Recent events have caused me to evaluate some statistics.
10,000 people are killed each year in the US as a result of drunk driving. Approximately 30 people each day. Approximately half of these people were innocent, e.g. not driving drunk themselves but killed by someone else who was. Purely for comparison purposes, the number of people killed in random gun violence (e.g. not gang or crime-related violence, domestic violence, etc.) is about 250-500 depending on the year.
On a larger scale, approximately 100,000 people are killed each year in alcohol-related deaths, compared to just 30,000 people in firearm-related deaths (of which over half were suicides).
People are responding very strongly to the recent mass shooting, with demands for new, strict gun laws to minimize the chance of this happening again. And I have to admit, out of all the mass shootings that have happened recently, this is the first one that’s really affected me emotionally, and made me reconsider my support for gun rights. But in the course of researching statistics and crime rates, etc. related to gun violence last night, I was amazed to discover just how deadly and dangerous alcohol is in this country. I mean, we get all bent out of shape about gun violence, and yet there is absolutely no national-level debate about alcohol control!
Conveniently, many people in various threads have proposed useful regulatory schemes for improving gun control. I’ve taken the liberty of adapting these schemes for the purpose of alcohol control instead. Since alcohol and guns are not very different, I think this is a reasonable proposal (or at least, as reasonable as the original gun control proposals), since both alcohol consumption and gun ownership are primarily recreational activities, not necessary for life, that a large fraction of the population partake in harmlessly, but which nevertheless cause widespread harm as a result of the actions of a few. Of course, guns do have a practical application (self-defense), whereas alcohol is purely recreational. In any case, just like every gun is potentially dangerous, every bottle of alcohol is potentially dangerous and must be treated as such! Think of the children.
I have a bit of experience with alcohol, but I’m not a crazy alcoholic - I don’t collect wine or anything nutso like that - so I think I’m qualified to propose these rules!
So, my proposal:
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Require that every purchaser and consumer of alcohol have an alcohol consumption license, issued at the discretion of the local police chief and reissued annually. The minimum age for an alcohol license should be 35 - people younger than that don’t have the self-control to handle alcohol well and contribute to the most deaths. As a condition of an alcohol consumption license, you must participate in a biennial mental evaluation by a substance abuse counselor who will verify that you are well-qualified to consume alcohol and will not pose a threat to society due to alcohol abuse, as well as a Federal Alcohol Safety Program Seminar every 5 years teaching you cork safety, proper storage techniques, etc. The license cost will be approximately $250, the biennial review $500, and the safety program $1000, although your local jurisdiction may charge additional fees to cover the cost of administering this program.
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The alcohol license should specify what kind of alcohol they are allowed to consume, e.g. beer, red wine, white wine, tequila, etc. In order to obtain the license, you should have to certify that you are not consuming the alcohol solely to get drunk, but because you appreciate the taste and subtlety of that particular type of alcohol. A limited number of people who could prove they need to consume multiple types of alcohol would be able to get a special license for this purpose.
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Alcoholic beverages should be limited to 5% alcohol by volume. We don’t need “rapid-fire” alcoholic drinks that is simply more dangerous and gets you drunk faster. 5% ABV should be enough for anyone.
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To minimize the chances of alcohol ending up in the hands of an unlicensed user, every user of alcohol should be legally obligated to store their alcohol in a secure container, under lock and key. Each alcoholic beverage should be sold with an interlock keyed to the purchaser’s fingerprint. Each alcohol user would be held strictly responsible for the consequences of any use of their alcohol by unlicensed users. The government would set up a website so that you could check the ID, license status, fingerprints, etc. of people you invite to your house for dinner.
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Each alcoholic - I mean, alcohol user - will be limited to 5 bottles of alcohol stored in their home at any given time. Any more than this is excessive, and 5 bottles should be more than enough for purposes of entertaining, dining, etc. “Collectors” would be able to get a special license for having more bottles if they really need to, but this would be subject to additional requirements (such as a DUI interlock on your car), on-site visits, etc. I’ve seen people with whole rooms dedicated to their alcohol collection, with hundreds of bottles - an “arsenal” of alcohol, if you will. Just ridiculous, and completely unnecessary. Sick, really. Why would anyone need so many bottles?
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The size of wine glasses should be strictly regulated. No wine glass larger than 5 oz will be permitted. By requiring people to “reload” more often, we will make it harder for them to get dangerously drunk.
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Some bottles of alcohol “look” more dangerous than others. Wine bottles are nice and pleasant to look, but bottles of hard liquor like, scotch, whisky, etc. often look like something an alcoholic would drink. This, for instance. Bottles that look like this would be banned.
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The manufacturer of each alcoholic beverage would be held strictly liable for the crimes committed by the consumer under the influence of said beverage.
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Violation of all these regulations will be strictly punished! Criminals will be obligated to follow them because the tighter regulation will diminish the legal supply and this will make it harder for criminals to get drunk…or something like that!
Obviously these rules will not lead to a total cessation of alcohol-related deaths, but by making it bureaucratically more difficult to consume alcohol, hopefully we will reduce the total number of alcohol users and make such deaths less likely. Over time, hopefully our society’s dangerous widespread acceptance of alcohol use will fade.
Anyone who objects to these rational measures is obviously a cold-hearted alcoholic bastard who is unwilling to sacrifice his freedom for the safety of all society. Alcohol is unnecessary and not needed, and you should be glad that you are allowed to consume it at all given that some people abuse it and cause untold, horrible carnage every day.
I am welcome to other rational suggestions! I am especially interested in suggestions based on proposals for gun control schemes mentioned somewhere on the board that I’ve missed.