Right. Talk to your union steward. That will work, because if he doesn’t stop, you can cite him to the grievance committee.
I find most of the responses bizarre. It is very common for Person A to do something irritating to Person B without Person A realizing it. So the first step should always be for Person B to inform Person A that there is a problem, explain why it is a problem and ask him to desist. Only if this doesn’t work should Person B escalate. And as far as we know the OP has failed to do this basic initial step.
++. The suggestions that HR be contacted before just asking the guy to stop flirting seemed ulta-bizarre. I’ve been away from America for many years; is this what it’s come to?
Are those real things, or did you just make them up?
They real things if you’re in a union, but OP has given no indication that she is, and so that would be worthless to her. I’ve never been in a union, so I have no idea how effective they are.
You should see the interaction at my office…
Just shoot him a straight shot next time he does this and say “yeah right I don’t date dinosaurs they’re creepy” but say it in a non-chalant, casual way like he does when he says this stuff to you. He’ll get the memo.
In other words, beat him at his game and honestly all this is nothing compared to the jocular conversations we have at work. I think you’re a bit uptight and blowing things out of proportion, in my humble opinion.
Isn’t that illegal?
I think it comes from feeling uncomfortable. But all the training I’ve received say talk to the person first unless you’d feel threatened by doing so, then talk to your manager, and only then go to HR.
Most companies have training which covers this, which is the first place for the OP to go.
Also, there’s a difference between being rude and being blunt, which I believe is what’s being suggested here. Saying, “please, leave me alone. I don’t appreciate you flirting with me all the time,” is not rude. It’s straight foreward enough to get the point across that his attention is NOT welcome. It’s borderline sexual harassment.
Yeah that behaviour would irritate me as well,
You just have to basically tell him what you told us.
It can go something like this: *You’re a nice guy, and you may think your comments are harmless and I should find them flattering but they make me feel uncomfortable. *
What ever he says after that doesn’t matter. Just respond with. *I understand but please stop. *
It’s hard to confront someone about this but that’s a pretty diplomatic way to go about it. Don’t worry about making him a little uncomfortable, it’s what you’ve been putting up with. He’ll get over it, and frankly if your supervisor or boss has been witness to this behaviour and hasn’t had a chat with him about it yet, tsk tsk on them. I would if It was me.
I hope the OP takes ThelmaLou’s advice because that covers it. Believe me, she’s right; no matter what you say to this guy, he will not hear you. He will only hear that you are talking to him. The only way to stop it is to stop.
And thanks, bup.
This is retaliation, and is illegal. If the OP makes a good faith report about this guy and then if she is retaliated against, she has good grounds for a suit. IANAL, this is as per the mandatory sexual harassment training I just took at work.
The OP needs to report this to management and to H.R. She is not responsible for proving her case against the guy. Management and H.R. are bound to help her.
Agree. I don’t really understand why people advise to be extra-polite or extra-rude, let alone to involve HR, at this point.
No guarantee that it will work, of course but if you don’t like something someone does, the first step should be to tell them clearly you don’t like this thing.
*It is to laugh. *How do you prove it’s retaliation? They just say "your position is not longer needed’ after all she’s a sort of temp/casual.
I have seen this over and over. The squeaky wheel gets tossed out.
In any case, as many have pointed out Sexual Harassment training sez you need to ask first (unless it’s blatant or a manager to a underling.)
All we are saying is to ask first, politely. No need to be rude.
I can’t believe we’ve had over 30 responses and nobody has mentioned what should be the correct answer.
Talk to your supervisor about it. Tell your supervisor that the old guy is creeping you out and you don’t know what to do. If the supervisor decides to take it to HR, then you aren’t the one who caused the problem. If you do anything other than talking to your supervisor about it first, you are not giving your supervisor a chance of doing his job. He can’t fix what he doesn’t know about.
I work in a factory that is 70% male, so I’ve been in the OP’s shoes. Next time he says something out of line say, “You need to stop! Your comments are making me uncomfortable.” If he does it again, say, “Since you’re choosing to ignore my request, do not talk to me anymore unless it pertains to work. If you say one more unwelcome comment, I will have to take this matter up with HR.”
The guy knows where she lives. The less confrontational approaches are worth a try before escalating it to management and/or HR.
I am male, and never good-looking, so I have no experience with being subject to unwanted advances at the workplace. It seems likely to me that kayT’s and ThelmaLou’s responses are the result of unpleasant experience. However, I can’t connect with their certainty that every guy who flirts is actually the kind of person that they describe.
For each of you, would you care to elaborate further (if it’s not too intrusive or painful)? How many guys have you encountered like this? Has no man ever taken “No” for an answer?
[QUOTE=DrDeth]
How do you prove it’s retaliation? They just say "your position is not longer needed’ after all she’s a sort of temp/casual.
[/QUOTE]
If she has documentation of the timing of her complaint vs. the timing of her dismissal, in today’s climate in most jurisdictions it would be a prima facie case against the company. Companies don’t want to risk the high rewards that have been given, even if they are only given in a relatively few cases. The risk is too high.
[QUOTE=DrDeth]
In any case, as many have pointed out Sexual Harassment training sez you need to ask first (unless it’s blatant or a manager to a underling.)
[/QUOTE]
I have been through sexual harassment training, as a manager, once a year for something like 20 years. Based on that experience, your statement is not accurate, at least not for my company. Our instructions were clear: if anyone complained at all about unwanted attention or an uncomfortable workplace or anything like that, we were to immediately pass it up to HR with documentation. This is precisely the sort of case they were talking about, since so many victims would be reluctant to pursue it further. Once reported, they did not have a choice because we would pursue it whether they wanted to or not.
Most men take no for an answer. This man has not done so. He has demonstrated that he intends to persist no matter what. In my experiences, men who don’t take no for an answer never take no for an answer and in fact feel that any attention is good. I learned through trial and error (and it sometimes was a real trial) that failing to respond as soon as it became clear that NO was not being heard was the only way to get out of the situation with any success.
Call the police