How dare you tell me to Fuck Off

The BBQ Pit
21

Fair enough, Brown Eyed Girl. And I apologize for taking you to task as well.
:slight_smile:
I think the system is effed up. There should be no phone haranguing(on either side) because the need for it shouldn’t exist (ie, moneys should be paid w/o question), but that’s really naive and silly of me.

The whole irony thing: it’s usually when you’re working that you have enough funds to cover expenses. Except this case sounds like he might be one of the working poor, in which his unemployment does provide more stable income than a job for him. I just found that ironic–and enraging.

22

[QUOTE=featherlou]
I’d happily eat Kraft Dinner every night with a smile on my face if I never had to talk to someone that worthless again. Your mileage may vary, of course.
[/QUOTE]

You’re missing the point. The child support payment isn’t for you. The kiddywinks probably wouldn’t mind Kraft Dinner either, but it is for their upkeep, not yours.

23

[QUOTE=SomeUserName]
Let the state chase your ass and let them take every single tax refund they can, which of course won’t mean dick next year since you are not reporting your income.
[/QUOTE]

You know, I bet there’s some state agency that would like to know about this.

24

[QUOTE=SomeUserName]
Because child support will not contact him once a month asking where his payment is. They only contact him after he is in the arrears for quite a while. They will do things like take his tax refund but that is a once a year thing and this is the first year they have ever taken it despite him being behind before.
[/quote]

They should be mailing him monthly “bills” as a reminder of his child support. Is his address current? I would recommend you get in touch with your CSEA worker and be sure they have as much up-to-date information on him as you can provide. Do they have his employer’s mailing address? If they do, they can send a notice to his employer to withhold the support from his paycheck. If they don’t comply, they could be in a world of legal trouble themselves. Just realize that this could get him let go thereby making it more difficult to collect the support, but it may encourage him to get his shit together.

See above. I think you ought to consider this. CSEA is pretty on top of things when it comes to notifying employers.

Yup, that’s exactly what will happen. I assumed (wrongly) that he didn’t even have one at this point. Are you sure it hasn’t already been revoked? You can check online. If it has and he’s still driving, well, you’ve got some leverage as to encouraging him to cooperate to avoid additional legal trouble. I’d be careful, though, about making threats to him about turning him in. Use the legal system to your advantage, if necessary.

Your other option is to file a motion of contempt in juvenile or domestic (you can call the court to find out which has jurisdiction). It’s called a Motion to Show Cause and you don’t need an attorney to file it. You will have to pay filing fees. The court may be able to provide forms (some counties do) and you’re basically asking the court to take further action based on the fact that he is in contempt of the support order. At that time, he will have to report any income and employment directly to the court. There are obvious penalties for perjury.

I am not an attorney, so don’t consider this legal advice, but it’s based more on personal experience with the system. You can find advocacy groups that will help you with these processes, however, if you can’t afford an attorney and want to pursue it outside of CSEA’s efforts.

Good luck.

25

[QUOTE=eleanorigby]
Fair enough, Brown Eyed Girl. And I apologize for taking you to task as well.
:slight_smile:
I think the system is effed up. There should be no phone haranguing(on either side) because the need for it shouldn’t exist (ie, moneys should be paid w/o question), but that’s really naive and silly of me.

The whole irony thing: it’s usually when you’re working that you have enough funds to cover expenses. Except this case sounds like he might be one of the working poor, in which his unemployment does provide more stable income than a job for him. I just found that ironic–and enraging.
[/QUOTE]

No harm, no foul. And yes, you’re right. They system is effed up and ironic at times. But isn’t that the very definition of a beaurocracy? :wink:

26

[QUOTE=MissTake]
SomeUserName: Your child support office will continue to collect on arrears after your remaining child emancipates, right? Even after emancipation, if arrears still exist, he should still be eligible for tax levies. Also, if he was eligible for the Chimp Rebate being issued now it should also be levied for arrears.
[/QUOTE]

Yes. They go after the arrears even after the child is emancipated.

At this point I have lost track on how much he owes. He said they took his entire refund of over $700. If after that he still owes more than $500 then they will grab his rebate check too. At least from what I have read.

[QUOTE=Brown Eyed Girl]
It’s not that I’m not sympathetic to the OP, I just don’t agree with her tactics.
[/QUOTE]

What tactics? Calling him one fucking time a month to ask if he is going to send me something for his child is a tactic? I wish the bill collectors that hassle me only called once a month.

I am not a fucking bill collector. I am the mother of his chidlren and he is their father. This a child support order we are talking about not some cell phone bill he forgot to pay.

And I did go about things the right way not long ago. When our son turned 18 in 2006 I decided to have the child support re-evaluated. It had not been changed in over 11 years. They changed the order that gave me more money but I am now responsible for the medical coverage. I liked it that way better. I no longer had to chase him down to get the payments for that. I had it through my work, it was cheaper, and then he would pay me once a month, if he paid. Most of the time he would wait until I called to complain and he was working a full time job then.

It took six fucking months from the time I started the evaluation until I got the first new payment. He lost his job a week later. Then I got nothing until his unemployment kicked in. For some weird reason I got more than the order, I think like 13 dollars more, but I think it is because he listed our daughter as a dependent so he got more money which made the support precentage higher.

That ran out in November of 2007. I have gotten a whole $200 from him since then. I have called him three times. The first two he sent me money then the third time I was told to fuck off. I hardly think that is badgering the man.

As I said. I am no longer going to call but I am also not going to put up with any more bullshit from him. He can fuck off for all I care at this point.

[QUOTE=Zebra]
So how much are you getting from the tax refund?
[/QUOTE]

Over $700. I don’t know the exact number as he screamed “They took my refund of over $700 for support so fuck off.”

[QUOTE=Brown Eyed Girl]
What are his tactics really? Paying rent, buying food, buying a big screen TV? I didn’t see the OP mention what is the actual income he’s earning. I don’t disagree that he has a responsibility to pay, just that she also has a responsibility to work within the system. They both have to toe the line.
[/QUOTE]

Buying comic books, DVDs and action figures. I know his user name on ebay and his last purchase a week ago was season 1-7 of Buffy the vampire for $91.00.

Food and rent must not be his main priority. Everytime the man talks he has no money but he can buy crap like that. If he can buy Buffy he can make a child support payment!

How have I not toed the line? I do not see it anywhere listed that I can not contact him to request child support when he fails to pay it!

[QUOTE=featherlou]
At the risk of getting totally flamed here, at this point, I would consider being rid of that loser worth more than a couple of hundred dollars a month until October. Yeah, he’s supposed to pay the court mandated child support, but I have a feeling I’d happily eat Kraft Dinner every night with a smile on my face if I never had to talk to someone that worthless again. Your mileage may vary, of course.
[/QUOTE]

This is what I plan to do. That is why I said I am done with him.

Unless there is some type of major emergency that warrants me to contact him I am finished.

[QUOTE=tdn]
SomeUserName, I sympathize and I truly hope that things work out for you. He was wrong to tell you to fuck off. However,
Besides your daughter turning 18, what will change for you? What fewer expenses will you have then that you have now? When she turns 18, will she stop eating or wearing clothes? Will she drop out of school, move out, and get a job? Or will life pretty much continue on as normal?

You say, in so many words, that you will finally be happy when you no longer are receiving that money. Well, you’re not receiving it now. Why delay your happiness? Stop dealing with the deadbeat now, and be happy now.

According to my calendar, today is October 21st. Tell your daughter happy birthday. :slight_smile:
[/QUOTE]

It is not just the money. I feel, no wait, I felt I needed to keep things civil for the sake of the children. I have let him get away with so much crap over the years just to keep the peace.

In some ways I feel I still need to do that. So I am no longer going to contact him about the child support payments as it will just start another arguement. I guess I did not make that clear in my OP.

I have 175 days and then I no longer have to speak with him if I don’t want to. I can tell him to fuck off fo the rest of his life and to never contact me again if I want.

I will sit back and let the state do what they are suppose to do to make sure I get the payments eventually.

It just really pisses me off that I have put up with so much only be told 17 years later to fuck off and all over me requesting a child support payment for our daughter.

27

Of course you’re pissed. But you know what…he can’t hurt you anymore. This money situation, while frustrating, is not fatal.

Let it go. Yes, he’s an ass. Yes, he has no right to be rude to you. But he no longer deserves to live under your skin.

175 days and counting.

28

[QUOTE=SomeUserName]
Buying comic books, DVDs and action figures. I know his user name on ebay and his last purchase a week ago was season 1-7 of Buffy the vampire for $91.00.

Food and rent must not be his main priority. Everytime the man talks he has no money but he can buy crap like that. If he can buy Buffy he can make a child support payment!

[/QUOTE]

I’m only going to say one thing. Tell the court. If you feel and have information to prove that he is earning money that should be going towards child support, then force him to account for himself by hauling him back into court.

ETA: Now, do you understand what I mean about toeing the line (using someone else’s terminology)? You utilize the legal means available to advocate for your children.

29

[QUOTE=Brown Eyed Girl]
They should be mailing him monthly “bills” as a reminder of his child support. Is his address current?
[/quote]

Well I guess he is ignoring them. I wonder if he ever told them to fuck off?

His address is current. He lives in the same house we lived in when we were married.

The case worker has all the current information from when the order was changed in April of 2007.

I don’t know the mailing address but I know where is it. He is working part time in a comic book store that he bought books in once a week. I guess he became friends with the owner as a customer and he gave him a part time job after his unemployment ran out.

I am sure a large chunk of his paycheck goes to comic books.

[QUOTE=Brown Eyed Girl]
Are you sure it hasn’t already been revoked? You can check online. If it has and he’s still driving, well, you’ve got some leverage as to encouraging him to cooperate to avoid additional legal trouble. I’d be careful, though, about making threats to him about turning him in. Use the legal system to your advantage, if necessary.

Your other option is to file a motion of contempt in juvenile or domestic (you can call the court to find out which has jurisdiction). It’s called a Motion to Show Cause and you don’t need an attorney to file it. You will have to pay filing fees. The court may be able to provide forms (some counties do) and you’re basically asking the court to take further action based on the fact that he is in contempt of the support order. At that time, he will have to report any income and employment directly to the court. There are obvious penalties for perjury.

I am not an attorney, so don’t consider this legal advice, but it’s based more on personal experience with the system. You can find advocacy groups that will help you with these processes, however, if you can’t afford an attorney and want to pursue it outside of CSEA’s efforts.

Good luck.
[/QUOTE]

He still has his license as far as I know. He still drives but we all know that does not really mean squat.

The thing is I could call and I could complain and I could sick the law on him if I wanted to try and take it that far.

All I wanted was the $100 child support like I got in February and March. I know that child support is most likely sending him letters that I am sure are piling up in the corner unopened.

I have been overly nice and I have put up with a lot in the 17 years we have been divorced. I in no way hounded the man until he boiled over with a hardy fuck off.

All he did was show more of his true colors that I have been avoided seeing. He just does not care now and never has. I am sure he would not have minded if I would have just disappeared and he never saw me or his children again. The fact is that they have stayed in his life. He was forced to support them and the fact that they took “his” money angered him enough to take it out on me.

30

[QUOTE=SomeUserName]
In some ways I feel I still need to do that. So I am no longer going to contact him about the child support payments as it will just start another arguement. I guess I did not make that clear in my OP.

I have 175 days and then I no longer have to speak with him if I don’t want to. I can tell him to fuck off fo the rest of his life and to never contact me again if I want.
[/QUOTE]

I guess I’m missing something. If you’re letting the payments go, why do you have to speak to him anymore now? Is there a visitation thing going on? Even if there is, your kids are old enough to get to see him without your help. And if there is no reason to speak to him now, then the 175 day thing becomes totally irrelevant. You are free of him already. There is no reason to hold onto anger. Be happy you’re free.

Now, I’m not saying you don’t have a right to feel anger. You absolutely do, and if you need to vent, we have a little forum for that here. Go right ahead. But once it’s out of your system, let it go. You’re already where you need to be, your emotions just need to catch up.

31

Question for those of you “in the know” about child support…

How does someone, a government agency or private citizen, keep up with deadbeat parents who keep changing jobs?

Say if SUN calls out the ex at his present job, and they decide to fire him instead of make him “legal” … then what? Would a state agency be able to track him to his next job? Would they bother or are they way too busy for that?

Seems like the parents who are not getting the payments would have a hard time feeling secure that they’d be getting their money if they just never spoke to the deadbeat again. If she keeps up with him, at least she knows where he is.

32

[QUOTE=ZipperJJ]
Question for those of you “in the know” about child support…

How does someone, a government agency or private citizen, keep up with deadbeat parents who keep changing jobs?
[/quote]

Well, I would imagine it’s different depending on who’s looking. A government agency probably has a lot more tools at their disposal to find someone than a private citizen does, if you consider privacy laws. For instance, a private citizen can’t exactly access certain information, such as credit reports, that a government agency can. However, private investigators track people down all the time because they generally have more resources than individuals do.

Of course, tracking people down takes a lot of resources and there is only so much a government agency has the means to do. That’s why cooperating with the agencies by providing information that may not have is useful. An individual can choose to remain in contact to have access to the information, but they aren’t legally obligated to, nor are they necessarily insulated from legal ramifications of that contact (in the event, the payee filed charges of harassment or stalking). Likewise, you could hire a private investigator who is better acquainted with the legal means of obtaining information, but that costs money. Suffice it to say, it would be difficult and require personal sacrifice to try to stay under the radar if interested parties were looking actively for you.

It depends. If he’s paid under the table, there’s not much they can do. If he’s paid legally, they simply cross-reference with tax authorities to verify employment. Taxes come out of your paycheck, so the government already has information on you and tracking you down via your employer becomes a lot easier. And they do use that, although as with any beaurocracy, it can take time for the process of automatic deduction to happen.

True, but then she’ll just have to deal with him cursing her out on the phone, I guess. Or find some other less confrontational way to keep tabs on him.

33

[QUOTE=tdn]
I guess I’m missing something. If you’re letting the payments go, why do you have to speak to him anymore now? Is there a visitation thing going on? Even if there is, your kids are old enough to get to see him without your help. And if there is no reason to speak to him now, then the 175 day thing becomes totally irrelevant. You are free of him already. There is no reason to hold onto anger. Be happy you’re free.

Now, I’m not saying you don’t have a right to feel anger. You absolutely do, and if you need to vent, we have a little forum for that here. Go right ahead. But once it’s out of your system, let it go. You’re already where you need to be, your emotions just need to catch up.
[/QUOTE]

I don’t have to speak with him anymore as I am not going to call him about any more payments.

I guess the 175 day thing is sort of irrelevant but at the same time I feel obligated if he should call that I should speak with him. I won’t feel obligated after 175 days.

There is visitation but they have not followed the every other weekend schedule for a long time. My daughter calls him about once a month and she goes over to his house for a day or two or sometimes they just get together for lunch. She usually initates all contact.

I was planning on inviting him to his daughters 18th birthday party. I have always tried to include him in those types of things but more for the kids sake. They wanted to see their dad and spend that special day with him there. He has never ever had any type of little birthday party for them on his own. He just hands them an envelope with $50 and that is the only effort he makes. He did not attend his sons 18th birthday. He said he was going to be busy cleaning his house.

This year though that is going to change. I think I will set aside some of that back support moola and take her out to eat at a very nice resturant. :slight_smile:

Hell it may take until October to see that money anyway.

34

What about taking him back to court? Is that a possibilty?

35

[QUOTE=ivylass]
What about taking him back to court? Is that a possibilty?
[/QUOTE]

I suppose it is but with only 6 more months until our daughter is 18 I doubt it would due any good.

When I requested the support be re-evaluated in 2006 it took six months before the new order was actually put in place.

I can not imagine a court date being any faster.

At this point I am just angry and upset and venting my frustrations.

I think it may be a mute point at this time to come out firing all the guns while the last 17 years I have let him slide by on issues because I was trying not to be the bitch ex you hear so much about. I tried my best to not let his actions effect me or our kids but this one put me over the edge. I can’t and won’t ignore this one.

I really only wanted things to be fair and although I spent more time and effort in raising our children then he ever has I get that reward now because I have two wonderful kids. :slight_smile:

36

[QUOTE=SomeUserName]
I can not imagine a court date being any faster.
[/QUOTE]

You could be wrong, but you’ll never know unless you file. Besides, until he’s completely paid his arrearage and is no longer accruing support obligation, it doesn’t matter how old the children are. The support obligation must still be fulfilled and if he’s not paying, he’s still in contempt of court.

ETA: I just filed a motion in my case a week ago and was granted a hearing in May, roughly a month after my papers were filed. The courts tend to work a little faster than the agency does.

37

I forgot to mention that as long as your children are full-time students, child support may be continued after they’ve turned 18.

38

[QUOTE=SomeUserName]
I get that reward now because I have two wonderful kids. :slight_smile:
[/QUOTE]

I always said my father won in the divorce…he and my mother divorced when my sister and I were old enough to be out of the house, and although he went into debt to pay her the settlement…he got the grandkids.

So from what **Brown Eyed ** Girl says, the timer doesn’t go DING on your daughter’s 18th birthday. It may be worth it to take him back to court…I don’t think judges like it much when their orders are ignored.

39

[QUOTE=MissTake]
Much easier said than done. My caseload is entirely non-paying people and well over half are “self-employed”/under the table wage earners. No state, especially with the funding cuts from the Feds, are able to do a heck of a lot right now.
[/QUOTE]

I see you’re in MN, where I live. I used to pick up HCFC when I worked Armored, and one of the bright spots of that was seeing these idiots who weren’t making their CS payments come in howling about how their driver’s license had been suspended due to their non-payment status.

What does it take to get that done? I kinda figured it was automatic.

40

You could give him custody of your daughter and then pay him to support her. Since he’s so flat busted he could probably use the help.