobody cares, trust me.
I’m an atheist and I attended a semi-large Catholic church with my wife’s family a couple times. There was a lot of standing up and sitting down, a lot of singing (that got old), and there was a part where everyone would stand up and shake hands with their neighbors and say “peace be with you” or something like that. And as one person said, during communion (the wine and bread) you shouldn’t stand and go up when your row of people does.
But overall it was just fine. There was a sense of community that was not unpleasant, but I just don’t crave it.
I don’t think churches hassle you in general, they’re just happy to have you there. I’ve been to Jehovah’s Witness, Catholic, and Baptist with no issues. There was one small “holy rollers” church I attended with my ex-wife’s family that was pretty weird, speaking in tongues, asking me to be saved, stuff like that. But that was on someone’s private property, not a big established church.
gallan, it’s OK to not sing, and not say the reponses, because the other people around you are busy with their own thoughts/meditation/mental grocery list. They’re not monitoring who is and isn’t singing. Really.
I think it’s nice that you’re doing this.
Personal anecdote time: I was raised Catholic, and for a comparative religion class I attended a Greek Orthodox Mass. (Fascinating, by the way! But, even longer than a Catholic Mass, IIRC.) If anyone noticed that I was new or not of their religion, I certainly didn’t notice it or feel unwelcome, and it’s not like I was responding or singing, since I, um, don’t speak a word of Greek.
The program thingy was in Greek-using-“our”-letters and also in Greek-using-Greek-letters, which was really cool. Looked like one giant physics equation.
That’s a good point about denomination. I hadn’t thought of that. I’m sure it’s not Catholic because she says “pastor” and “service” instead of “priest” and “mass.” Which is too bad because the Catholic option sounds like the easiest.
I’ll try to find out what denomination she is the next time we talk.
Are you Catholic? If so, what do the little kids do when they approach for Communion but have not done their First Communion? In all the churches I’ve been in, the crossed-arms on the little ones has been always been the norm.
Just remember what name you used in case you want to come back.