I would be super suspicious of a boyfriend that kept in close contact with his exes while demanding that I don’t. It’s not a matter of whether I actually want to or not (and actually I don’t, for the most part) - that kind of double standard would turn me off pretty quickly.
Ha, interesting thread topic. Just last week, my SO told me one of initial things he liked about me (that was unusual) was that I had a healthy relationship with my former boyfriends. I don’t hate them, I don’t resent the time I spent with them, I occasionally talked to them on shared topics of interest (cooking with one, the environment and technology with the other). A day after he mentioned this, the one went off the deep end when we were discussing the Whole Foods CEO over facebook, and sent me a nasty message saying I was insulting his girlfriend and unfriended me. So much for healthy on his end!
But when I think of it, I have quite a few gifts from old boyfriends. My boots and old Blackberry were from one, a sweater from another, and probably others I can’t recall. But I had to think of them in the context of this thread to even remember they came from them; in other words, there aren’t emotions associated with the objects. I don’t give much thought to objects. And as for pictures, well, I’m 22 so 90% of mine are on my computer, and I rarely peruse them. I have a few photo albums, but I recall pictures with them as fond memories. I’m pretty good at remembering the good and not the bad.
If you have emotions tied up in your objects, I’d say she’s not being fair. But if you don’t, she is being overbearing. However, in her defense, she could be like me - I don’t call old boyfriends exes, cause it sounds like they were excommunicated to me, and ex has a nasty connotation to it, IMO. Old or former to describe them is good, and if they’re really old (first boyfriend at age 15) then I might even call them an old friend.
It’s almost important to note that - IMO - I am the exception and not the rule at keeping old partners as friends. Both former partners don’t keep their old partners as friends, and have taken measures to cut them out of their lives.
Apologies for the double post but this was summed up just perfectly.
I’m not sure how much of an exception that is these days…I have some ex-boyfriends who I would never speak to again of course, but mostly we stay on civil terms. And I can honestly say that my ex-husband (divorced now for 14 years) is still my best friend (outside of my husband of course). He stays with us when he is in town visiting our son. My last significant SO before my husband was best friend with his ex-wife- she used to come on family vacations with us even.
I thought you were over-reacting a bit until this:
I’d tell her, “Sorry, but I’m not prepared to do that anymore than you would do the same. Plus, it’s ridiculously unnecessary.” Besides, any girlfriend (or non-romantic friend for that matter) who displayed any desire to control who is and who is not my friend, well, that kind of jealousy is a dealbreaker for me.
I’m on friendly terms with almost all my exes, although there’s not really any opportunity to talk to most them. Do I have trappings? Yeah, sure. I have sports gear that was bought for me as a gift. No, I’m not going to throw out my perfectly good bike trainer just because it used to be my ex’s and she gave it to me. It’s perfectly serviceable and it’s mine now. I have a couple dress shirts and ties, a few goofy things, and I think I have an MP3 player around somewhere still.
I did return and/or purge any major meaningful gifts that I felt were inappropriate to keep. For example an expensive pocket watch went back to the ex.
On the flip side of the coin, my fiancee has healthy friendships with most of her exes too. (The ones she’s still in touch with) and we hang out with the one guy and his wife quite regularly. She also has a really cool jewelery box her artisan ex handcrafted for her about 6 years ago. It’s really cool, and I’d hate for her to get rid of it. There’s also other various things around the house, but I cant think of anything off the top of my head.
I never look back. I share children with a former spouse, and have spoken to her maybe twice in the last 17 years. No photos, no knicknacks, nada.
My ex-wife and I have been divorced 15 months now. I have my own apartment down the street but we still own our house together and raise the kids together. I keep them at the house most days and see her most days. I talk to her every day and usually multiple times. We have no intention of getting back together but we still control a lot of things in common and I am not from here so I even spend major holidays with her family. I have the same pictures I always did on the walls and stashed around. They aren’t going anywhere. It is an unusual situation and I worry about getting involved in another relationship because it would end swiftly and very, very badly if someone ever made so much as a comment on it because we are doing what seems to work for us and the kids and no one else is allowed to meddle with that.
“Keep your exes close…but stay the hell away from their trappings.” :eek:
About 7600 kms.
There’s only two ex’s I keep track of. My ex-wife, but only because we have kids together. Like CanvasShoes, I’m barely civil to her for the kids’s sake but if I had my druthers I’d never speak to her again. My last girlfriend, with whom we parted on excellent terms because we decided we wanted to be friends instead. The rest, bah! Don’t care.