And this is a blatant plea for sympathy or whatever. I don’t even know what to tell you guys, I just don’t want to be alone right now and this board, until it goes down, is the only place to go.
Two years together, my first really reciprocal, healthy relationship… we had some rough spots and almost split last summer but, as he told me tonight, he decided at that time he didn’t want to do with me as he’d done with other relationships, and we made it through. Tonight was about a lot of things but in the end, it was clear he had his mind made up.
I love him. I want him to be happy and right now he thinks that he needs this to be over to work on getting happy again. I tried to tell him that his own depression may be part of his nebulous dissatisfaction with Us, but he wasn’t really open to much that I had to say. In the end I asked him to just leave, but since I was crying by that point I don’t know how effective my Great Last Words really were.
This is the worst night of my life. I want to go away somewhere and never come back. I love this city but I don’t want to be here anymore. I feel numb, I feel dead.
I’m sorry, guys, I just don’t know who else to turn to right now.
Major Big Hugs to you, Rosebud. I know how confused and sad and empty you feel right now. I have SO been there.
There are absolutely no words I can say to take your pain away, I know that. I could tell you that it’s not about you, but him - his inadequacies in being able to maintain a healthy relationship. I could tell you you’re not alone - there are TONS of people who care about you. I could tell you how beautiful, kind and loving you are, and any man would be a fool not to want you. I could tell you how the pain will subside and you’ll realize how much better off you are if he didn’t love you as much as you deserve to be loved.
And though all of that is surely true, only time will really help the pain go away completely.
For tonight - pour yourself a glass of wine, change the sheets on your bed, fill the bathtub with tons of bubbles, let the steaming hot water get you really sleepy, then curl up in your fresh sheets and let sleep find you.
Whatever you do, tomorrow, don’t wallow around your house all alone. Call a friend and have them go for a brisk walk with you. Do some gardening, go play tennis - anything that requires a bit of physical exhertion.
Most of all, keep friends close by. They’ll be there to let you talk and talk and talk about it, even though you’ve repeated yourself more than a dozen times. They’ll keep you occupied so your mind can focus on things other than him. They’ll be a comfort to you because you need big hugs right now.
Rosebud
I don’t really know you but i have much sympathy for you. I can identify because my best friend whom I loved dearly left me 3 weeks ago. We decided to part and I was a mess. But honestly. I’m a much better person now.
I agree with Shayna. Get out of the house. Excersize. It helped me lots. I went for long brisk walks as I talked out loud what i should have said to my friend before he left. All the bad things that i wanted to say. And the good things.
But you know, life is funny. Don’t let this set you back too much. Do what you need to do and then take this as another hurdle in life you must cross.
And yes no matter how cheesy, cliche…whatever this will sound.Time will make it better.
Best Wishes.
~arachnid
Rosebud, Shayna gave the best advice possible. There’s nothing any of us can do or say to “make it all right”, but we can be here to listen, for hugs, or for whatever else you might need at the moment. My e-mail is always open. Avail yourself when you have the need.
{{{Rosebud}}}
I just want to let you guys know that I’m reading your replies, even if I’m not saying much. I can’t really think so straight right now but your kind words mean a lot, they really do.
Hon, believe us, we understand. Most, if not all, of us have been in similar situations… or at least in situations where the hurt is too great to make sense. Take the time you need, read the replies, but don’t feel compelled to answer them. Sometimes the best thing you can do is say nothing at all…
It’s okay to hurt and grieve and not reply to people. I understand; I’ve had my heart broken.
If you want to talk to a stranger who has had a lot of therapy for just this sort of thing, email me.
Don’t apologize or regret that you didn’t have the words to make everything okay. There are only scripts on stages or in front of cameras.
I don’t know you, but part of this is me.
Hey … I don’t think that’s a fair statement. If it’s not a pairing that’s working, then shouldn’t each person go and find someone else more suitable?
Given that I called it quits with slackergirl about a month ago, there’s a good chance that I’m feeling overly defensive and have no idea what I’m talking about. But your statement, I believe, smacks of “Boys are bad, boys are bad, boys are bad.”
Snooooopy, hon, please don’t be defensive about it. I made that statement because Rosebud said this…
It seems to me that right now he’s got some personal issues that make him incabable of being in a healthy relationship - because he apparently isn’t emotionally healthy himself. There’s no sin or blame in that - it’s just a fact. I’ve suffered from depression, myself. And when I was in that state I was not able to deal with being in a relationship, either.
Rosebud recognizes this, but my reminding her of that fact will be little comfort. That’s all I was trying to say.
Many of us have been there. I’ve been there a couple of times. It’s a pain that makes most other pain pale in comparison(while you’re in it). And all you can do is hold on to your ass till it passes. The good news is that it does pass, and rather quickly(although it will seem like forever). Till then, talk about it whenever you fell like it. Open threads like this one, make phone calls, keep a journal and write down what you’re feeling.
I’ve been so depressed about getting nowhere in relationships that I twice started seriously fantasizing about walking into the ocean. I know this can really, really suck.
As difficult as it may be to see or even want, there are other opportunities out there. And this too shall pass. As others have said, don’t let yourself sit around the house for a while. Get out. Make yourself think about other things. One of my professors got left by his wife once, and he said that having to teach classes was a great relief for a while.
If you have any married guy friends who can give you support and affirmation, I’d look them up. That would remove the awkwardness of them trying to move in for the kill, and you trying to move on too quickly to stop the pain. They can still make you feel cared for by men.
and it sounds like your ex has some serious issues of his own to resolve at this time in his life. I, too, have been on the receiving end of breakups, and it was very painful. I think there have been lots of good things said here already, and I don’t have a lot to add, except a hug.
////Rosebud\\
The funny part is I’m not crying nearly as much as I would like to be, it’s as if it just won’t come out. I don’t feel much of anything right now and I guess I’d rather not.
No bubble bath last night, Shayna, but I did try to curl up with a good book and not think about him for a while. Today I think I’ll go shopping or to a musuem or something-- not to spend money but just to get out. I don’t really feel like talking to any of my off-board friends right now, which is why the board is helping. I need interaction but I don’t want to have to keep up my end of a full conversation just yet, especially if it includes attacks on him.
I haven’t got anything to say except to let you know that I’m pulling for you. Everything’s probably pretty horrible for you at the moment - this awfulness will ease off eventually, I promise you. Take care of yourself in the meantime - reading is a really good thing to do to take your mind off everything and provide a little escape. Eat ice cream, cry if you want to, don’t if you don’t want to. Talk to friends. Don’t feel guilty about feeling bad - this is a loss like any other and you’ll get through it in your own way.
Things are bound to get better eventually. Whatever you do, remember to go out, do stuff - call up a friend, go out for dinner, go see a movie… something.
Learn from my mistake- if you shave your head, buy sappy movies, and get a tub of ice cream, make sure you also get a solid metal spoon. I used a cheap plastic spoon which snapped in the ice cream, and the sharp edge gouged my finger, so I bled all over the ice cream.
That did not improve my mood much, either.
but hey- on the cynically bitter side- at least you didn’t spend five thousand dollars on an engagement ring. (did you?)
Everyone is different so I can only speak for myself and what has helped me feel better.
For me, crying is very cleansing. If I have enough time alone to just bawl my eyes out, it seems to take away a lot of the hurt.
Some people may suggest a funny movie, but I have found that I start feeling worse. How can these people be having fun and how can the movie makers expect ME to laugh when I feel so goddamn shitty?!?!?! Rent the saddest video you can find and just bawl your eyes out until you have no more tears. Once your emotions are exhausted, exhaust your mind with a long letter written to your ex telling him everything you possible want to tell him, good and bad, as long as you don’t hold back. You don’t need to give it to him, just get your words out of your head and onto paper. Lastly, exhaust your body with a good physical workout until your muscles scream at you.
Talk to us here (my e-mail is shown below). When you are ready to talk to friends there, give them a call or meet them for coffee. Definitely no booze if you are going to be alone or with one or two friends. If you’re like me, this will just make things a lot worse.
However, (again, this is just me) getting yourself looking pretty hot and going out with a group of friends to a place where it is guaranteed that you will be hit on (a meat-market club maybe?) works wonders for the self-esteem and even though you wouldn’t give most, if not all the men in the club the time of day, it does give the ego a little boost at a time when it really needs it. Just don’t take any of these lounge lizards home with you - :::shiver::: - instead, go to a 3:00 a.m after-the-bars-close breakfast and then have an old-fashioned slumber party. You’ll feel much better in the morning waking up to friends.
