How do I tell my in-laws to butt out?

SpikeyKitten, I’m guessing you live in the US, though you don’t say so. Our freedom of religion (see 1st Amendment) has been shown, in the courts, to include freedom from religion. Public schools have no right to coerce your child to pray in some way her parents don’t approve. Other people have no right to “teach” your child about Jesus, Al’lah, or Gonesh if you don’t approve. That includes aunts, uncles, grandparents, and total strangers. Anyone who doesn’t believe that, doesn’t understand our country’s heritage.

Now that I’ve said that, I want to encourage you to remain calm when you make your position clear to your brother-in-law and his wife. There is still a chance for family peace. It is quite possible to get along with relatives that disagree with you. I have done it myself. My wife’s family include home-schooling fundies, Catholics, and racist Methodists. (I’m not suggesting that most Methodists are racist, just that these two were.) We tacitly agreed not to discuss the things we disagree about. It has worked pretty well, through 27 years of marriage.

Good luck to you.

Sorry, I didn’t say. Actually I live in Canada.

Go Jewish, that’ll show 'em!

Ask them if there is anything in the world more valuable than a saved soul.

Answer will be predictable.

Offer to follow thier advice regards your daughtor for the bargain price of only $100,000/annum.

Surely if souls are such precious things, they and thier fundie friends can pool together such chump change.

When they react predictably, laugh maniacally, sprout horns, and tell them they just lost thier only chance while flicking your forked tounge ant them, and lunging at them with your pitch fork.

Random said it very concisely:

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I’ve had similar issues with my MIL, and found that calmly repeating step 3 word for word with identical inflection eventually helps. And, in case they object to “we don’t need any help,” maybe say, “we don’t need your advice,” or “we have already decided how to raise our children.” Whatever phrase you & your husband come up with, either one of you should recite it verbatim every single time.

We did this with my MIL, who in addition to the religious stuff, was always trying to get my kids to eat food that we all hated. I told them to say “No, thank you, I don’t want any.” “But then she asks us again!” they complained. So, you politely refuse again. The use of the identical wording, rather than trying for another explanation, is a key point.

Another thing I’d add is that we decided we would not make religion a “forbidden fruit,” as it were. Their grandmother asked to please, please, please take them to church with her. When they were old enough, I said they could go if they wanted to. After one long, boring service, they turned down all future invitations. They also went to church services a few times with friends. When my older daughter was about 13 or so, she asked if she was allowed to read the Bible. I told her “Sure,” and handed her a New English Bible (easy to read & understand). Within 10 minutes she was commenting about how illogical and contradicatory it was. We had a discussion about folk tales and the nature of oral “literature.”

Another atheist dad chiming in. Yes, my wife and I have discovered that comparative religious study is a powerful arrow in our quiver. The more that children know about ALL religions the less likely they will decide that one particular one has a lock on the truth.

I agree with what other people have been saying. Come up with a mantra like “Thank you for your concern. We will raise our children as we see fit.” Then repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat. Eventually they’ll get bored and move on.

Wow! Welcome. Always a pleasure to have newbies allow as how their thread may not be in the right place. You got a future here.

Moved to IMHO, where you’ll get all the opinions, even good ones, you need.

samclem

Thanks for moving it.

Also, thanks to everyone for the advice. The mantra thing sounds like a good idea to me. And certainly, when she’s old enough she’ll learn about whatever religion she’s interested in.

I am very leery of letting her attend that church. Not all churches, but the one they’re from.

That’s because I’ve been there and was raised there. It’s a hate filled place that does a pretty good job of supplying Sunday school during the sermon and making prosletizing fun!

Maybe at 10 or 12 but she’s only 2!

I will encourage her to read the Bible, its an important tool in understanding her family and also its hugely influential in literature and our culture also it has some neat stories.

I guess my worst nightmare is a 3 year old who has nightmares about going to hell.

I was told about hell before I was 4 and I was terrified for most of my childhood.

I’d like to spare her that horror, I think it’s our responsibility as parents to do just that.

10 or 12 is a horrid age to expose your kid to church – they might catch religion! Wait until she’s 17 or 22. It’s safer then. :wink:

I think you have a strong ally in your mom-in-law. I’d use her on the front line. Next time the fundie-in-laws try to sway her to their questionable cause to save your daughter, perhaps she could say, “I don’t really think it’s our place to parent Spikeykitty’s child. She and hubby have probably already made a decision based on their own beliefs.” I know it’s non-confrontational, but it saves them from making asses of themselves in front of you and saves you and hubby from making family into enemies.

It sounds like you have this problem solved.

Still, its a shame that we’ll never know how much extra it costs to have a process server serve a restraining order in church during ‘First Meeting’… :smiley:

You know, until they actually approach you, there’s not a whole lot you can do. I mean, maybe they’re testing the waters by sounding out your MIL, and she can steer them clear.

That said, if they do approach you, a simple “Thank you for your concern, but we’re good” should suffice. Just because they’re being rude is no reason for you to be, especially since it may feed into their “Atheists are all rude bastards bound straight for hell” mindset.

If they persist, a firmer “We’ve already told you we’re good. Why are you misunderstanding that?” with a puzzled smile should suffice.

Of course, if they drag the kidlet off to their church without your permission or knowledge, all bets are off, and I grant you leave to go nuclear on their ass.

I think you’ve got all the good advice you need; I just want to offer sympathy that your husband’s bil and sil are such tools. I disagree vehemently with how my bil and sister are raising their kids (I’ve posted occasionally about what spoiled brats my nieces are); I do my best to keep my mouth shut about it, because it just isn’t my business. I also don’t have very much to do with them because of it, and that might be where you end up with your husband’s family.