Replace all the lightsabers with walke-talkies.
Ohhh… I have one, but I can’t decide if it is a horrible idea or a great one, inasmuch as it can add a little humor to a sinkining ship Have a small cameo, or a throwaway reveal that the movie space Ball isn’t a parody of Space Wars, but a real incident in the SW galaxy. Kinda’ like how:
Mace: What does Yoda look like?
Palpatine: Buh?
Mace: What does Yoda LOOK LIKE?
Palpatine: Um…ah…well, he’s kinda short…green…
Mace: Does he look like a bitch??
Palpatine: What?
Mace: Does he look look like a BITCH???
Palpatine: Um…no…
Mace: Then why you tryin’ ta fuck him like a bitch??
What?! Say it ain’t so.
A droid Jedi, that would kaibosch the whole idea of The Force being part of nature. Obi Wanky Knobby (sp?) could forget about the two droids he’s been hanging about with for the last two prequils. George Look-ass could try to write a tear jerker.
Holy crap. People really do roll on the floor laughing their ass off at one-liners they read on message boards. I never thought it would happen to me.
The moralizing about “Death Sticks” in Episode One doesn’t go nearly far enough to encourage kids to Just Say No.
The spice-hookah should be replaced with a gumball machine in the Mos Eisley cantina, and Wuhrer’s line about not serving 'droids should be relooped to reflect his unwillingness to allow Luke’s obviously under-21 ass into the cantina. He stays outside and the 'droids keep him company.
Also, a man of Han’s unimpeachable character would never knowingly be smuggling spice for Jabba. All dialogue about him jettisoning a shipment in anticipation of being boarded by the Imperial Navy should be altered to reflect that he went to authorities voluntarily when he acidentally discovered that the Hutts had fraudulently filled out the shipping manifest, and he wasn’t carrying donated toys for orphaned Rodians in Mos Espa after all. That’s why Jabba’s so pissed at him.
Also, the 20th Century Fox executives were right all along. Chewbacca really should be wearing pants.
Instead of dying after the birth of the twins, Padme should lapse into a permanent vegetative state, and twelve hours of screen time should be dedicated to Senator Lott Dodd, acting in the Machiavellian interest of Palpatine, delivering an interminable series of absurd motions in the Senate to keep her body going on a bacta drip.
I heard something about a 3D movie that was planned to be made, but fortunately, the idea was dropped. If it was made, I would hate for their the title crawl stating it was a long time ago get cut, and then have hints dropped that it actually takes place in the future, hints which make no sense to the first time viewer.
Yeah, I know. That was meant to be a “Sequels you have decided don’t exist.”
LOL. But you’re missing the point - that would be a HUGE improvement !
Palpatine (cameo by Ving Rhames) to Annakin: When you put on the helmet you might feel something. That’s the “good” side of the Force fuckin’ with you. FUCK the “good” side.
No. Instead of the torpedo being small, make it large, kind of like a bomb, and have Luke guide it in by riding on it, waving a suddenly appearing cowboy hat and going “Wahoo, wahoo.”
Mike Myers stars as Ben Kenobi’s brother Obi-hayve
Instead of James Earl Jones, Darth Vader’s voice dubbed by Michael Jackson. Or Bobcat Goldthwaite. Or Pee-Wee Herman.
Replace Darth Vader with Twiki from Buck Rogers, including Mel Blanc’s voice.
Recast Jason Alexander as Luke.
Jar Jar is fired and turns to prostitution for a living…
“Meesa so horny. Meesa love yousa long time.”
Unfortunately, they were never there in the first place. Her costume was just tailored (very well, I might add) to make it look like they were. What you were seeing weren’t nipples, but just the corners of those pocket-like layers on her tunic.
As Padme hurries through the forest with baby Luke and Leia, she suddenly stops just short of a clearing.
“Shh,” she tells the children. “Don’t make a sound. Now. Run! As fast as you can!”
Luke and Leia dash across the clearing. Behind them a single shot rings out.
“That was close, mama. Mama? MAMA???”
In the final scene, Han Solo realizes his wookie partner has rabies and has to shoot Ole Chewie.
Episode III is released as a musical.
“The PHAAAAAAAAA…ntom of the Jedi, he is heeeeeeere… insiiiiiide your miiiiiind!!!”
Funny! 