The percentage of times that I’ve personally heard someone say they would kill themselves, and subsequently don’t kill themselves, is exactly 100%. But it must happen, right? So how often?
What? Could you try this again? I don’t understand your OP.
If “jumped off a window within a week of spouse’s death” counts, I know two cases. The people who use it as emotional blackmail, I haven’t heard of any.
Suicide statistics, overall, are easily available. Here are some numbers from a Suicide Prevention source.
But as for breakdowns by motivation? I’m not finding those. It seems intuitively obvious that failed romantic relationships would be a significant cause, along with health problems, financial problems, employment problems, the loss of a loved one, etc. I wonder if rates among high school athletes can be correlated to losses in sports championship games: if you flub the vital kick against Pancreas High, does that make you (statistically) more likely to end your own life? Do authors kill themselves (in significant measure) after they get rejection slips?
It would be interesting to see real numbers, but I don’t seem to find any indication that they are kept systematically.
Death from a broken heart is quite real. But it’s a medical condition. It has nothing to do with suicide.
Sorry, I meant this figuratively, eg. a person killing themselves due to unrequited love or a break up.
If bereavement counts, then the answer to the OP is “fairly common”. Elderly people are the group most at risk for suicide, and the association between the death of a spouse and suicide is fairly well documented. I don’t have percentages.
I doubt if one can point to only one factor in any suicide. Other factors like underlying depression, other stressors, and Heaven only knows what else are also likely to be present.
Regards,
Shodan
I know of one but there was an underlying disease (manic depression) in play as well.
I could see that. At my most suicidal, it’s been regard for my husband that has kept me alive. If I lost him and had some kind of relapse, I’m not sure what would be holding me here.
It certainly does happen (I know of one case–former grammar school classmate of mine hanged himself in the garage after things with a girl didn’t work out. He was around 16 at the time.) but I, too, am having difficulty finding stats on this. My intuition would be that this would be a relatively common proximate cause (or whatever word I’m looking for) for suicide.
I went to high school with a guy who shot himself after his girlfriend broke up with him. And he did it while he was on the phone with her. shudders But he had been hospitalized for depression previously, and had a drug problem too.
I think it’s more likely that depression is the primary driver of suicide and a breakup can trigger a pre-existing tendency for depression and impulsive, self-destructive behavior. So it may not be entirely accurate to say, ‘‘He killed himself because of a breakup.’’ He killed himself because he was depressed. That depression might have been triggered by a breakup, a death, a sudden life transition, or a loss of some other kind, but the primary cause of suicide is depression.
I’ve had two exes threaten to kill themselves if I left them. Neither followed through, though one pretended to stab himself in the hand, had bandages and everything, but it “miraculously healed” by the next time I saw him. Nope, in both cases it was just the straight up emotional abuse/manipulation thing.
I was on an ambulance ride with a guy who had impulsively taken a bottle of Tylenol as a ploy to win his girlfriend back after she dumped him. He called and told her what he’d done; she didn’t believe him and said they weren’t getting back together. He went to bed to sleep it off (HUGE mistake). Stomach pains started the next day; he called the ambulance to take him to the hospital, and was playing it off as “they’ll just pump my stomach and it’ll be all right, though I guess they’ll make me talk to a shrink.” Everyone on the ambulance knew better. Dead four days later.
This would be my take. A break-up, rejection, or bereavement may be the catalyst, in my estimation it’s probably one of the most common ones, but that alone isn’t going to lead to suicide. There’s almost certainly some kind of underlying mental illness, possibly undiagnosed, underneath that’s triggered by that.
That said, also like the OP, I’ve never personally known anyone who says something along the lines of “I’m going to kill myself if you leave me” who followed through. Those people have tended to be manipulative and/or abusive. I’m sure there’s some out there, but probably not a whole lot. Again, anecdotally, I’d suspect those most likely to be self-destructive aren’t just going to state it outright like that. I’d love to see statistics on that sort of thing, but I’m not even sure how they’d be gathered. How do you get statistics on people making those kinds of threats and not following through?
It would be great if we didn’t view suicidal ideation as a ‘‘threat’’ because those people are often quite serious about their intent. They want to die and they don’t know how to deal with it. As for openly talking about suicide, statistically, people who talk about it are more likely to follow through. The idea that those who are the most serious about suicide don’t discuss it is a myth. Also, the more attempts someone has, the more likely they are to be successful in the future.
Someone who makes the statement ‘if you do X, I’ll kill myself’ is making a threat of suicide, it’s not inaccurate to call it such. There are definitely people who use threats or talk of suicide as a manipulation tactic, whether they’re serious about the intent or not. It is something that is very much not OK to do to someone in any case.
The nice thing is that you can cut past any confusion about whether they’re serious or not and whether they’re trying to manipulate you or not very quickly. If you make a simple policy that you will call 911 and report anyone who says they’re planning to kill themself to you, you win either way. If they were serious about it, then they will get treated fast. And if they weren’t, they get to deal with EMTs and cops and possibly a visit to a psych ward, which is not a lot of fun.
I saw this play out with a former roommate back in the 90s. She made some big dramatic ‘if we’re done I have nothing to live for, you’ll be sorry’ threat to her ex-BF, and (from what she said when she got home) thought she was just getting back at him for breaking up with her by making him feel bad. But he took it seriously, and about an hour later the cops showed up and did a crisis intervention. She managed to convince them that her BF had ‘misinterpreted’ her, but it took about two hours of telling the cops she was OK and refusing to go to a doctor. She didn’t try anything like that again in the few months before I moved on.
I guess it depends on the person in question. In my view, predicating your behavior on someone else’s is unacceptable, that is, it’s wrong to say, ‘‘If you do Y, I will kill myself.’’
In my case, I have never made such a statement, but I am periodically suicidal. The last time was in April of this year. The earliest age I can remember serious suicidal ideation is age 14. I had talked to no one about it. I had the pills lined up on the counter ready to go, and then through some weird stroke of luck, my Aunt called. I didn’t tell her what i was up to, but just talking to her made me feel better. IME people who are suicidal are generally desperate for any reason not to kill themselves. Give them any viable alternative and it can ease the pain. It’s a temporary state highly dependent on external triggers and social support can mean everything in the world.
There are only a handful of people I feel comfortable talking about my suicidality with… comfortable’s not even the right word. Willing is a better word. I feel terrible about burdening people in those moments, and they usually find out in the aftermath rather than in those moments, 'i.e. ‘‘I felt suicidal earlier today’’ or ‘‘I’ve been feeling suicidal this week.’’ I’ve always been proactive about addressing those thoughts both with my husband and my therapist. Sometimes it was necessary to develop a safety plan and other times it just helped to get it off my chest. There are various levels of suicidality, ranging from, ‘‘I wouldn’t mind if I got hit by a bus right now’’ (generally not considered high-risk) to ‘‘I have a specific plan for killing myself and have been planning it out for weeks.’’ (extremely high risk.) For the loved ones of a depressed person to understand these nuances, and understand when emergency intervention is appropriate, is critical.
The one time I was ever hospitalized for suicidal ideation, I had planned to hang myself in my dorm room with my bedsheet. I came so close to doing that, it freaked me the fuck out and I went rather hysterically to a walk-in therapist at my counseling center, who then made the judgment to call the police (not 911) and have them escort me to the hospital. I’m pretty sure the clincher for her was, when I told her I wanted to hang myself, she described how painful the process of hanging oneself can be, and I said, ‘‘That’s nothing compared to the pain I am in now.’’ I never want to be hospitalized again, and have gone to great lengths to avoid it ever since.
Knowing when is the appropriate time for emergency intervention depends on understanding the nuances of suicidal ideation and how those risk levels vary. There are plenty of resourcesout there for loved ones who want to help a person at risk of suicide. Usually appropriate intervention in the earlier stages can altogether prevent getting to that point of crisis and emergency.
After talking some of this over with a friend, I just wanted to make it clear there are absolutely times when calling 911 is appropriate. This link breaks it down.
I would say that Blaster Master, Pantastic, you and I actually agree. There is a huge difference between someone who’s feeling so crapped up they’re thinking suicide might be the only workable way out of the pain and someone who is making others responsible for their happiness. When the first ones mention suicide, it’s serious; when the second ones do, it’s “if you don’t buy me that toy I’ll… I’ll… I’ll hold my breath til I turn BLUE!”
Sometimes my relatives and I will do for each other the kind of favor that’s a very small thing for the doer and a much bigger one for the receiver, and this one will say “I don’t know what would I do without you!” That’s healthy; “I wouldn’t be able to live without you”… is not.