If it applies to you, have you been able to overcome such a handicap?, if so how?.. did you get over the repulsion that you used to feel when staring at your own reflection?
In my case i’ve always felt ugly, the fact that people made fun of my looks really took a toll on my self-worth. Even now as i walk down the streets i normally get them “stink eye” looks. And it just makes me wanna go live somewhere where i can be by myself, where no one can steal a glance at me, a hermit if you will. So yeah… it’s safe to say that i haven’t gotten over the way i look and it’s really making life harder for me.
It seems like most guys unless seriously deformed or something, seem to just kind of get over it if they aren’t very attractive or build up a very extroverted attitude to kind of make up for it. I’ve seen other guys that don’t seem to be very attractive in the face that appear to make up for it by working on what they can change like their body by becoming very in shape and athletic.
You need to start reading studies about how people self-assess compared to how they assess the others around them.
When estimating weight by looking at photos of other people, people tend to assume that they look like a person ten or twenty pounds heavier.
When describing their own physical features to a sketch artist, the end result is often not recognizable as them and virtually always less accurate than when they describe someone else’s features.
People assume that their flaws are noticed more often than they are. For example, in a study that had people wear a bright and offensive T-Shirt in a college class, most people assumed that something like 80% of students would notice it, but the truth was closer to 40%. (I don’t know if it’s reassuring to know that nobody even notices or cares? It’s the truth, anyway.)
I don’t even believe you about the “stink eye looks” you think you’re getting. Unless you’re the elephant man, you spilled a milkshake all over your shirt, or your fly is open, that’s all in your head.
Very few people are genuinely ugly. Even the ones who are are usually only truly ugly due to terrible hygiene or terrible personalities. In my experience it is rare for a person with decent hygiene and a passable personality to be ugly. Most people are just forgettable and plain looking (myself included).
Dosn’t sound like your problem is ugliness. Sounds like it is social anxiety.
Therapy helps with social anxiety. So do certain medications. If you’re in no particular hurry, you could try to learn how not to give a fuck. That requires realizing that most people–especially random people on the street–aren’t important and neither are their opinions. If you must worry about what people think, focus more on family and friends.
First, you get over yourself. Most of the people walking down the street, who you think are giving you stink eye. are probably not even seeing you but are thinking about their own problems. Also, you probably aren’t actually ugly*, as dracoi suggests. You are probably just plain, or average, or maybe a little goofy looking (like me).
Second, you make the best of what you have, and find the audience for that. For example, I found myself fortunately romantically attracted to a subset of humanity that often found my better physical attributes appealing enough to overcome my facial features. These aren’t the only ones I found attractive, but I gravitated in that direction partly because that’s where I had the most success.
Third, if you can, develop your personality. Try to be kinder, more generous, and more interesting than average.
*My “I am ugly” story. I was in cub scouts, and my father was somewhat involved in our activities. One day he was telling my mother a story about one of the boys in our den (she didn’t know them well by name) and when she figured out who he was talking about, she said “Oh, the good-looking one.” Up to that point, I had never evaluated any of us by those criteria. That’s when I went and really looked at myself in the mirror, and decided I was ugly. Funny thing, much later I found a photo of myself at that age, and I was really cute! But by the end of high school, after 7-8 years of thinking myself ugly, I was pretty unprepossessing - dour, pensive, introverted, the whole thing. Moral: you are what you tell yourself you are. Nowadays, I tell myself that I might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I still manage to appeal to some. And the ones who won’t give me a second glance - they’re the ones who are missing out.
(its some music that was playing when I wrote this. Just keep reading)
Bad days.
Discouragement.
Downsides.
Those parts we cover for. The ones we try to accent attention away from when we want to put our best foot forward…because we think we like someone… or sometimes just because we want to get by in the world.
Check. Probably too many checks to want to point out. But here’s the thing: Do you remember when someone older & wiser than you told you not to sweat mistakes at “the big party” because so many other people would be so
preoccupied with their own lives that no one would notice? Well, it turns out that it just might be good advice.
You wake up, you shower, you shave, you brush your teeth, and you get on clean clothes. Sometimes you’ll catch yourself giving yourself a sideways look saying, “…yeah, well… I guess that explains a Lot.”
Last night you watched TV or a movie with Brad Pitt or George Clooney or Matt Damon or Ben Affleck or Ryan Reynolds or John Cusack or Keanu Reeves or Kyle Chandler or someone else who… when you compare yourself to, you feel less than handsome.
And… maybe you aren’t. Maybe you’re just… Average.
But, here’s the thing. You know how they say that no matter how beautiful or handsome someone is there is always someone else who is totally and completely Tired of their shit? Lets take that same logic, and with some effort, move it in a different direction.
Lets change the variables. Lets say that no matter how Average you may be… Maybe… just maybe… there is someone out there who is into it. Into how you live, how you dress, who you choose to be, how you think, and possibly is just into… YOU.
Into your pointless and useless fights against the world; a world that you can’t stop and are damn lucky if, just once in a while, you can even slow down. Maybe … just maybe… there is someone out there who, if given a chance, would be
into the battles you fight, the challenges you face, and the possibility, no matter how slim, of a life that is neither pointless, nor boring, nor dull. You don’t have to be the worlds smartest man or the worlds strongest man to make a difference.
You don’t need to have unlimited funding or unstoppable power behind you just to have a fulfilling life.
Is it a long shot? it could be… but aren’t you more excited and more alive right before the numbers of a lottery you have a ticket for get drawn? Isn’t exciting to know when a project which you have poured yourself into is about to be judged?
Isn’t this why we get so ecstatic when we win? Isn’t that why we hope… why we dream… why we try and keep on trying? Why… deep down inside when we we want something so very badly… why we try so very hard with everything we’ve got,
even to the point of ruin?
And… isn’t that our right… YOUR right? Don’t we have that right to try just as hard as our bodies will allow, as far as our minds can imagine, to go as far as our endurance will last, dodging every obstacle and roadblock in our way,
to show what we are made of as human beings?
I don’t wear (or even have) an expensive suit. I don’t represent any multinational brand, and I don’t wear any uniform at all. Some people might say I’m just a dude in a shirt; someone who does his best every day and Tries.
If you are too… and if you do your best and of you reach down inside of yourself and try each and every day, you might just find so very much more than what you were looking for when you wrote this thread…
I’ve been called “scary-looking” and “imposing”; so when I meet a stranger’s eye, I always give them a friendly smile to let them know I’m harmless. In person, I try to make people laugh, and even when I can’t be funny, I can still be silly.
Oh, and the easiest way to make people like you is to like them first.