How Can Women Develop Better Self-Images?

In My Humble Opinion
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Has anybody else read any of these books?

Fat is A Feminist Issue by Susie Orbach

Overcoming Overeating by Jane R. Hirschmann, Carol H. Munter et al

Feeding the Hungry Heart or anything else by Geneen Roth

They have gone a long way toward ameliorating my eating and self-image problems. They all espouse the same basic “program”–giving up the weight obsessed lifestyle and eating whatever you feel hungry for whenever you feel hungry. It is not easy. I have been eating this “new way” for almost 10 years now and I am finally starting to notice a major shift in my attitude towards food.

As a child, food was a major battle within my family–I was a very small child and there were arguements about eating more food, arguements about eating certain kinds of food, an extreme emphasis on “nutritious” food–but also food used as comfort or reward.

I engaged in binging and purging from late high school until a year or two out of college, when I decided NO MORE. I started reading books like the ones I listed.

It has taken a long time, but I just kept returning to the principles in the books and they are really paying off.

Even though I am quite fat, I feel strong and healthy. I take joy in my body and what it can do. I eat what I like, when I like, as much as I like or as little as I like (took me awhile to figure out I not only had an eating disorder but also a cooking disorder–learning to cook really helped). I find my body attractive most of the time.

One thing you have to accept is that a lifestyle that does not include worrying about your weight is going to separate you from a lot of women. I didn’t realize how many conversations with my friends were about dieting, eating, losing weight, gaining weight, until I decided not to participate in conversations like that.

Well, I don’t know how relevant what I’ve written is, but I wish for all women (and men! and children!) that they learn to love and trust their bodies and their hungers.

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If you want to feel better about yourself, then do something that makes you feel pretty. I’ve never really had any weight problems, but I did have a really, really horrible case of acne. When I’d look in the mirror, I would see that…but then I would look again. I’d look at the features that I did like, like my big beautiful eyes and my thick, curly/wavy brown hair everyone tells me they would kill to have, and my soft, plump, oh-so-kissable lips. And then I took some of my makeup, and emphasized those good features. Doing so made me feel pretty.

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Gay men get it from both sides - we have a lot of the same body self-esteem issues as women, combined with the machismo bullshit of men.

I’ve had lots of body-related self-esteem problems (and a lot of the time, I sound like that Special K commercial quoted above). What do I do about it? Not a whole lot… :\ I vaccilate between irritation with my body, irritation at the standards I’m held to, irritation with the men who look at me through that optic, and wonderment at the fact that my fucking gorgeous boyfriend thinks I’m fucking gorgeous.

It’s very interesting that I’m Tom’s type, and Tom is my type (good goddess, is he ever), but we’re not our own types, which can make life difficult. Also, my physical type is not one that’s generally appreciated in gay culture, which makes life difficult if I should ever want to, you know, fuck.

Oh well. I just do what I can and try not to get too worked up about it.

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There’s a new onslaught on right now, btw… the metro is filled with these ads for a new gym, and it’s directly aimed at gay guys (beautiful Mapplethorpe torsos all over the place). It drives me insane with anger whenever I look at one of those things, because on one side it’s soooo, oh look, you should take care of yourself, and you’ll feel better about yourself and look better and whatnot, and the temptation is so strong, and on the other hand I know that they don’t give a flying shit about it as long as they separate me from my money. They want to make money off of my psychology and I’m not interested in helping with that.

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“I woke up one day, sat, then stood out of bed, and prompty passed out onto my floor”

well, not to that degree, but having my head spin a bit from hunger, and just wanting to just lie on the floor and not get up from lack of energy … :slight_smile: yes i have all this too when i diet hard and long. this is caused by low leptin levels, as leptin regulates how body uses energy, and leptin levels crash during crash dieting :slight_smile: perhaps not the best way to lose weight :slight_smile:

its not that your body has no energy sources without food, your body has enough energy stored :slight_smile: its that food boosts leptin levels and that in turn allows the body to use the sources.

if you exercise a lot you will have more energy and will not be likely to collapse on the floor even after 3 days without food :slight_smile: although you should really eat 5 meals a day :slight_smile:

exercise is not a chore for those who do it regularly. if you go to a gym and look at any guys who have some muscle on them, you will see by their faces they are having a blast. the second i come back from the gym i start fantasizing about the next workout :slight_smile:

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“my physical type is not one that’s generally appreciated in gay culture”

just out of curiosity, what is that type appreciated in the gay culture ? and how is it different from the type appreciated by straight women ?

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There are a number of physical types… they range from fat-free with medium-sized muscles to fat-free with large-sized muscles. Skinny guys or guys with little bellies need not apply.

Body hair varies from completely hairless chest to a little bit of hair on the chest. No hair on the back.

Chiseled or boyish good looks. Oh, and caucasians only, please.

(pause for major :rolleyes: )

It’s getting to the point where a nude, depilated, muscular, white torso is a sort of alternative pink triangle. And it’s all being sold to us by companies who prey on the already-lowered self-esteem dealt to us by a homophobic world, in the same way that they prey on the lowered self-esteem dealt to women by a sexist one. It’s Machiavellian.

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I have to agree with SlowMindThinking and even sven. My advice for folks with body-image issues would be to find something physical that you love doing. I love hiking. It makes me feel powerful to be able to tote around a backpack and climb up a mountain. I love dancing. I love how the music feels and how my body moves. Knowing that my body can do these things makes me feel strong and sexy. If girls were encouraged to do more physical things–not necessarily competitive sports, since people get all wrapped up in who’s the best–I think it would do a lot to help with body image.

And good sex? Good sex is never a bad idea. :wink:

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Just out of curiosity, I did some googling on muscle dismorphia, a body image disorder in which the victim becomes obsessed with being bigger and more muscular. One study found that about 10% of male bodybuilders are afflicted, compared to 84% (!) of female bodybuilders (cite). Apparently, women just can’t win.

Here’s some more reading: this, this, and this.

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With all due respect, vasyachkin, zweisamkeit passed out because she was literally starving. Every symptom she related is due to her body being in “I’m starving to death” mode; it has absolutely nothing to do with how much she was exercising. If I read your post correctly and you were advising someone starving to death to exercise more, you are risking serious injury (and even death) for that person. I think your advice is dangerous; someone listing zweisamkeit’s symptoms needs to see a doctor, nutritionist, and probably therapist ASAP (because she was listing symptoms of a serious body dysmorphic disorder), not hit the gym more.

Carlotta, I have read “Fat is a Feminist Issue”, and I think that is when I started getting off the diet roller coaster. I haven’t allowed myself to diet in over three years now, and I have a stable body weight while eating whatever I want and exercising when I want. Turns out that I actually want healthy things, once I really learned how to listen to my body. Now I’m working on getting all the bugs out of my body image.

matt, I hadn’t considered how body image problems affect gay men. It sounds truly difficult to develop and keep a healthy self-image in what sounds like a very judgemental and unrealistic community.