I guess this could be GQ, but it’s not very factual. Here’s the sitch: I’ve agreed to go with a couple of friends from work to a big vampire masquerade ball. (BTW, this is not a hypothetical question with real vampires; it’s a real question with what I assume will be pretend vampires.) I’m a guy and they’re girls, but this is not a date.
I don’t anticipate knowing very many people at this thing, and I know the girls are going to want to run around and flirt and carry on, so I’ll probably be on my own for a good part of the night. How can I avoid being a wallflower? While I’m funny and relaxed (maybe even obnoxious) with friends, I tend to clam up and get socially anxious around strangers.
While I’m looking for answers for this particular party, which happens to have a vampire theme, the truth is I have the same problem at any party. I have a hard time approaching people I don’t know; I can’t think of anything to say to them or ask them, and I certainly don’t want to bore them with the details of my own life.
I need a plan, or a schtick, or something. Any ideas?
(PS: I don’t drink, btw. I used to; it’s a long story and I bet you can guess the general thrust of it.)
Well at least you’ll have an obvious line for this one; if somebody offers you an alcoholic beverage, you can just reply “I never drink…[name of alcoholic beverage]” in your best Bela Lugosi accent.
Can you ask to bring a guy friend who will hang out with you once the girls leave you to mingle? What is a vampire party anyway? Is it at a home or a nightclub? Are you going to be dressed up? I find it easier to talk to strangers when I am in a costume.
What type of crowd will be attending and what area is it in?
Are you driving your own vehicle?
Are there any more details on this event? (online flier or something)
Take some kind of a funny prop that people will ask you about. That will get you mixing. It’s a vampire party? Take a big bottle of Bloody Mary mix and wave it around. Wear a wreath of garlic around your neck and when people ask, tell them you’re building up an immunity.
Make/buy a very elaborate costume. Make a big effort. If people like it, they’ll talk to you about it. Trust me, I’m a student and fancy dress parties are one of the staples of university life in the UK. You get way more attention when you stand out to people.
If you cross dress as well, that’s double the attention. People will get this opinion that you’re a fun, easy going guy and come over to talk to you.
Maybe not a sensible suggestion, but if you don’t drink, what’s your opinion on recreational drugs? You could always get high instead, unless that’s not your thing.
Buy a ruffled shirt (black) and read some vampire pop lore, Bram Stoker is quaint. Do some online research about contemporary vampire lore. You will then be able to participate rather than observe, and have something other than yourself to talk about. Watch some movies, Twilight maybe - I know, ick. The Hunger is an old movie but it’s pretty sexy.
People are going to be wearing costumes, which is great, because it will give you a nice hook to start conversations about. Mention, “Oh, that’s a cool [set of vampire fangs/cape/pair of boots/etc]” – “did it take you a long time to put that together/where did you find that/that’s very realistic/did you base that on a particular character?” That might be enough to get a conversation rolling, which might then turn to non-vampire topics such as favorite books, movies you have seen recently, etc.
Small talk is tough. But it’s a skill that you can learn, and you get better with practice. Good luck!
