i dated a great man for almost two years. i broke up with him when he decided he wanted to live with his daughter and her mother in order to be around for his daughter more. it was a bizarre situation to say the least. after a few months, i have started seeing someone else - a man i have known for years and who i think the world of. he’s great and i like him a ton. but he’s recently out of a relationship too and i’m worried that one of us might get hurt in the long run. i want to take my time and make sure things are right before jumping head long into something new. but i also want to jump head long into something new. how do i know if he is ready for a serious relationship? i don’t want another broken heart.
I think you answered it yourself … take your time & make sure things are right.
I was in your boat last winter and I just took things very very slowly with my new guy … he was into going slowly as well … first we saw each other every couple of weeks, then every week, then twice a week … over a period of 3 months … before we got “serious” … We didn’t even kiss for the first 2 months - we were just friends, although I think we both wanted more, neither of us had the courage or the confidence to make the first move.
So i guess that’s my advice … go as slowly as you possibly can, and when you’re NOT with him, do other things- take a class, visit with friends, read a good book, join a gym, etc etc … fill your time up with lots of stuff other than the new guy …
Good luck!
i’m trying to do just that. we don’t live in the same city so filling my time with other things is easy right now. the thing is, he seems to want to move faster than i think we need to and i am worried it’s because he doesn’t want to be alone, not because he doesn’t want to be without me, if that makes sense. but, i might be being overly cautious. i just don’t know. i don’t know how to read things anymore it seems.
I really don’t mean to be a wet blanket, REALLY! The way you keep yourself from a broken heart… is to shut down! NEVER make an attempt at love again! I’m (very) sorry, but that is the only course of action I can see.
shutting down isn’t an option really. 
but thanks for the advice. i had actually already thought of that one.
Like I said, I’m really sorry, but that is all I see. Of course, you’re probably not as old (or jaded) as me… so, go for it! You can’t do as bad as I have!
poiema, love is a risk, and what you risk is your heart. But we all know that, or think we do, and often dive in head first anyway.
I may be reading more in your posts than you actually meant, and if so, I apologise. It seems to me that you may not have taken adequate time away from the game between heartbreaks, not so much to fully heal, as to regain your sense of self-sufficiency. You are doubting your judgement, and I doubt that this is fair to you. Your gut is telling you he’s rushing you, and not for your sake, either. Trust your gut.
It will be time to jump head-long into something new, when and if your new man can demonstrate that he is as trustworthy as your gut, and that he understands why you are so inclined to take it slow.
I’m in much the same boat, trying out a new relationship in spite of the heartbreak of the last one. And the hardest thing I know to do right now is to put the brakes on and take it really slow. But my gut is telling me that if I do this now, keep things light and casual until I have a greater sense of who he is, I will have successfully broken my own bad pattern of diving headfirst into an empty pool, AND be in a healthy relationship for the first time in forever. If I listen to my gut.
I hope this helps you. Keep us posted.
poiema, love is a risk, and what you risk is your heart. But we all know that, or think we do, and often dive in head first anyway.
I may be reading more in your posts than you actually meant, and if so, I apologise. It seems to me that you may not have taken adequate time away from the game between heartbreaks, not so much to fully heal, as to regain your sense of self-sufficiency. You are doubting your judgement, and I doubt that this is fair to you. Your gut is telling you he’s rushing you, and not for your sake, either. Trust your gut.
It will be time to jump head-long into something new, when and if your new man can demonstrate that he is as trustworthy as your gut, and that he understands why you are so inclined to take it slow.
I’m in much the same boat, trying out a new relationship in spite of the heartbreak of the last one. And the hardest thing I know to do right now is to put the brakes on and take it really slow. But my gut is telling me that if I do this now, keep things light and casual until I have a greater sense of who he is, I will have successfully broken my own bad pattern of diving headfirst into an empty pool, AND be in a healthy relationship for the first time in forever. If I listen to my gut.
I hope this helps you. Keep us posted.
thank you sinshine. that does help. good luck to you as well.
You are most welcome. And thank you.
damn hamsters 
I’ve been in a similar situation. The guy and I had both been badly hurt by our previous relationships, and I wasn’t prepared to be hurt again. We took our time, stayed as friends. Eventually I was ready to get into another relationship. We’ve been together 4 months.
So my advice is take your time. (I haven’t read the other posts yet so I apologise if someone has already said this.)