I’m pissed off because this bigot who defended Trump’s shithole comment and I called him out for it acts like the victim and I am bullying him for it .
I usually call them on it and say don’t talk that way around me.
Call him a special snowflake. It is amazing how the ‘Fuck your feelings’ people on the right are often the people with the most sensitive feefees.
I want to call him out for being a liar and making himself the victim, but I know I should just leave him. How should I deal with my frustration?
Just keep reminding yourself, (as often as is required till you fully internalize it!), that you can choose to not care about that. Choose to not be at all invested in his nature, good or bad. There are a million jackasses in the world and you weren’t sent here to change their destinies. Just deal with who you are and leave the rest. His Mama already raised him up, so just feel pity for him, and leave it alone.
It may be because over the years I have built up a social network of people who think as I do, but no one ever seems to share bigoted ideas or jokes with me anymore.
Except for a few older relatives and their cronies. But I can give slack to them, since they never learned better and have never (to my knowledge) ever been less than civil to anyone in person. I don’t know how they can maintain the thought that “Those People” are naturally lazy criminals with almost instinctual rhythm and athletic ability while every one whom they happen to know are just like “Regular People.”
I’m an old white man in Texas, and believe it or not there are still racists here. Anyone who has ever made a racist comment around me is immediately out of my life. Including family. If you’re that effing stupid I hate to see you wasting the oxygen in the air anywhere around me. Racism isn’t a minor social failing, it’s a cancer, a plague, a sepsis that kills the innocent. Leaders of the civil rights movement forgave George Wallace, I’m in awe of a faith and humanity that is in black people that could allow them to do that…
I’ll stop caring when they stop voting and holding society back socially and legally.
Going to tell this story again.
A couple of years back, a gamer buddy lost his job as a truck driver and had some difficulty finding a new job. He’d been laid off, but how you have trouble getting a job in a field defined by driver shortages is another matter.
Well, this experience left him bitter and increasingly racist. He started making racist comments on the group’s FB page and at games. Every time, he’d get called out for it and asked to stop. I stopped playing with them for other reasons (they moved into D&D 5e, I didn’t care for it), but remained on the FB group. Well, apparently he got called a racist on several occasions at the games and got very butthurt over it.
He posted an angry rant about how he wasn’t a racist and he didn’t like being called a racist and stomped out of the group. A few people still playing pointed out that he was making racist comments and jokes and had been repeatedly asked to stop. My comment to him was “Then perhaps you should recognize that this isn’t the right audience for that sort of thing”. He raged about how he wasn’t a racist. :rolleyes: (Yes, dude, based on your mouth, YOU ARE.) He defriended me.
Well apparently, he calmed down and went crawling back to the group a few weeks later, and I never heard anything more on the FB group about it.
its the fact that Anglachel jumped straight to arresting somebody for thinking something and also the lack of any indication of criminal activity in the** OP**
The second anyone says “Yeah, but…” I stop listening. You can never change the ind of that person.
I used to live by the “silence is acceptance” rule; always engaging with them politely and in a calm voice.
I used to try to appeal to their logic and even once saw the light of an opening mind in one pair of eyes.
I am old now and my fighting days are over. I gave up trying to change the mind of racists. Now I hear their hate speak and close my ears.
However all my life I refused to socialize with or have one as a friend. Unfortunately at work one can not always employ such standards.
I was kind of hoping for a reply from glowacks. The more I thought about it, the more I wondered if he or she was being sarcastic and I just can’t tell.
I’m just glad that this thread was started. I spend some of my spare time cleaning up other people’s trash in the local rivers, and I’ve reached a point where I can accept that some people just never learned to clean up after themselves. The bigotry of some of my friends has come to light recently, and it has been a problem. Maybe I can accept that they just didn’t get that lesson either.
I also think that there the stuff that we do together is important, especially in overcoming our differences. I think at some point you can say. “Hey, we’re (doing xyz) here!” and get the subject back to a less contentious subject.
You need to ask yourself a question:
what is your goal with any interactions with this person?
It seems like interactions between people that disagree are typically based on the thought that person X is right, person Y is wrong and person X needs to force person Y to accept person X’s world view. It happens in politics, religion, SDMB (constantly) and rarely leads anywhere productive.
Instead of trying to bend them to your will, if you think there is any value engaging this person at all, try to understand their position, assumptions, etc. using questions. Two things can result from this:
1 - At least you will understand why they have views you disagree with
2 - The process itself can possibly sometimes get them to reconsider their position as they think through things they may have glossed over previously
Sometimes you learn something interesting about how the other person is thinking.
That goes both ways. IME, people that have that mentality also start right in with the “no, I said ____, you aren’t allowed to question it” or some other BS.
I see no reason to listen to someone’s position when they’re commanding me to do (or not do) something and not and thinly veiling it as a discussion.
What’s your relationship with the guy? Relative, significant other, co-worker, guy you ride the bus with? Because how you react to him should probably depend on how you have to interact with him in future.
There are some topics in which I am the infuriating bigot, at least in the perception of other people.
Guy I used to be friends with decided to have a loud conversation in the bus terminal with another woman in which he very loudly declared that he wished someone would assassinate President Obama. :eek:
I stopped talking to him after that and he got really angry about it.
Sorry, I don’t care who the president is, even Trump. You don’t carry on loud, public conversations wishing someone would kill them. That isn’t a conversation that I want to be having with the authorities, even if I’m just telling them that you’re an asshole, and I don’t want any references to it on a file somewhere with my name on it.