Filed for divorce. No, I’m not kidding.
Separated. Not kidding either.
When it gets to the point where you can’t even stand her languistic quirks, you know it’s time.
“I’ll double-check.” No you won’t. You haven’t even checked once yet!
“Is the store opened?” Open is sufficient.
“The minute it happened” isn’t a translation for now, or as soon as it happened.
Very pedantic of me. Over. 20. Years. Of. Other. Stuff.
(Eye twitching.)
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As others have said, it’s not just her “habits” - it’s that everything I do from breathing noisily onwards is a deliberate personal offense that only someone out to make her upset would do… while her actions are either my imagination or completely normal or something I should be happy to have around.
There is no upside to divorcing and moving on, not really. (Not when it’s just “worn out relationship,” not a serious, unfixable cause.) But there will be some forms of blessed, blessed peace as a result.
Sighhhhh… Let me open another beer to that. The hockey game is on in 20 minutes.
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Mrs Piper has no annoying habits, he said blissfully. 
Cool thread, thx OP.
Hubby has no quirks or bad habits i can’t live with except one, he clears his throat and coughs almost constantly. I let it build up till I can’t stand it (when he interrupts me or it’s just too awful to listen to) and it goes away for a while. Then it builds up and…rinse, repeat. Occasionally he is annoyed when I tell him to stop, but clearly the fact that he can go for certain periods tells me he doesn’t have to do it.
Otherwise, he and I are both moderate slobs, and we accept that with no issues, we help each other, divide housework equally, do not complain about each others’ habits, except the above, so it’s pretty low-stress.
Anyone else have a thing about throat clearing and coughing? I’d love to know how you handled it.
A
I suffer a bit from something similar to hubby’s condition. Sometimes my sinuses drain down back of my throat continuously for 15-30 minutes. i.e. post-nasal drip. If instead it ran out the front of my nose I’d be blowing it every 30 seconds or so. Like somebody with an intense cold.
I can no more control the flow of gunk down my throat than I can control the weather. All I can do is urrk & swallow, urrk & swallow, over and over to keep my airway open until it quits. I try to be as quiet as possible because I don’t like the noise any more than you do. But it isn’t, and can’t be, silent. Sorry.
There’s a condition called “gustatory rhinitis” where the simple act of eating triggers this. It seems I have a touch of this as the problem is often at its worst shortly after eating a meal, regardless of what I ate. It’s thought to be caused by “crossed wires” between the chemical signals that trigger digestive secretions and nasal secretions.
My bottom line: Don’t confuse the fact the problem is intermittent for it being subject to his conscious control. I don’t know your hubby personally so I can’t say whether it’s just a bad habit he could control or whether he (and you) are stuck with it. IMO you don’t know either.
I can add that it’s a non- productive throat-clearing. Nothing is oozing, urkling, or flowing. He has seen our GP and had referrals to ENT specialists, but they can’t find anything. I’ve had a theory for a long time that because he has constantly and habitually cleared his throat, for such long periods, it has set up a kind of low level inflammation in his throat that makes it feel like there is something there and he has to ahem, ahem, ahem till it’s gone. Kind of like when you blow your nose when you have a cold and the act of blowing makes the tissue puffy and congested and you feel like you have to keep blowing just to get rid of it. It’s just a theory, mind you.
I can live with it, it’s no biggie. Thanks for your perspective. I do wish he had productive mucus, sigh…lol. And I’m sorry you have to go through this. It must be difficult.
There are two parts to this issue … your husband has bad habits and YOU are easily annoyed … divorce this one guy and get another, then this another will also have bad habits and you will still be annoyed … and these are fairly trivial compared to your husband sleeping with other women … because if he’s not a whoremonger then I’d say he’s a keeper … 'cause the next guy you get may well give you The Clap …
Huh?
Either you didn’t read my posts closely or you have fully misunderstood the message I was attempting to impart.
If you’d read any post of mine in this thread with comprehension, you’d have realized my husband hardly annoyed me at all. He definitely was a keeper – which is why I have missed him so very much since he died.
As strange as it may be, part of me has always admired people who managed to file for divorce. No one says “this person is annoying as fuck, but I think I’ll marry them anyway.” But after x years of stupid arguments you can’t figure out why you are having, pretending it doesn’t bother you that the woman you are with is no longer the hot girl you married, or just dealing with stupid annoying habits you just don’t feel like dealing with anymore, how and when does someone decide “fuck this shit”?
Interesting perspective. How indeed does it finally cross the threshold from tolerable to intolerable? Sometimes it’s obvious as in discovering an affair or embezzlement or addicition or whatever malfeasance. Other than that though …
I recall years ago seeing a jokey greeting card. The cover said something like “I hear you’re getting a divorce” with kind of a sad tone to the nondescript drawing on the cover.
The inside had a big grin sort of drawing and said “Couldn’t go any longer without sex, eh?”
So that might be a lot of it. Especially for the younger crowd.
Hmm. Thanks for the additional details. I retract my overly harsh closing remarks.
Pretty good bet he’s sensitized that one spot in his throat so, as you say, it tickles almost constantly. Since you’ve both checked out the medical aspect I suggest maybe some mental approach along the lines of CBT might be helpful. Unconscious habits *can *be broken. It isn’t easy and it isn’t natural. But there’s plenty of modern insight into tactics that give your hubby the best shot at succeeding. Good luck for both of you.
LSLGuy,
Thanks for the CBT angle. You’re very kind and understanding. Not to worry about the remarks.
A.
What worked for me, was leaving the person. But I was never married, much more complicated for you.
Story Below;
Never had a spouse, had an almost-fiance is as far as that goes. She was a great girl/woman, really honest at heart, always thought of me, as I did her etc… It was great, we were together for 3 1/2 years, then split for 2, got back together for over 1 year, then this time I did the splitting up. I think I broke her heart, and I feel so much remorse for it, but dealing with an anxiety disorder and someone always having something to complain about (miniscule stuff) that had no bearing on us, drove me insane, mentally miserable (because of anxiety disorder). Stuff with simple explanations, if you don’t like your job, and don’t have kids, find another one, stop complaining about it, its not even a career. Also the bitching about my sleeping in longer on some days (i work nights, so did she) and hiding food from her because she was afraid she would eat it and get fat. So messy too, eating snacks in bed, leaving crumbs, handprints all over the mirrors, leaving dishes in the sink with stuff caked on, trying clothes on for the day, then throwing them in the hamper, dropping stuff all the time, spilling stuff all the time, her car looked like a hoarders house, always was defensive if I gave her any constructive criticism (you are 1,500 miles overdue for an oil change, you said you like the car, i’ll take it for you) and then flip out about it. Incapable of fixing small problems, god help us all if a faucet handle came off, she would probably stick a towel on it to fix the leak. Not to mention her family, who are really nice, but they judge EVERYONE they meet for what their career choices were and are, not for the person they are. So SHALLOW, and it rubbed off a little on her. Aside from all of that, one day she got drunk and said I wouldn’t be a good father(she retracted and said she didn’t mean it)… thats when it went downhill and ended a couple weeks later.
Now I live at my place, alone, its always clean, organized, QUIET and I can do what I want whenever, no obligations outside of career. I may get lonely at times, but I can just get a dog, or meet someone else when ready. Best part is, my anxiety is under control now, without outside aggravation.
I am amazed how much of an impact a person being messy can have on a relationship, but it really does. I like to be comfortable with my environment and make plans, she didn’t care about that, and wanted to go on random trips, middle of the night, no planning etc… That to me is just being irresponsible.
20 years??? People get less than that for murder…
Oh dear god, I forgot to mention this in the OP. Hubby clears his throat loudly, blows his nose loudly, and spits very loudly in the shower! The very shower that I have to get into next :eek:. I handle this by banging my head against the wall, curling up into the fetal position, and reminding myself that at least he doesn’t beat me.
Would you like to join my support group, Lowdown? 
Good thing he pees quietly in the shower. If that was noisy enough for you to hear too you’d be around the bend by now.
Yeah, the difference is they are a free man after getting out of jail.
I guess it’s like a crappy job. Sure you could quit, but then you’re unemployed and it’s not like you’re going to find some new job awesome job that pays a million a year with a flexible schedule.
Cock and Ball Torture? :eek:
I think I’ve been reading too much Dan Savage.
And, you can always listen to the wise and great John Prine…