One of my cats has developed a sizable clump of dried poop on her nether regions. How do I remove it without hurting her either physically or psychologically? She’s a 7-year-old medium-hair domestic.
The main issue is how to remove it without her hurting you.
I wait to see the suggestions
You’ll need to cut off the whole mess of matted fur – a pair of blunt scissors is probably the best tool for the job. If your cat is exceptionally cooperative you might be able to just tuck her under your arm while you do the job. Though you’ll probably need two people – one to hold her tightly and another to do the cutting. There’s also the trick of wrapping her in a towel so all the sharp bits are safely contained.
Good luck! Her dignity will be hurt by the ordeal but she’ll probably be over it in a day or two at most.
Psychologically?
I can just picture Agent Foxtrot’s cat on a psychiatrist’s couch, talking over her issues stemming from the dingleberry incident.
I vote for wrapping her in a towel - ass end exposed. That’s how I used to clip the nails of a cat I had before he was declawed. He was an absolute terror and would claw and bite everything if he wasn’t getting his way. The towel kept my skin in one piece. You’ll have a few seconds before the cat decides to wig out, so make it quick!
If you have an electric razor with a 'stache trimmer, you could shave it off. If you don’t mind using it on yourself at some time in the future, knowing where it has been.
I guess I should have mentioned that she’s one of the most docile cats you’d ever meet. I will try the blunt scissors. Thank you.
No, no, no, no! Don’t go anywhere near your cat’s skin with scissors, blunt or otherwise. It’s far too easy to cut open their skin no matter how careful you are! A cat’s skin is only a few cells deep, unlike our relatively thick skin.
Invest in a cheap hair clipper. You can pick up one from just about any chain drug store, plus you will have it available for the inevitable future kitty butt hair accidents.
Seconded! I’ve patched up a half dozen pets who got accidentally sliced open by the scissors of their well-meaning owners. Even electric trimmers can cause little nicks, but they are much less likely to do big damage like scissors.
Also, once you get the clump of debris off, if you see any redness or moisture to the skin, have kitty checked by a vet. We’ve had a couple of cases of serious wounds being caused by all that filth sitting on the skin too long.
Thinks of the cases she has intentionally used scissors to skin them
Yes, please don’t use scissors.
One of my ex-roomates had a long haired black cat. To avoid dingleberries, she used a clipper regularly to give the cat a clean… trail. The cat, fussy about other things, didn’t mind the clipper that much. Her boyfriend at the time, OTOH… 
What if I just comb it out with a flea comb?
That’s likely to pull the hairs before the bits of poop give way. Hair clippers are the way to go. If she tends to get poop stuck back there, just keep her anal area clipped all the time.
Best way is to keep checking out the kitty butt, and remove it when fresh - I do it by gently pulling it off with a moist baby wipe.
I have a long-haird male Maine Coon, and boys of that breed are prone to plumbing issues anyway, so, unfortunately, this is an area where I have expertise. I wish it were not so, but it is.
Scissors = no.
Clippers = yes.
Shave away what you can. She may need a light bath afterwards - you don’t need to wash all of her if you want to just wet/lather/rinse her from the hips back - or you can try wiping the area with a baby wipe or two. Licking her fur dry will encourage her to clean the rest of the area well, assuming she can reach (isn’t too fat or has arthritis, etc.)
- checks date of OP *
Oh.
I assume the issue has been settled by now.
Personally, I’d get quotes from a professional groomer before I went out and got cat poo near if not in a set of clippers.
Can’t you teach your cat to use a bidet?
Well, damn, I love my cat, but if he thinks I’m going to lick his ass clean he’s got another think coming. :mad:
Best username/post combo ever.
Out of curiosity, how do animals in the wild deal with this issue? I figured your cat would have licked it out before it became an issue. Aren’t they pretty strict about their self-grooming regimens?