Oh, I’m a huge fan and cheerleader. Except that I inexplicably lost it this summer, somewhere in the middle of a field in western New York. Or maybe Ohio. Or Indiana…Or Illinois… And not in the fun way you’re thinking, either. I think it slipped out of my camper where the canvas wasn’t snugged and fell into the weeds. I haven’t treated myself to a new one, so I’ve been back to shudder gladrags. Time to fix that - thanks for the reminder!
In the autobiography of Spanish adventurer Captain Contreras he tells how around the year of 1600 his ship was chasing a Turkish ship to plunder. The Turks got ashore and were chased on land by the Christians. Contreras ends up face to face with a Turk who, when asked to surrender replies “You bugger, your ass stinks like a dead dog”. (The Turk was taken prisoner by Contreras who then had to fight some French soldiers who wanted to take the Turk away from him.)
So already over 400 years ago it was considered insulting to suggest someone might not have adequate perianal hygiene.
He obviously needed a can of Ass Don’t Smell.
Yes. Yes I do, that’s why I asked. I’ve been to Europe, I’ve seen the washbasin thing and I still don’t get it. That’s why I asked you to explain it to me.
Right?
For example…how do you wash your ass with soap and water while you’re wearing clothes and not get your trousers all wet? I’m not being snarky, I really don’t know the mechanics here. I’m also not being stupid, this is not something I was ever taught. I’m simply ignorant, and asking to be made enlightened.
This may help.
Thanks, it actually does!
Now…are we certain that a bidet isn’t a stealth masturbatory device masquerading as hygiene? 
Quilted Northern Ultra Plush from Costco is excellent; I’m not sure if it’s sold elsewhere. We’re still on our first batch; as I began to unpack the bundle and stow it in the usual cupboard, I was pleasantly surprised that I couldn’t stack them two-high as I usually do because the rolls are actually wider than normal.
In this age of product shrink I could hardly believe it.
I don’t remember the cost, but it must have been at least a fairly good deal coming from Costco.
Didnt read all the intervening posts, but i calculate it out by number of plys and sheets.
Go math!
You mean you have to take your pants and underwear off to use the bidet? No wonder they never caught on in the U.S. Ain’t nobody got time for that shit.
You keep doing this shit. Why? Threads are conversations where we all exchange views and information. You just walk in, drop your turl and walk away without even wiping your ass.
You would do well to read what others have posted. Maybe then you will realize your pearl of wisdom is not as valuable as you thought.
Really? I can think of few things more intuitive than using a bidet. I had a Chinese family visiting me some months ago and I was showing them around the house. In the bathroom I asked the 5 year old girl if she knew what the bidet was for and she said “no”. I told her it was to wash your butt after using the toilet nd she instantly and playfully sat on the bidet like she was using it and looking around to see how it fit and how she would use it. She had found a cool new toy and couldn’t wait to use it.
OK, for those who lack the imagination of a five year old girl and need instructions on how to shit and then wash up, here is how do it:
I drop my pants to my ankles. I sit on the toilet and shit. As I enjoy the feeling of rejuvenation of the act and as I am about to conclude I fill the bidet which is within reach.
I wipe my butt with toilet paper for a coarse cleaning. How anyone considers this to be sufficient I have no idea.
I then lift up my butt a few inches and move it about two feet to the right and sit on the bidet which is at about the same height as the toilet. If I am only washing my butthole I will sit so that my testicular equipment is not in the water but rather over the edge.
With my right hand I take soap and lather my hand and butthole and clean. I mean, don’t you people wash your hands or your feet or your dog? Do you really need instructions? I just find this strange. Maybe I am missing something. Anyway, having used soap I rinse by splashing a bit of water with my hand. Note that you could just lower your butt into the water but I prefer to use my hand to splash water up.
Ocassionally if I feel the need I may wash my manly bits or just the tip of the iceberg.
Ladies will also wash their lady parts in the same way. I guess not having dangling bits makes it a bit easier.
Having rinsed everything, including my hands, I then dry with a towel. Most people would have a small towel specially for this purpose hanging by the bidet. If I find myself in a bathroom with no special towel I will see if there is a floor towel I can use for the purpose. If not then I may just use a regular towel or toilet paper.
Note that, due to excelent training, my faithful pants are still at my ankles where I left them. I proceed to thank my pants for waiting for me and I reinstate them to their normal, upright position.
When I am forced to use a bathroom without a bidet I can use a bucket quite easily. The difference is that I cannot sit on the bucket and that the bucket is lower. So I crouch with one foot back and one foot forward and it works just as well. If there is no other option I will use the bathtub or shower but this is much more of a hassle.
I really understand that different cultures have different standards but for Americans, who like to boast over their superior hygiene habits with respect to Europeans, to not wash their butts after shitting is just strange to me. I guess because I have washed my butt since childhood but not washing just feels dirty. I mean, yeah, if I have to use a public toilet and can’t wash then I don’t wash until I get home but it is like having dirty hands, I wash up as soon as I have the opportunity.
For me a woman who does not keep those parts immaculately clean is a total turn off. No way. No thanks.
So, thanks ever so for your patronizing tone, but unlike that precocious 5 year old, I’ve never *seen *a bidet, much less been able to lay my arse across it’s gleaming surface so as to be able to intuit its use.
You talk about “filling” the bidet, and “lowering into the water” and “splashing up” water with your hands…but that’s not at all what the video and previous description given in the thread show. They show something more like a drinking fountain fountaining up from a bowl much like a toilet without a seat. It appears from those that the user hovers or sits over this small fountain, and uses ones hand to rub feces off the skin under the flow of the fountain. (Which is exactly where Americans go “eeew”. We don’t like to touch shit with our hands, even if we’re about to wash them. When we shower or sponge bath our asses and genitals, we use a cloth or loofah between our hand and our e.coli. Not that this is strictly necessary, but I assure you, neither is the use of a bidet if one showers daily, as most Americans do.)
So maybe you could back off a little from the superciliousness, because apparently your imagination has provided a completely different way to use a bidet than others do. Acting as if it’s a perfectly intuitive procedure seems a little silly when it’s apparent that even your fellow countrymen may vary.
By the way, you did, accidentally it seems, provide an answer my question, which is that you push your pants all the way down around your ankles. That’s not how I do it to use a toilet, or how most people I’ve watched on the toilet do it. We only lower our pants to midthigh or knees - and if your pants are only at midthigh, it’s not a stupid question to wonder how you keep them dry while you’re splashing water around.
I wish someone would explain this. The picture in that “how to” link shows someone naked from the waist down. Surely that is not necessary?
I mean, seriously, how do you use one without getting your clothes wet? No ridicule or eye-rolling, please. Ditto what was said above: “I’m simply ignorant, and asking to be made enlightened.”
Also the tiny-sink-style bidets I’ve seen in European hotels don’t have seats. I don’t see how that can be comfortable (and non-slippery.) WHICH IS WHY I ASKED THE QUESTION.
Personally, I don’t care for the European style bidets. It doesn’t make sense that they’re a separate fixture. The ones I encountered in Egypt, Japan, and India, where they are the same unit as the toilet if not attached with a hose and spray, are my preferred type.
The ones we installed that I mentioned upthread are quite simple to use. Before wiping, while still staying seated, I turn on the water flow. It’s a high powered jet of water that is pre-aimed for the anus area. A little bit of leaning back and forth and the area is washed pretty much clean. I’ve never used soap or my hand for that matter as the stream is powerful enough. I wait about 30 seconds for a little drip dry and then wipe it dry with toilet paper.
I like it, but I have stopped buying it because it is a product from Koch Industries, of the brothers Koch who are major donors to Tea Party groups and other extreme right wing entities. Gotta draw the line somewhere, even if it means less comfy asswipe.
Sorry if I sound short of patience but really, I’ve spent my adult life listening to Americans say their hygienic habits are so superior to Europeans. Some decades ago my American boss told me facial hair was unacceptable because it was unhygienic. And this guy probably didn’t wash his butt after shitting.
So, to clarify some points raised… You sit on the edge of a bidet. You think it is not comfortable? You’re not reading War and Peace, you’re washing your butt. How long does that take? I have never had a problem. How the hell could you wash your butt if it had a seat like a toilet? You need to get your hands down there. The rim is at least a couple inches wide. I have never had a problem. I don’t know if a big, fat person might have some problem. I have never been a big fat person. But I suppose if you can wipe your butt you can wash it. If you can’t wipe your butt… I don’t want to be near you.
I have seem some “designer” bidets which look stylish and uncomfortable. Like sinks and other devices, very nice to see in a magazine about decoration but do not look comfortable to use. A bidet with a very narrow rim is probably not comfortable.
As for bidets with a fountain that shoots water upwards, they were common when I was a kid but I haven’t seen them in decades and I think I know why. When we were children my sisters and I would play and shoot water which sometimes reached the ceiling. They are easy to make a mess and I have never used that spout, just used the bidet as a basin with water.
Pretty much all I talk about when I’m out, along with sports and the weather.
sailor what country are you in?