How can I urinate faster?

Often I’ll need to use the men’s room at work. I’ll wander in, unzip, let 'er go.

Come on, come on, get out, I know you’re in there, that’s it, go go go go go go go … hurry up! Wait… why are you stopping?? Don’t stop! I have work to do, and I know there’s more. Oh, you’re starting up again. Okay, good… good… ahhh… Better… and… done!

So basically, I’m in a hurry to get in, get done, get out.

I try to coax the stream along, but I’m wondering if there’s anything else I can do aside from contorting wildly in front of the urinal. If I’m not careful, someone will mistake me for an extra on Breakin’ 3: Supersonic Boogaloo.

Must go faster…

I think the best way to ensure you urinate faster is to not be thinking about how quickly you have to urinate. In other words, relax. Try blinkers.

(I apologise for the absence of cites, rational argument, or evidence in this post.)

Do you only have this problem when your rushed or suffering from stage fright? If that’s the case I’d think about running water for the former and going for the stall for the latter.

I had this problem, coupled with what is termed urinary hesitation.

The answer? For a few days drink lots and lots of water (about a quart a day). It washes the bladder thoroughly, reduces any incipient kidney stones and gets the whole process functioning again normally.

Worked for me anyhow.

Vacuum cleaner?

::d&r::

Bob

You may try a Sound Kit (not likely appropriate for work so don’t click it if you are at work). One of my friends does this and the more extreme electrical ones.

Oh lord. Is there actually any physical pleasure from doing this or is it just the psychological pleasure of pain? I can understand things like spanking and whipping but this…yikes.

I don’t know how old you are, but it could be an enlarged prostate. Sitting for prolonged periods aggravates the problem. You might try an herbal remedy called Saw Palmetto, which has zero known side affects. Most doctors recognize the beneficial qualities of the herb and recommend its use.

It takes less time if you don’t unzip your pants.

Try drinking some water just before going to the bathroom. It also sounds like you may have either “performance anxiety” (self consciousness around other people) or prostate problems. You may wish to wait until the urge is quite pronounced before making your sortie.

It’s not a problem of anxiety. Well, I guess it is, kind of. I’m anxious to get a move on. But I’m not anxious about other people coming in.

Now, I’ve been drinking a lot of water (and coffee), and it doesn’t make the stuff come out faster - just more often!

And although I’ve always thought long-term sitting made it … well… sit there and therefore reluctant to wind its way out, I just got out of a two-hour lunch meeting, during which I hardly moved. Visited Monsieur Latrine, and it came out blissfully quick.

It’s not a problem, per se, but there’s always room for improvement.q

A visit to a urologist can give you lots of info about this. One thing you’ll learn is that there’s a wide range of “normal” rates of flow. I know, you’re standing there, and some other guy walks up to the next urinal and spews out a pint in three seconds and is gone, and you’re still peeing. The doc can tell you if there’s really something wrong.

I came.
I Saw Palmetto’d.
I pissed like a racehorse.

You may have “shy bladder” Go to GOOGLE and it will give you 100 hits on how to urinate better if you have shy bladder.

Unless you’re a pregnant woman, which you aren’t, because it can produce weird hormonal effects apparently. ( http://www.personalhealthzone.com/sawpalmetto.html )

Practise them Pelvic floor exercises boys! Not just for girls!

(you might find not only can you control your urination speed, you’ll also get better orgasms! ;))

whoa! where’d everyone go? :smiley:

I was gonna mention the prostate thing. If the saw palmetto does work you should probably see a doctor. Also, if you have a pot belly or poor posture the flow can be obstructed somewhat.

I think everybody just has their own natural urinating speed, and that you really can’t do too much to change it.

I always felt inadequate in a public loo because I’d be tinkling away, while some guy would saunter up to a nearby urinal, and release a stream that sounded like a garden hose sprayer on high blast, aimed into a pool.

I would say only if you are due for a physical, then mention the problem to your physician. An enlarged prostate is not necessarily a health problem and shouldn’t be equated to prostate cancer. I’ve had the problem for years, but my PSA readings are completely normal and in fact have dropped as a result of better diet. Prescription drugs for enlarged prostate can have some significant side effects, and many doctors are reluctant to recommend them if other measures can be effective.

I’d like to reiterate that this isn’t a problem, that it’s not as if it’s taking an interminable length of time.

I just want it to be faster.

Maybe I’ll just bring one of those cup-and-hose things to the cubicle…

Faster? How faster are we talking about? 35 mph faster?

or is the real question how much more horsepower you are trying to get out of your pee? :wink: