How do I, an atheist, express sympathy to a sick religious colleage.

In My Humble Opinion
1

How awkward.

Today I spoke with a coworker I haven’t seen in a while. I didn’t really notice his absence since our offices are so far apart. But I noticed he had lost some weight.

Me: “Hi, RL. I haven’t seen you in a while. You’ve lost some weight.”

RL: (hoarse) “Yea, about 30 lbs. I’ve been sick.”

Me: (realization dawning) “Are you OK?”

RL: “I’m better. I had a heart problem.”

Me: :o “Oh, my. I hadn’t heard. No one mentioned it to me.”

RL: :dubious: “I was out 30 days.”

Me: “Well, I’m glad to see you back, and feeling better.”

RL: “Yes, thank the Lord. It’s all God’s doing. We should all thank the Good Lord for our fortunes, because otherwise, we’d be lost.”

Me: speechless. Nodding.

It was already awkward as hell, and somewhat embarrasing. No one told me RL was out ill, much less that it was a life-threatening illness. And while I knew he was a churchgoer, his sudden shift into all out religiosity left me nonplussed.

How do I – a moral, considerate person but decisively planted in the intersection between atheism and agnosticism – handle this situation in a respectful manner to the person who is clearly on the far opposite end of the spiritual spectrum?

I can’t make some expression of faith in response, and be dishonest.

And I’m not going to try to impress my beliefs on RL.

And I also don’t want to say something that appears to be just polite for the sake of being polite. I respect RL as a friend and colleague, am honestly concerned for his wellbeing, and grateful he’s recovering.

What do I say when confronted with this degree of faith that I cannot empathize with? :confused:

2

You could say “If you don’t make it, at least I know you won’t be going to a non-existent Hell…”

But seriously, I usually say something like “You have all my best wishes.”

3

It’s pretty much like you would handle anything else, such as someone who talks about how great oysters are if you can’t stand them. As a person of faith, I would find it meaningful if you would just smile and tell me how happy you are that my faith sustains me. Just like you might say that you’re glad the oyster eater enjoyed his dinner. As an agnostic/atheist, you don’t have to share RL’s belief in God to share RL’s joy in that belief.

4

I would try to mention something about the good doctors and nurses who’s dedication and professionalism helped him to survive.

It’s kind of astonishing how someone can, for example, fall down a well and have a team of professional emergency workers (who have devoted their lives to preparing for such an occasion) slave away day and night to safely dig them out then they say, “Oh thank you God! It’s a miracle I survived!”

Actually, that’s kind of irritating.

5

Perhaps you could say something like - “your faith is clearly a great comfort to you. I hope that you’ll be back to full health very soon”. Or words to that effect.

6

What Liberal said. Your own religious beliefs don’t need to come into play – your coworker was telling you about how he felt about his recovery. You should just express happiness for him and leave it at that.

7

“I’m so glad you’re feeling better” or “I’m so thankful everything turned out okay.”

I’m religious (though I probably wouldn’t say something like “it’s all the Lord’s doing” at work), but I don’t expect to hear others praise God for my recovery. Mostly, I just want to hear they’re glad I’m okay.

Likewise, if I’m not out of the woods yet, a simple “I’m thinking of you” or “I’m hoping for the best” is fine. I don’t need to hear “I’m praying for you.”

8

I think that is good too but who gave the doctors and nurses the ability in the first place to help BUGHUNTERS friend. I’d thank the rescue workers if they helped me in a bad situation but I wouldn’t dare forget to thank God who created them all in the first place…I know you don’t agree but i had to add my 2 cents worth.

9

Courtesey for courtesey, bughunter. If you think it’s inappropriate to impress your beliefs on folks, consider that your friend has already done so to you. And yet, ye need not repay this unwarranted proselytization. Depending on your relationship with the person you may be able to have an exchange like:

RL: “Yes, thank the Lord. It’s all God’s doing. We should all thank the Good Lord for our fortunes, because otherwise, we’d be lost.”
You:
a) “You’re welcome.” and wink. :wink:
b) “God’s doing? And who do you think gave you a bum ticker to begin with, eh?” raise an eyebrow and wag your finger meaningfully at your coworker :dubious:
c) “Well, I’m glad you’re feeling better.” completely ignore the (to you) irrelevant remark about the imagined supernatural force behind the healing, and convey any secular sentiments.

10

I was referring to those who thank God instead of the people who busted their asses to make a difference. It’s rather insensitive.

I’m not going to debate you on that, I just want to point out that the institutions of medical science and education teach people to save lives. There’s no point in ignoring that for the glory of God.

I’m glad to hear you have manners, but I rarely see people do that. And please don’t assume I don’t agree with you, I never said a person couldn’t or shouldn’t thank God if they feel like it. I just think it’s rude to shift all gratitude away from the doctors and nurses as if they are merely tools.

11

I had to put up with years (well, 2) of listening to the views and opinions of a man who was my opposite in every way. Because he was the type of man who would go insane if he thought your opinion deviated from his in the slightest I could never argue with him, just had to nod and muble agreement to everything.

Thank og he left a few months ago. he was my supervisor, born manx (a Native of the Isle of Man) right-wing. racist (with an asian wife, surprisingly common that), stupid, illiterate, short tempered, stupid, eyes too close together, couldn’t be in the same room with him without feeling constantly uncomfortable. did I mention that he was stupid?
Just be glad you hardly see this guy. I am not comparing religiousness with all that stuff I said about this guy, my point is I had to do the nodding and fein agreement with a guy who’s fundemental opinions were opposite to mine.

12

I guess we aren’t so opposite…Thank the people and then thank the Lord who made them.

13

The same way you express sympathy to a sick nonreligious colleage.