Borrow Ale’s new keychain.
She could have her tubes tied right after the new baby arrives.
Abstinence becomes more reliable with each successive child–there’s simply no time! Just sayin…
Hombre, vasectomy is quick, cheap, much less invasive than tubal ligation, and odds are your woman will dig you for doing it. The hurtfulness is usually overstated in order to get sympathy, numerous cold beers without “that icey stare,” additional time off from honey-do projects, more & better sofa time, etc.
Just … don’t do anything strenuous like cleaning the fish tank & changing the gravel when you get home because the novacaine will not have worn off before you get started, but man, it will before you finish.
Plus, the best part of getting the vasectomy is when the Dr. warns you of the upcoming novacaine shot by lifting up your dress and saying, “Little prick…”
Get a job as an x-ray tech. Do not wear protective lead vest. That should do it. 'Course, the vasectomy would probably be faster. And healthier.
fatmac98 made a good suggestion; insurance usually covers it, too.
Pull out quick! It never fails… well mostly never.
Give BabySmith a baseball bat, then teach a new game called “hit Daddy’s crotch.” :eek:
(Oh, like it wouldn’t happen anyway)
Smoke a lot of weed. That’s supposed to lower your sperm count.
Ah, yes. I remember the good old days when I smoked up. Wait a minute…
No I don’t. 
Seriously, your wife went through labor once and is going to do it again (or underwent major surgery - or, like my friend, went through 40 hours of labor and then major surgery) to bring your children into life. And she probably has taken the brunt of birth control responsibility (unless you use condoms) for the term of your relationship - bite the bullet and buy a bag of frozen peas.
I don’t get it. Are the frozen peas taken orally or do you stick one in the end of your penis to stop anything from coming out?
Oh, wait, that is where the term " Pea Shooter" Comes from.
Anywhooo,
You could just ride your bicycle and ram your scrotum on the cross bar numerous times.
Or be a contestant on Most Extreme Challange.
[size=1]
[hijack]
Is or Does the word scrotum ever get pluralized? Like to scrotums or Scroti?
I mean, they are always referred to as balls. Being that I am not an owner of a set, I have often pondered this eternal question.
Signed,
Curious
[/hijack]
You slay me, Shirley!
Seriously, not everyone needs the frozen peas, 3 days on the sofa recovery. As if 3 days is anything like 9 months and labor and episiotomies and chapped nipples…but I digress.
My dude had the big V a few months back and was delighted with what a non-event it turned out to be. He claims the psychological fear was twenty times greater than any actual discomfort involved. YMMV, of course, but probably not that dang much.
And I can vouch for its simplicity and lack of painfulness, having had it done 6 weeks after the birth of my 4th child:
I went into the outpatient surgery. I was given an IV and doped up, and when I woke up later it was done. Alas, I woke up slightly before they were done, so that I woke up going OW OW OW OW but I was drugged enough that while I remember saying that, I cannot remember the pain, nor would I hesitate to do it again if I thought it were necessary. By the time I left the building an hour or so later, I needed not so much as a Tylenol. Yes there was cramping that lasted off and on for a few days, and then sporadically for a few weeks. No, it was not intolerable, certainly no worse than I get with my periods.
3 months later, I went back for a hysterosalpingogram, which was not painful either, and that was that. I am sterile forever and aye, and there shall be no more oopses.
I like it because there was no cutting involved, because the chance of tubal pregnancy is exceedingly small, and because at least to date there have been no documented cases of ‘failures’ (pregnancies) following successful Essure procedures (there are many cases of ‘failures’ following both tubal ligations and vasectomies, particularly tubals done at the same time as a cesarean section).
If your wife does not want to get pregnant again, she could simply kick you in the nuts every time you start to get frisky.
:eek: Dude, you’re not really naming the kid after that old guy on Gunsmoke, are you?
What? That’s Festus? Oh. Never mind…
Get a camel to sneak up behind you with two bricks…
If scrotum was a 2nd declension neuter Latin noun, the plural would be scrota.
Thus giving the name to the landfall: Nova Scrota.
Ohhhh Canaaaadaaaaa!
There’s something wrong with “scrotum” being neuter.
As someone who lost a large amount of his cola to the keyboard while reading this thread, I ask… nay, DEMAND that the man-child be named FetusSmith.