How Can I Fix My BAD CAT?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Over the summer, a former classmate from college posted a message to our alumni board. Her mother had rescued a cat, and it had born kittens, blah blah, need homes desperately, blah blah blah. As it happened, my partner and I had been discussing how nice it would be to get a cat. My prior cat had died of a kitty coronary in February (kitty heart defect no one knew about).

So we got BAD CAT delivered (like the worst pizza ever) on the 4th of July. BAD CAT was so cute! BAD CAT was so good! We loved BAD CAT! BAD CAT was about 12 weeks old.

Then BAD CAT got big. And BAD CAT went bad. First he became manic BAD CAT. Then he became hump 'n pounce BAD CAT. We counted the days and when he was 6 mos, we got his wee BAD CAT marbles snipped off. BAD CAT got a little better.

BUT NOT FOR LONG.

BAD CAT discovered something- the trash. BAD CAT decided he liked vegetables. Chicken bones. Coffee grounds. Cold pasta. BAD CAT began knocking over trash cans.

BAD CAT cannot be stopped! BAD CAT will leap off of the refrigerator INTO the trashcan! BAD CAT has figured out how to knock over weighted and/or covered trashcans to get at their treasure! BAD CAT has even figured out how to jump from the stove and bat open the cabinets to get in the pantry to eat foods. BAD CAT also will scavenge from the sink, and HE CAN WORK HE FAUCET with his mighty BAD CAT paws.

But worst of all? BAD CAT will knock over any glass of liquid he can find. Not to drink, nooooooo. BAD CAT just likes to watch the water run all over the place. BAD CAT is now brazen- he’ll jump on the table while you are eating and knock over the cup. No glass of liquid is safe, and a LOT of things have gotten ruined by BAD CAT.

BAD CAT doesn’t care about being sprayed by a water gun. BAD CAT doesn’t hear ‘no’ very well. BAD CAT does not mind his hiney whapped with a magazine. BAD CAT has to be locked in the bathroom at meals, but cannot live forever in there. And we drink things at other times than meals.

BAD CAT is often very sweet and cuddly. But we can’t have BAD CAT make us never drink from cups or keep the trash on the back porch forever. How do we stop BAD CAT?

Be advised, BAD CAT does have fresh water in his dish and a bowl full of food he enjoys to free feed from. BAD CAT does not do this out of kitty hunger or thirst. BAD CAT is bad for fun.

2

It sounds like BAD CAT is a genius. You should video BAD CAT. We must assess BAD CAT restlessness objectively.

3

Look at ssscat videos on youtube. Kitties don’t seem to like those.

My cats very much dislike when I blow in their faces. I grab them by the back of the neck, say loudly “NO CATNAME” and blow in their face. They seem to understand that.

4

BAD CAT is not a genius. BAD CAT is kinda dumb. His other favorite game is to run and jump on the coffee table/dinner table with his paws spread out and s l i d e across, knocking everything on the floor. He is very capable on jumping up normally and gracefully, but not if he is in crazy mode.

5

It will be easier to channel BAD CAT’s energy into non-destructive activities than to discipline him. Give him plenty of exercise and stimulation. Buy some balls from the pet store and throw them around the house. Try to get B.C. to chase the balls and get him completely exhausted. String would probably work well also. (But don’t leave the string out unsupervised because he may eat it.) Since he is fascinated by water, let the bathtub faucet slowly drip and let him play there. He may also enjoy hiding in paper bags or climbing in a kitty condo.

6

I will go try the bathtub thing. He frequently chases his tail in it. In the dark. We have a floor-to-ceiling cat condo/climber. We had to modify it though because originally he figured out how to jump and whap the ceiling panels enough to open them and then would jump around in the drop ceiling until a panel fell and he fell through. You’d think that’d learn him, but you’d be wrong. Chasing a kitten throughout a drop-bottom ceiling at 4am from below is less awesome than one might imagine.

7

My cat sits on the edge of the bathtub and drinks and bats at the dripping water. I suspect yours will do the same. But the main issue is that your cat needs more exercise and stimulation.

8

And this cat is still alive why?

If conventional discipline does not work, I suggest brute force human-bigger-than-cat. cat-lives-at-will-of-human.
Short form - next time he clears a table, etc, chase him down immediately, and, in one motion, pick up by scruff of neck and throw. Hard. against the opposite wall.
You won’t break anything, but he just might get the idea that it is YOUR wishes, not his, which prevail.
If that doesn’t work either drop off at (overcrowed, over-worked, under-funded) shelter, or leave cat in box in garage with engine running and all garage doors closed.

Yes, I’m a monster - save it folks, a cat allowed to get to this point will not fit fit in with humans, and cannot survie in the wild.

9

Sounds like BAD CAT could use some crank.

But seriously. BAD CAT sounds awesome. So curious and playful. Reminds me of Maru.

10

No, BAD CAT just comes over and then stands on whatever bits of yours stick out of the water. BAD CAT claims them for Spain.

11

On the plus side, BAD CAT is very loving and patient with children. Even if they drag him around by his head (children are very young).

12

SparkleLilly, you have my sympathy. I have BAD CAT’s Japanese cousins living at my house.

Does your BAD CAT also race across your face/body as you sleep at night? Does BAD CAT keep forgetting that boobies are NOT to be run across/trampled? Are you, like me, afraid to trim your BAD CAT’s claws? My cats are cute/cuddly/adorable, but I live in mortal fear of them.

13

I honestly don’t know how you could entertain/wear out the cat, honestly. It’s not as though you can pay attention to BADCAT 24 hours a day; another cat would certainly keep him occupied, but if BADCAT taught NEWCAT bad habits, I think it’d be easier to move and not tell them than get TWOBADCATS to change. :stuck_out_tongue:

BTW, thank you; you just turned our two little hellions into absolute angels by comparison.

14

BTW, in case you didn’t know, medicating you cat is not unheard of. See ehow for example. I’ve also heard of some success with prozac or elavil. Vets can prescribe.

15

Military school.

16

::looks around.

We have children’s benedryl and sake…Will those work?

17

You need baby’s benedryl – liquid form. Alcohol BAD for BAD CAT :(. I still think a big tub of coffee ice cream could do wonders though.

18

I have liquid benedryl…

It currently sleeps on its cat tree. this is a trick.

19

No, really, we have the tools. Help us help BAD CAT. And by help, I mean ‘snow’.

20

Laser pointers, Da Bird, and Cat Dancers ( especially the last - absurdly cheap ) are all highly recommended.

But Taomist’s warnings notwithstanding, the best toy for a cat is another cat. Two cats aren’t cheaper than one, two cats are certainly potentially smellier than one, but two really does appear to be easier than one. I am not kidding. And young is the best time to introduce them to a potential new playmate. Worked wonders on my little hellion ( who at ~4 still thinks he is a rambunctious kitten ). Having a “brother” to roughhouse with made him 60% less annoying almost immediately

Please note that my firm opinion is that two is the optimal configuration. Not three, four, seven or eighteen :D.