I’m not attractive (my thick glasses don’t help either.)
But I use several ideas (some already mentioned):
I’m pleasant to people
I take an interest in them (people really like that!)
I have hobbies and spend time with like-minded folk
I focus on my achievements, not my looks
I try to save money, so I can have things I like and not worry about debt
I relax and don’t worry about things I can’t control
I have had an enjoyable life, made some really good friends and achieved a lot.
Put your energy into doing useful stuff, not worrying and hopefully you will enjoy yourself too!
Be interesting, definitely. And on some level you have to not care.
It took me a while to realize it, but most people don’t care. Think about yourself. If you see someone who is genuinely ugly walking down the street, maybe you think “Oh my, he was beaten by the ugly stick every day”. Maybe you feel sorry for them.
And most people go on with their lives and never spare another thought.
If you are just average looking or plain, people hardly notice you and they don’t spare many thoughts to you.
You are definitely not the center of attention as a beautiful person might be.
Plus confidence really helps. If I am wearing an outfit I am not exactly sure of, I make a point to walk with my head up, shoulders back, long strides. I used to have to think “I don’t care about you, I feel great”, but now it’s become habit. Slouching posture, eyes down, hair in eyes, none of these are greatly attractive and exacerbate bad looks.
If you are ugly and a man I always recommend one thing - become a snappy dresser, as far as your budget allows. Women swoon over clothes (I do). Stay away from the trilbys but don’t wear tattered or dirty clothes, make sure your clothes are always clean and match, and feel free to add a little flair of your own.
And yes - get some hobbies! If you do suffer from social anxiety, like monstro suggests, get help for it! It’s ok - we all do to some extent.
If you met someone who was exactly as ugly as you, how would you treat them? Would you think they might be worth getting to know?
If so, why judge your own reflection so harshly?
If not, maybe you should stop being part of the problem. Get to know other ugly people. See past their physical appearance and appreciate that they are actual human beings, not just undecorative parts of the landscape.
In another thread, you complain that no “pretty girls” will have anything to do with you. I’m not saying ugly people cannot have relationships with non-ugly people, but your obsession with appearance makes you a big part of the problem. Do you have anything to offer a relationship, or do you think attractive packaging is really all that matters?
A relationship that is about using your looks to trick another good-looking person into getting involved with you is not something to hold out for and dwelling on this topic will make you even less attractive. Self-pity is not a good look.
Oh. One of those guys! Well, OP, do you have anything to offer the opposite sex or do you just expect pretty girls to come tumbling into your lap? I can tell you I don’t set my sights as high as Jude Law look-alikes!
Good hygiene and personal grooming. Dress well and carry yourself with confidence and aplomb. For the grand majority of the population attractiveness is merely a result of the effort they put in.
If you have nothing to offer, looks should be the least of your worries.
It kind of sounds like you think all anyone has to offer is their physical appearance. Few relationships succeed when they are based only on the participants being attractive. You might as well go ahead and save up for a pretty sex doll if you don’t care about having conversation, mutual interests beyond each others’ physiques, and sharing life experiences with someone.
You’ve gotten some really thoughtful answers here already. Read and consider them instead of wallowing in self-pity, which is incredibly unattractive on anyone. Even if you did look like Jude Law, your loser attitude would only keep people around for so long, although if your whining was with his adorable accent maybe it would be more tolerable.
I almost hate to suggest it, but the recent prison breakout should be interesting to the OP. Take two convicted felons with heinous crimes. Neither of which are physically attractive. Yet they still manage to seduce a married woman and get her to help them escape.
I’d add *ironed *clothing. An ironed cotton button-front shirt has an unmistakeable scent of cleanness and cottony goodness. It’s better than any cologne to me.
The advice in this thread would make me very good friends with women but they would never see me as attractive and hence would never want to be in a relationship with me.
Good thinking. Who’d want females around as friends? If a woman isn’t going to date you, she’s a massive waste of your valuable time, time you could be spending bemoaning your disablingly hideous countenance.
You’re wise to keep yourself to yourself and not risk having to chase away all the useless women that would be knocking down your parents’ door to non-sexually enjoy your delightful company.
The advice in this thread would in fact increase the likelihood of a woman wanting to be in a relationship with you, no question about it. It’s no guarantee, but it enhances your chances.
If you find women are giving you no interest whatsoever, then unless you are literally disfigured, you’re doing one, two, or all of these three things:
You aren’t speaking to women and interacting with them in an interesting way.
You are not making yourself look as good as you could.
Some women ARE interested in you but you don’t notice.
I assure you every single person ever with your complaint is guilty of some or all of these things.
Women are not like guys. Guys are visually attracted to women and don’t care that much about personality or station in life. Women are more attracted to a man’s personality and station and life. Look at Woody Allen, short, nebbishy guy who dated glamorous actresses because of he was funny and succesful. Look at Kevin Smith, Harvey Weinstein, Lil Wayne, Marc Anthony, etc., all ugly guys who married hot women because of their personality and success. There are plenty of online resources about what kind of man can attract women, look up those resources.
