I’m just curious about how folks tend to deal with significant dates in their lives that have had reason to go sour for them at some point. In my case, it was a product of the divorce I’m going through. The passing of Thanksgiving and my wife’s birthday were both very difficult for me. What would have been our 11th wedding anniversary just passed last week, though, and I didn’t find that nearly as troublesome. I’m guessing that as some of these dates roll around for the second time, they won’t faze me much at all.
So, I’m curious about other Dopers who have gone through divorce, too, but I don’t want to restrict it to that at all. I know there are Dopers here who have lost spouses to death, as well. And beyond spouses, and in maybe a lighter vein, I’m thinking of parents who have grown children who no longer celebrate birthdays at home, or…well, I’m sure there are a number of ways this could apply that I can’t think of.
Share your experiences – sad, amusing, or just interesting – about the first time you had to approach a significant anniversary after a major life change that impacted that date. And also how your feelings about such anniversaries changed (or didn’t) as time went on.
Thanksgiving is a very difficult time of year for me, because I experienced a major trauma on that day when I was 17 and my family has never been the same since. The entire month of November used to completely derail me, then it became only a couple of weeks, and this past year it was only part of one day.
The best thing you can give it is time. Make plans to keep yourself busy way in advance. If you need time alone, take it. Let yourself be safe, don’t plan on accomplishing anything significant during that time of year, and just accept that there will be some pain, especially at first.
I wish the answer were more uplifting, but the simple truth of the matter is, hard things are hard. Sometimes the best we can do is accept that it’s going to be hard for a while and commit to being there for ourselves no matter what.
I recently celebrated my late husband’s birthday by going out to dinner with his family. I toasted them for making him who he was, and we all toasted him. It made the day much better than it could have been. We also ate lots of pudding (dessert to the 'mericans) in his honor, as he loved sweets more than any adult I have met.
I tend to recall some line in a movie or TV show I saw once, the gist of which was "women always associate things with important dates - especially breakups, as in “I can’t believe you’re breaking up with me three days before my birthday” or “I can’t believe you’re asking me for a divorce three days after Earth Day!” and tell myself to man up.
I had a really bad time with my previous wedding anniversary, but I was lucky enough to have a co-worker whose birthday was the same date (even the same year!). So if I even think about it now, I can just remind myself that it’s Forrie’s birthday!
My ex-husband dumped me on Feb. 29 - Leap Day - and thusly, the anniversary of this doesn’t roll around very often. I actually get a chuckle out of this, possibly my sense of humor is a bit warped, though.
I had an ex-BF who would pick fights right before any occasion where he might be expected to fork over for a gift. Birthday, Christmas, etc. I was young and stupid and it took me a while to catch on.
Because it would be something shameful if you did something that some women do?
My mother called me one day and acted like she was really worried about me. I had no idea what her problem might be until I looked a calendar and realized it was the one year anniversary of my husband’s death.
I don’t tend to attach particular importance to dates.