Is your ex a booty call on retainer?

In the “When does an ex stop being an ex?” thread, Dio has stated:

So how about it? If you and your ex are still friends but have moved on to new relationships, do you still think of your ex as a booty call on retainer, or for you is just being friends really just being friends?

Not only is this poll misleading, I don’t think it’s what Cynic meant at all.

I took his post as being a true representation of what he meant. Feel free to explain what it is that he meant but did not say, and explain how what he said is not what he meant.

In any event, I am truly curious as to the proportion of folks who are just friends with their exes and who are in new relationships but still think of their exes as booty on retainer.

Like this poll is going to elicit an honest response anyway.

How about this for a poll:

How many people have ended up sleeping with exes they thought they were done with? How many people would be a couple of drinks and a fight with the current SO away from hopping in the sack with an ex if the opportunity arose?

I think that people who keep up relationships with exes (and the thread was about fomer live-in relationships, not just casual dating or sex partners from the past, so let’s be clear about that) quite often do so because they want to retain that person as a backup if their current situation fails.

This is especially true for men. Hell, they don’t even need their current situation to fail. If you don’t believe me, offer any male ex a blow job.

Just night before last I got an email from my girlfriend of circa 1986-87. I owe emails to my girlfriend of circa 1980-1983 and my girlfriend of circa 1987-1991.

It’s been extremely rare that I’ve become sexually reinvolved with someone, and that is entirely NOT due to having any attitudes or barriers to doing so (I don’t do sexual possessiveness in relationships; if it should seem like a good thing for me or my current partner to have sex with someone else, why shouldn’t we?), it’s just how things are. But I’d sure hate to lose any of them as friends, and if anyone expected me to cut them off for the privilege of being with them, I’d write that person off as thoroughly incompatible with my way of being in the world.

My exes are people who mean a great deal to me as people. I’d no more write them out of my life than I’d disown my blood relatives.

With the proviso that the first question be amended to “How many people while in a subsequent relationship . . .”, I think these would be interesting poll questions.

There is only one of my ex’s I would piss on if he were on fire, and I’m not sure, but he might be dead. You couldn’t pay me to sleep with any of them.

I lost my virginity to my only ex. It was unpleasant and painful. But I figured it was my first time, and I have a whole bunch of hangups, and that was bound to happen and gave him few more chances. They were much less painful, but still rather unpleasant and painful. Spect those two times I actually started to get into it, only for him to wreck it as I was and become unpleasant and painful again. Then we broke up.

Never again. (So no booty calls.)

I was stupid and naive and thought I loved him. I know. :rolleyes:

Yes, but would you be BFF’s with any of them?

I am good friends with one of my ex’s. He was the MC at my wedding, and I would never even think of hooking up with him, and the feeling is mutual. In fact he is coming over for Easter dinner with his girlfriend.

Come to think of it I am on speaking terms with all of my ex’s and would not want to sleep with any of them.

Also my husband is friends with one of his ex’s and while she doesn’t live in the same province as we do, she flew in to see our baby daughter and we make a point to visit with her whenever we can. I know there is nothing sexual between her and my husband, and I trust them completly.

Exactly. Voters are overlooking the fact that both options say “I’m still friends with that person,” not to mention the fact that you’d be hard pressed to get someone to admit they’d have an affair on a internet message board.

Are these people you were ostensibly in love with and lived with, or just people you dated? Because the discussion which gave rise to this poll was about former, live-in, long term relationships, not just casual past relationships or hookups.

I wonder how many people would be comfortable with their current spouses being BFF’s with someone they were formerly married to, because that’s really the kind of 'ex" we’re talking about.

Darn, I thought I had made the poll anonymous.

When it comes to parenting by separated or divorces spouses, I have noticed (as a divorce lawyer) that the ex-spouses who are still friends do a lot better a job in parenting their children than those who are not still friends. It often really screws things up for parenting when an insecure new spouse starts messing with the relationship that the ex spouses have developed between themselves.

I don’t think you were clear enough that this discussion pertains to serious, long-term, live-in relationships, not just any ex-partners at all.

Those ex-spouses aren’t really BFF’s, though, they’ve just developed a working relationship for the sake of the kids.

And if they really are that friendly, then I’ll lay even odds they end up fucking again at least once. The comfort level, the history and the emotional bond are going to make it pretty easy.

Since I think that her current husband is pretty cool I wouldn’t go for a booty call but if he was an asshole? You bet.
Same answer if I was in a relationship except if I was married than no. If I’m seeing someone and the relationship isn’t going anywhere? You bet.

My moral compass varies with the tides. :stuck_out_tongue:

I did live with one of my ex’s and I would not sleep with him again. The ex I am good friends with, I dated for about 3 months.

All of my past relationships ended for a reason. The reason we didn’t work as a couple is still there. Why bother trying again?

The question is not whether you would sleep with an ex you were in a serious relationship with, but whether you could transition to a close, platonic friendship afterwards.

Are you still good friends with the ex you lived with?