Sampiro
February 22, 2008, 12:56am
1
What are your votes for “anybody who buys this needs to go in a database for immediate sterilization” products?
I’ll lead with one that, I warn, is going to be pretty hard to beat:
Peter Popoff’s Miracle Manna Loaf
Popoff is best known as the televangelist exposed in the 80s for using the wireless transmitter that fed him info on audience members (a trick used in the movies Fletch Lives and Leap of Faith as well). Now he’ll send you, free for money, a piece of “manna” that will bring you prosperity (cause after all, the whole point of Christianity is to buy magic stuff). It appears to be a piece of unleavened bread, though as I recall manna was probably bug droppings.
Anyway, this commercial has been on long enough that obviously he’s selling some, and I want these people sterilized before they breed.
What are your products?
Anyone who buys V1@gr@ or C1@li5 needs to be sterlized at once.
Every time I see the ads for the goddamned reflexology “detox” footpads I get terribly stabby. It’s like a whole bunch of stupid in one convenient package!
Yllaria
February 22, 2008, 1:34am
4
They’re slightly less gross than the detoxifying ear candles.
An_Arky
February 22, 2008, 1:37am
5
Really, even guys with ED caused by a medical condition?
Sparklo
February 22, 2008, 1:44am
6
I think cmkeller is talking about people who buy medicine (or whatever they actually get) based on spam emails.
Ruby
February 22, 2008, 1:50am
7
hmpf. Beat me to the punch. I have wondered, though, if they worked on people who actually wash their feet first.
Anyone who buys magic beans that promise to help you lose weight “without diet or exercise!” needs to at the very minimum be sentenced to science/nutrition classes. The only ones who need to be sterilized buy the ones who also say “if we can say it on TV, it has to be true.” That’s lost-cause level of stupidity right there.
Those “ionizing” bracelets.
People who buy “white” or “HID” headlight or foglight bulbs.
Anyone who buys ANYTHING from an automated phone call.
Anyone who buys The Star, The Globe or the National Enquirer.
Hey, wait a minute!
Oh. You mean the tabloids, not the respected Canadian newspapers.
2nd_Law
February 22, 2008, 5:02am
14
Check out the “links” page on that site. Right now it looks like it’s been hacked.
The clever little clock . [
Machina Dynamica’s Clever Little Clock is an exceptionally powerful audio accessory based on concepts and techniques originally developed by PWB Electronics, England. Machina Dynamica produces the Clever Little Clock with the kind permission of PWB Electronics.
The Clever Little Clock is a small, battery-powered travel alarm clock that has been extensively modified using a number of highly-specialized techniques. The Clever Little Clock does not plug into the wall and has no direct or indirect influence on the “audio signal” per se – not on house wiring, audio components, cables, interconnects, power cords or acoustic waves in the room. Yet the Clock has a pronounced affect on the sound heard by listeners in the room. In addition, any video systems in the house will be improved - the picture will be clearer, with better contrast and color saturation.
Place the clock anywhere in the listening room. The sound will be considerably more musical and live-sounding – there will be less distortion, more information and a deeper, more coherent soundstage. Low frequencies will be articulate, extended and dynamic, high frequencies exceptionally smooth with phenomenal inner detail. In other words, More of Everything. While the clock can be placed anywhere in the listening room with good results, the best locations for the Clever Little Clock just might be near the boundaries of the building – for example, on a window sill or shelf of an exterior wall. If the listening room doesn’t have an exterior wall, the clock can be placed on an exterior wall in another room. The Clever Little Clock can provide a remarkable improvement to the sound, one or more additional clocks in the room will further improve the sound.
The Clever Little Clock is pre-set by Machina Dynamica and should NOT be re-set or adjusted. Machina Dynamica reserves the right to use more than one brand/model to produce Clever Little Clocks, so don’t be alarmed if the Clock you receive is not the exact one in the photo. All versions of the Clever Little Clock are sonically equivalent.
](Audio Accessories, Room Acoustics, Audio Clock )
You’re bleeping kidding me. They practically say ‘we’re going to send you random cheap clock. And don’t bother investigating it or questioning us.’
And unfortunately I can’t say it lowers my opinion of people at all.
Name a Star After Somone
To me, nothing says, “I’m a moronic imbecile operating on three and a half brain cells. Oh, and all my money should be taken from me” quite like this.
Their fucking radio ads are killin’ me…
Oh, Machina Dynamica gets even better. The clock doesn’t do justice to their bottomless well of chutzpah. Take a look at their “Long-Distance Audio System Upgrade ”.
The Teleportation Tweak is the phenomenal new product from Machina Dynamica. The Teleportation Tweak is an advanced telecommunications technique discovered and developed by Machina Dynamica for upgrading audio systems remotely – even over very long distances. Machina Dynamica routinely performs the Teleportation Tweak for distances of 1000-4000 miles and has recently performed the Teleportation Tweak for a distance of 10,000 miles.
The Teleportation Tweak has a profound effect on the sound - clearer, more information, greater frequency extension and more realistic-sounding - and is performed during a phone call to Machina Dynamica. The phone call to Machina Dynamica can be made via landline phone (including cordless phone) or cell phone from any room in the house. The Teleportation Tweak will sound to the listener like a series of mechanical pulses. The tweak itself takes about 30 seconds. Further benefits are obtained by performing the Teleportation Tweak for ANY or ALL additional phones in the house.
Remarkably, the Teleportation Tweak is independent of distance and signal transmission medium and will work anywhere in the world. The “signals” transmitted over the phone remain robust even over great distances. It is not necessary for the system to be ON at the time of the telephone call; however, if A/B comparison of the Teleportation Tweak before and after the call is desired, the customer’s audio system should be turned ON and warmed up prior to the call; the customer can thus evaluate favorite tracks before and after the Teleportation Tweak is performed.
The effects of the Teleportation Tweak are instantaneous and the improvement to sound quality will be audible immediately. The Teleportation Tweak excels in 3-dimensionality, lushness, inner detail and air. Bonus: The picture quality of any video system in the house will also be improved - better color and contrast! Customer should pay via Paypal or check/MO (payable to Geoff Kait) prior to calling Machina Dynamica via landline or cell phone. Machina Dynamica’s Teleportation Tweak $60.
You’d think this was satire. Nobody would be this stupid, right? Well, these guys are a regular at industry trade shows where booth space is quite expensive. Clearly, someone’s buying.
Continuing the theme of audio equipment, which will doubtless provide a rich vein for this thread :-
http://www.pearcable.com/sub_products_anjou_sc.htm
$7250 for a pair of speaker cables.
http://www.marigoaudio.com/vtstuningdots.htm
Black dots you stick on your windows or speakers, starting at a mere $29 dollars.Apparently, from another site,you should start with woofer cones (where the dots remove a slight upper bass chestiness).
Great Scott! It’s the Electronic Placebo Effect!
