While over at a friend’s house, my teenage son and the friend cut up a belt and made him a collar. The friend is into industrial metal; my son is into punk, and I’m sure that it was just a way to make something cool to wear.
I was into punk when I was younger, and I’m ok with the music and with studded belts and wristbands, but I’ve known people who were into BDSM, including some who had their lives screwed up by the experience. To me, wristbands=punk but a collar=slave. I didn’t want to bust my kid, but I didn’t him to get an unwanted reputation either.
So, how common are collars these days? As a parent, teenager, or whoever you are, do you think that I was too far off?
You can get cheaper ones at Soho (the everything cheap boutique) and Crash Boom Bang (risen from Zipperhead, and pretty strictly punk) in Philadelphia.
Better ones are available at Passional (formerly Fetishes) also in Philadelphia.
I think the tip off is whether there’s a place to hook a leash.
Does that tell you everything you wanted (or didn’t) to know?
BDSM folk have been bemoaning the popularity of collars as a “meaningless” punk rock fashion accessory since the dawn of punk, so I wouldn’t worry. Punk is also much more common and culturally recognized than BDSM-- as someone who’s very well steeped in kink, if I see someone wearing a collar, I always assume it’s a Hot Topic fashion accessory (especially if its accompanied by other such clothing) unless there are obvious BDSM related signals along with it.
As a retired (i.e., burned out) punker, biker, etc., yaddayadda… I hear 'ya. Subculture is very much a YMMV sort of thing, but I’ve seen enough people knocked around by their lifestyles and I guess that I’m still a little sensitive about it (By the way, he did mention Hot Topic several times today.)
The rest of the evening played out like an old episode of King of the Hill, with me as Hank and him as a rebellious Bobby. I told him that I was uncomfortable with the collar; he heard it as that I was banning the collar and so he cut it down into a wristband… which didn’t work. He got angry, we talked, I called a boutique and talked to the clerk. In the end I drove him to a store and once we were there, I offered to buy a replacement.
Insde the store, he changed his mind and bought chain wallet with a chrome Misfits skull on it. He’s going to a private Christian school and wants to take the wallet tomorrow. Oh well, I don’t think that he’s at that school anyway…
Studded collars are old hat and have been since waaaaaay before I wore them as a teenage punk. I mean, if you can buy it at the mall, it’s probably not really that crazy of a thing. Yeah, for some people they represent BDSM. But for most, it doesn’t represent anything more than old fashioned teen rebellion- and you are playing right into it by even making this an issue.
Anyway, even if he did decide to become a full on BDSM slave, his parent nixing the collar isn’t going to do jack to stop things.
I say, choose your battles and be glad you aren’t fighting about tattoos or other things that stay with you.
I was at Neo (Chicago) one night back in the day and I saw a guy dog chain his girl to a light post while he ran across the street for a pack o’ smokes. I’m pretty sure they were the only ones at the club who took the collar thing that far.
[QUOTE=even sven;10863226…you are playing right into it by even making this an issue…[/QUOTE]
Yep. Give your kid something to rebel against by reacting to this a little, and that way he won’t feel the need to rebel any harder. Excellent parenting technique!
Seriously, collars are enough of a fashion accessory now that unless your kid is wearing it 24/7, he’s probably doing it as a “punk” thing, not a BDSM thing.
And even in the punk scene these days, a studded collar reads more as “teenager who just found out about punk and got his fashion ideas from tv” than actual streetpunk accessory. I see them much more often on kids who are into industrial, goth, or even juggalo style.
Yeah, but he can be naive about some things (like we all can be), and the last few years have been pretty tough on him. I’m just out of touch and I didn’t want him to flag as a sub by mistake. If he gets laughed at for being a wannabe, then that’s between him and whoever laughs at him. All in all, he’s a good kid and he has his head on straight.
I’ve seen people wearing collars before, all teenagers who were wearing punk-style clothing. No leashes, though.
I’ve seen people leading others with a collar and leash twice. The first time was at Anime Expo last year - two girls, both dressed as Edward from Full Metal Alchemist. I forget whether blond Ed was the master and dark-haired Ed was the slave, or vice versa. (I actually took a photo, but can’t be arsed to take out my digital camera and check.) The second time was at a Burning Man-related event; I forgot who it was since everyone was dressed oddly there.
