I was gently booted out of a serious relationship this last summer. The break up was nothing violent, nothing wrong, and nothing unexpected, really.
Taking a good long look at myself, I figured out that I needed time to myself for a while. (ending a long serious relationship tends to do that, so I’m told.) If I wanted a relationship at all, I was thinking along the lines of a few weeks/months long happy fling with no hurt feelings, nothing to lose, little more than a reoccuring fuck buddy.
Through priceless timing, I’ve found myself involved with a man I respect and care about. Its a great and wonderful thing and has the potential to be really, really good. However, knowing myself and this man…we’re not goofing off here. Way too serious for what I’m comfortable with, but its the only way I want to be with him.
So it comes down to this. I’m still burned, still healing in bits and places and in no way do I want that to threaten this pretty thing we’re building. (We…I love that…) so I need to return to my idealistic, happy go lucky, wild about love in all its depths, passionate Medea self. I have the surface act down pat, but the inner fears are wild.
Any help from the Teemings on how to Quik-Heal[sup]TM[/sup] from a long relationship so you are good to go into another one? (And I want this to be long. No other way to do it justice.) I’m giving myself a week before I become a pscho-hosebeast-ex… (hopeful, aren’t I? I need to get that back too.)
I’m actually pretty okay. I’m just annoying myself with remnants. I hate being weak/broken/unhealed and I don’t want that fault to screw up something that both he and I deserve to go wonderfully.
No, there’s no way to speed up the healing process. Wish I could tell you what you want to hear, but having been through it a lot of times, I can say with certainty that it takes as long as it takes and not a minute less.
Yea, that’s pretty much what I’m coming up with Geobabe.
And like I said, its nothing horribly serious, I’m just annoying myself. (My guy is an absolute sweetie, I just want to be sane…you know…for a moment or two…)
sanity? could someone look that one up for me? Pretty much anyone you talk to goes into a relationship with some baggage… some of us are light packers… some… well lets just say that there isn’t enough suitcases in the world. Assuming that you have moderate to good communication with this new sweetie, just explain as best as any of us can that you still have things that you need to work out from your previous experience. He may want to help, he may figure you need to figure it out for yourself. You need to take care of you… being honest and upfront… Maybe you have trust issues, or fears. Whatever it is allow yourself to understand that shit happens and for whatever reason this other relationship didn’t work out. Hopefully you have learned some things from it and can grow with this new one. All things take time… which is very much a cliche… but also very true.
I have learned from experience… to judge a new love on an old flames bad behavior is unfair… and will get you in a lot of trouble, unless you see yourself making the same bad habits… which then of course has less to do with them, and more to do with you! Relax… and allow yourself to be happy… strangely enough that is something a lot of people have a hard time doing
You are in the same position I was about a year ago. I’ve been dating my SO for a year and a half and our relationship is completely wonderful . . . NOW. I got burned two years before we met by a complete scoundrel (I’m using my nicey-nicey words) and, though I had a transition relationship before I met my SO, I was still very mistrustful and suspicious. I confided my fears and insecurities to him and thankfully, he has had the love and patience to allow me to work through the old baggage. He used to say, “Would you just put your (emotional) fists down once in a while”. I guess my advice is the same as the others - there’s no quick cure. Just be patient, don’t panic and run away from something that you know is good (or can be). The old hopeful, trusting, relaxed you will come back if you just give it time. Good luck!
On one hand, yes, I know. And I know everything will probably be fine. (Until I find exactly how to screw this up in the worst way possible…but I have to keep my talents sharp somehow.)
For the moment however, its harshing my buzz. I can’t mellow fully when I feel like this. And yea, the new sweetie has no problems about any of it. (He said the sappiest, sweetest thing to me last night…I’ll stop. Its impressive to me because he’s not a sappy person.)
So, the vote is that there isn’t a Quik-Heal and I’m just going to have to grow up the old fashioned way.
Don’t. Quick-heal is not the way to go if you want to actually heal, as opposed to just figuring out what needs to heal and putting lots of band-aids and neosporin on your wounds.
Give them proper time and care, and if you feel comfortable doing so, let whoever is waiting for you help you to heal as well. It isn’t quite as good as doing it yourself, but it will help you two to get to know eachother on a very needed level which I can’t put into words right now (mostly because I just came from a major BS session and my brain is semi-fried).
You can really mess yourself up if you don’t heal properly after any relationship. Really, seriously, almost to the point of it not being fixable.
I guess my advice is the same as the others - there’s no quick cure. Just be patient, don’t panic and run away from something that you know is good (or can be). The old hopeful, trusting, relaxed you will come back if you just give it time. Good luck!