In Sunday school chasing the teacher with a butter knife after he revealed that, while he wasn’t a Roman, he had friends who were. I was a zealot so I had to get him.
It was a rather unusual Sunday School.
Doze off
Replay tv or movie scenes
Think of something funny then struggle not to laugh
After communion I would see how long I could keep from swallowing the wine
I actually listen to the homilies. During boring parts, scour the pews for hot girls. Once in a great while, there’d be a hottie in front of me and once in a VERY great while, she’d be wearing a short skirt. If so- problem solved. If not, read the bulletin, look at the artwork, try to think of songs I could sing to myself in my head, go through the hymnal and look for crap songs to laugh at.
I used to get dragged to church when I was a kid (Baptist, and then later Foursquare after my dad quit going and my mom changed denominations). I did a lot of daydreaming, doodling, and reading the hymnal. Mostly daydreaming.
My spouse’s family is religious–he goes to church every Sunday and I don’t, but once a year we go to this special get-together that has a church service followed by a really good catered lunch at a winery. So I daydream my way through the service and sit on the far end near the window so I can surreptitiously read Kindle books on my smartphone during the sermon. I also work out plots for whatever stories/books I’m currently working on.
Not church but Sunday school…my best friend (who is totally completely, & utterly mechanically inept) got a brand new, super-duper Casio digital watch.
As I’m bored sitting in class, I ask to check it out his new watch. I’m amazed by it’s sleek modern design, coupled with four buttons, one at each corner. In scrolling thru the functions, I discover to my sheer amazement, that in addition to the standard timekeeping function it has a 1/100 stopwatch, & possibly a countdown timer &/or a second time zone, this modern marvel has four, count 'em, four alarms! This causes me to deeply ponder why one would need four, count 'em, four alarms. Failing to come up with a good answer, nee any answer, I then contemplate what could one even do with four count 'em, four alarms. Obviously I was sitting in the right building, because, through what I’m convinced is divine intervention, I come up with the answer! I set an alarm for 10 minutes hence to see if I can quickly learn this oh-so-important lesson. Learning how to do this took maybe five seconds & another 10 seconds to actually set it. Unsure that I’ve learned a new skill, I had better try it again; this time for 11 minutes later. At this point, I’m pretty sure that I’ve mastered this skill, but to be sure, I should probably set one more alarm, this time for 12 minutes in the future. Oh yeah, I’ve definitely got the hang of this, it’s a piece of cake. Hmmm, I am filled with glee at this wonderful new skill I have just mastered; however, I don’t know when I’ll get to use it again as I don’t have a Casio digital watch. Perhaps I should do one more repetition to commit this skill deep into my brain in case I should be lucky enough to get a spiffy new Casio watch. How about, say, 13 minutes in the future???
Having fully checked out this modern wrist-computer, I return it to it’s rightful owner, remembering that very important one of the Ten Commandments about not coveting. 10 minutes later, while strapped to his wrist, it starts emitting a beep, disrupting the class for which he does not know how to silence.
Me, I was only able to glean the knowledge on how to set them, & he isn’t carrying the manual with him to look up this oh-so-important skill. (Remember, there are only four buttons, it’s probably a press of one of them, possibly a combination of two of them; but which one? {Cue dramatic ♪ dun dun dun ♫}) When one has no mechanical ability whatsoever, one might not even think to press one of the four buttons at random.
After a full 30 seconds of disruption we are again in a silent room as the teacher resumes the day’s lesson when 30 seconds later the watch again starts beeping incessantly. My neighbor glares at me & asks me what I have done. I am mostly truthful when I profess innocence as I really & truly don’t know which of the four buttons will silence the alarm, though it’s probably not the “mode” button, which gives me a 1:3 shot of getting it right on the first press. Actually make that a 2:3 chance given I have opposable thumbs which modern primates are lucky enough to possess.) Thankfully, the alarm again silences itself after it’s 30 second cycle but the teacher cannot yet resume imparting knowledge to us as there are still guffaws, snorts, & chuckles in the room which finally die out after about 20 seconds.
Can you imagine what happens just 10 seconds after he once again resumes?
I for one am shocked! Why this watch may really & truly have the four alarms that it states it has, printed right there on the face in tiny block letters. It’s simply amazing!!!
At this point the teacher storms out of the room to go get the principal, which was a good thing, as he wasn’t in the room 50 seconds hence to see another student literally fall on the floor laughing when the modern marvel starts chirping yet again. That’s right, he leaned the wrong way in the all-in-one chair/desk combo that are found in school rooms everywhere. The few students who had managed to maintain their composure lost it at this event.
The best part was that Mr. Electronically Challenged got tossed from class & I didn’t get into any trouble nor was any of the teacher’s anger directed at me because the teacher just couldn’t fathom the story that I know how to work his watch, which was strapped to *his *wrist but he didn’t. 