Or Gilbert Gottfried.
Or Fran Drescher!
Yaaaaaagh!
All the fx could suck.
All the fx are so bad there are NO exterior shots of spaceships. The battles are just described by the actors on the sets and then when they get hit teh camera tilts one way and the actors all fall the other way.
Jar-Jar gets cloned, and the clones visit the forest moon of Endor.
The hanger doors part to reveal Darth Maul dead at the feet of Ash from The Evil Dead films in all his chainsaw-and-12-guage-wielding glory.
“Alright you robe wearing screw-heads, lets talk about getting me back home”
This thread is about making Star Wars WORSE, fool!
Why not digitally remove all the light sabres and replace them with cell phones?
Two possibilities come to mind:
1.) Turn the whole series over to the same group that is currently doing the Teen Titans cartoon. They could have a faux 60’s surfer Pop score, and all be done in extremem anime styles. Imagine Anakin and Obi Wan having in argument a la Robin and Cyborg.
2.) Star Wars Babies – hey it worked for Looney Tunes and Muppets, why not Star Wars, there is a whole toddler market even Jar-Jar has left untapped.
Cut-and-pasted from Silentgoldfish: This thread is about making Star Wars WORSE, not better. 
You weren’t supposed to give away the ending to Episode IX yet!! :mad:
Padme, pregnant with Luke n Leia, flees Annikin accompanied only by Jar-Jar. She goes into labor. Jar-Jar announces, “I don’t know nothin’ ‘bout birthin’ no Jedis, Miss Padme.”
Robin Williams is Darth Vader.
In all seriousness, there is one way you could ruin the entire series and not have to change any of the previous films. Just add something to Episode III:
Jar-Jar becomes a Jedi.
Play it absolutely straight. Obi-Wan notices Jar-Jar doing something that suggests he has Force sensitivity. He tests Jar-Jar’s mitichoridianthingies and they’re off the fuckin’ charts. Obi-Wan trains Jar-Jar. Jar-Jar is at first a lummox of a student but he catches on, culminating in a scene were he finally accomplishes some training task - levitating four big objects, say - and triumphantly annouces, “Meesa gotsa da FORCE!!!” accompanied by a rousing John Williams number that on the soundtrack is listed as “Jar Jar Becomes A Jedi.”
Towards the end of the movie, a lightsaber-wielding Jar-Jar, as part of a five-thread final battle sequence, is seen slicing his way through platoons of Sith or Rebel or Imperial troops, whatever the bad guys are going to be called, with a serious, determined visage and his ears flopping all about, his enemies cut down before him like grass, while serious battle music plays as loud as the Boston Pops can play them.
Finally, the scene we’ve all been waiting for - Obi-Wan vs. Darth Vader, pre-android. And Vader beats him and is about to chop him up - and Jar-Jar attacks! Jar-Jar and Darth Vader engage in a battle to the death, lightsabers flying! And Jar-Jar is KICKING DARTH VADER’S ASS! But Vader heaves a rock at his head using the Force, distracting him, and lands the killing blow!
Obi-Wan recovers them and defeats Vader, greivously wounding him in a manner apparently fixable only by wearing a big black suit of armor. Vader/Skywalker beaten, he rushes to the side of Jar-Jar, who is gasping out his last breaths, having made the ultimate sacrifice, “Meesa cold!” says Jar-Jar, and Obi-Wan assures him help is on the way. “Meesa thanks you you shows me da Force,” says Jar-Jar - and with a swell of sad and magnificent John Williams, Jar-Jar passes on to the next world.
Play it all absolutely dead serious. And then you will have achieved the nadir of Star Wars suckitude.
Scary thing is, Lucas might actually do it.
::shudder::
Bucket please.
at this point Obi Wan yells “NOOOOOOOOOOO!” right?
There is a black hole of suckitude where my computer was. Thanks.
If you get a call from Skywalker Ranch, hang up!
I think that RickJay has officially won this thread.
You forgot the part where, before the legions of bad guys attack, Jar-Jar says Messa got a bad feeling about this!
If Jar-Jar is going to play such a central role, he really needs a love interest. Perhaps a girl Gungan with long eyelashes and big pink bows on her floppy ears. She would be voiced by the same guy who does Jar-Jar, only higher and more screeching. This would provide Lucas with the opportunity for touching scenes of romance ala those in Attack of the Clones.
GIRL GUNGAN: “No, Jarry, no! Weesa cannot fall in love!” (spoken while wearing black nightgown which reveals her seductive Gungan curves)
JAR-JAR: “Meesa no like sand! It hard and coarse and gets in ears! Not like yousa! Yousa soft and smooth!”