I was married in the UK by a registrar who is a licensed government employee allowed to conduct marriages. The location was the gardens of a small country hotel and my wife and I got to write our own ‘service’ with some guidelines and notes on the legal requirements. It is stipulated you aren’t allowed any religious trappings doing it this way (no hymns or religious readings) not sure how they police that but not an issue for us as we are both atheists.
In Spain and if at least one of them belongs to a religion (even nominally), they may have a religious ceremony. If the religious organization’s officers are authorized to file civil marriage paperwork, the new spouses can have the officer do it for them or can opt out, in which case the marriage is invisible to the government. If the organization’s officers are not authorized to file and the couple wishes to have a civil marriage as well as the religious one, they need to have a civil wedding as well.
Those who are more serious about getting married than about having a pretty ceremony opt for a civil wedding, which results in a civil marriage. This is also the case for many people who don’t self-identify as atheists but who think that their occasional attacks of religiosity don’t justify a religious ceremony, or for couples where the religious spouse would rather not make their better half go through what this other half considers a “dog and pony show”.
Civil weddings can go from “five minutes, five people, three certificates and a booklet” to about half an hour in a full hall; most judges and city councilors frown on attempts to turn one into a copy of an RCC wedding, whereas others tackle such a request with glee (generally the same ones who perform “civil baptisms” and “civil first communions”). In my aunt’s second wedding, the ceremony was shorter than the time required to seat the 20-or-so guests.
My two atheist weddings were outside. The first was on an NYC hotel rooftop by a judge, with a reading from Shakespeare; the whole thing took 10 minutes.
The second was on the porch of my grandparents’ home. I was the third member of my family to be married there under the maples; both my mother and aunt had secular marriage ceremonies there decades ago.
That wedding was officiated by a Presbyterian minister who was a very good friend of my grandmother’s. We wrote our own vows, there was singing rather than “readings” (“One Love, One Lifetime” from Phantom of the Opera), we drank from a marriage goblet, and the sun smiled down on us at just the right time.
It was lovely and wonderful and utterly God-less. 
On a look-out, overlooking the coast. Quiet and private, with our own vows and a celebrant. 13 guests. No big poofy white dresses, no ‘giving away’ of the bride, no aisle, no religion, no ‘obey’.
Then down the bush trail to the beachside restaurant, where we all ate and were merry
In a castle, with a Registrar. It was lovely and entirely non-religious, just the way it should be. Marriage is a celebration of love and togetherness, not a religious ceremony, as far as I’m concerned.
Yeah I wouldn’t think it a big deal to get married in a Catholic Church.
Mrs. J. and I were married in a university chapel in a nice civil ceremony conducted by a Justice of the Peace named Leon.
True, we were and are not card-carrying atheists (just garden-variety agnostics), but the principle is the same.
In the Netherlands getting married is a civil ceremony: you can’t actually get married in church. You can add in a church blessing if you like, and if you’re religious you would probably say that that was the “getting married” part. But getting married means signing on the dotted line. After that, you can do whatever you like: church, party, go to the beach.
Atheists just skip church, so it’s a lot less of a difference than it might be in some other countries.
In the Netherlands, I don’t know anybody who got married in church. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a church wedding in the Netherlands. In the UK loads of atheists I know get married in a CofE church, probably because it’s just the default, so it’s easy.
We would have done it in a church if we went to one. It’s a whole lot cheaper. As it was, we looked at a few places that could hold our 50 guests and rented the place that was nicest. It was surprising, to me, how many non-church weddings were going on in all the venues we looked at.
Justice of the Peace did the honors. He may have mentioned God in passing, I don’t remember. Some of my relatives are quite religious and nobody said a word about not getting maried in a church. To would have been extremely tacky if they had made some kind of fuss.
I’m getting married in … 10 days… (!) in a very laid back non-religious Humanist ceremony in Scotland, where we have written our own words, structured the ceremony as we wish it to be - the main symbolic exchange of vows is sharing a drink of whisky (well, three - to past, present and future) from a quaich (a traditional two handed cup) - and have our own music playing and have generally aimed to make it as personal and quirky as we want it to be.
We haven’t even decided on the venue yet, as it will be weather dependant - the Humanist celebrant hosting the wedding is herself a ‘registered venue’ and as such we can hold it wherever we wish - on a beach, a mountain, forest or gardens - we’ll arrive a day or two before and find a suitably romantic spot that speaks to us and hold the ceremony there.
Notably though, we live in England and had to ‘elope’ to Scotland to find the flexibility of the Humanist wedding that appeals to us - it’s legally unavailable in England at present. We could have had a simple local civic offices affair, but they are very proscribed and we fancied something a little more interesting and personal.
A good friend of mine (an Ulster protestant, BTW) is getting married to a catholic girl in Dublin in a few months and they are doing the whole big church wedding thing. The weirdest part of that caper is the priest will only marry them after many hours of pre-wedding counselling and discussions on the complications of the ‘mixed marriage’ event and the procreation habits they might (must?) undertake post wedding etc… That obstructive interference preceding the wedding would dwarf, for me, any issue at all with the religious elements of the service - much harder to accept and/or keep a straight face at.
A couple of thoughts which have already been touched on.
In a lot of ways, a wedding is as much about the family and friends as it is about the couple. That said, maybe people choose to avoid the whole overblown affair route and simply get a form filled out at the courthouse. One very religious couple I know went that route so they could “live together” and then later had a big religious event celebrating their “marriage.”
Likewise, I have been to at least one low-key God-lite wedding in a back yard with the reception in the garage, and the couple were both at least moderately religious, and definitely not atheist.
As an aside, possibly slightly relevant, it’s interesting to contrast American marriage with Thai marriage.
In America, the ceremony (whether religious or civil) and the government license go together: Neither is valid without the other.
In Thailand, there are three different words for marriage, corresponding with three different events, and (with one exception*) couples can almost pick and choose which combination of the three they want.
Legal registration of marriage doesn’t depend on Buddhist ceremony, or vice versa. The third event (phook khan == “bind wrists”) has no legal or Buddhist significance, but is often considered the most important: it calls on kin and neighbors (and spirits?) to witness a marriage.
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- A Buddhist wedding will always include the phook khan ceremony. This causes a dilemma for many young couples since to delay the phook khan while cohabiting but waiting for enough money for a full wedding is to “live in sin.”
We got married at the county courthouse. Made an appointment for a Friday at 3:30 pm, and got potluck on whatever official was available, which turned out to be the Family Court Commissioner. (We’re not atheists, that’s just what worked best for us.)
If they’re Jewish, often in a Reform or Reconstructionist synagogue. Reconstructionist and Reform Judaism is tolerant of doubt, and culturally Jewish atheists generally don’t go apeshit every time they hear the word “God” mentioned.
Even a Conservative synagogue will do it if you don’t mind a traditional ceremony.
I’m a Buddhist hard agnostic, he’s an atheist. We’re getting married at the same place we’ll be having our reception (which was the company store for one of the local textile mills back in the day, which is a symbolism we’re ignoring.) My parents’ minister and my fiance’s friend the county magistrate are doing the ceremony. We’re saying all the traditional "do you"s but taking out the “God’s holy ordinance” part. Not sure why anybody would wonder how it’s done.
We were married next to the copier machine at a small town hall. A few weeks later we had the show wedding at the church of a friend because I like pipe organ music, the friend was in the bell choir there so they performed before the ceremony, and finally it was in December so it was a lot warmer having it inside than outside. Since we were already legally married the minster decided it was important that he conclude by saying, “I announce you man and wife” instead of “I pronounce you man and wife.”
The Other Shoe and I were in our jeans, in a courthouse, and the ceremony took less time than it did for us to get a word in edgewise to tell his mother that we were getting married in the first place. Also, the judge has the same name as our big opinionated cat, which makes us giggle to this day.
We both took the afternoon off work to 1) get married, and 2) go to the Texas State Fair, so my wedding cake was fried cheesecake. Which is juuuuust the way I wanted it to be. We held hands and smiled at each other throughout the pig races.
- twists wedding band on finger, smiles softly *
My wife and I got married on the 2nd floor balcony of the reception hall we chose, overlooking a lovely bit of field and woods.
Got married by a county surrogate, which in NJ counts as a judge. The county surrogate happened to also be a work friend of my wife’s father, so she was happy to do it. She let us write our vows, which we did and really avoided anything of religious content.
Amusing though, I was able to sneak in a quote from Princess Bride :). (“Mawwiage … Mawwiage is what bwings us together todaway”.) Not sure anyone caught it, but it made me happy.
Alas, my wife vetoed the Spaceballs quote.