How long does it take? Any tips, advice?
It’s different for everybody. You might poke around some of the websites for grief/bereavement support - sorry, it’s getting late and I don’t have time to link to sites now. But really? The simplest answer:
Time.
Well, hon … depends on what kind of broken heart you have and how serious the relationship was.
If you’re heartbroken because someone died … I definitely can’t answer that because I’m dealing with that myself currently.
If you’re heartbroken due to a romantic breakup … depends on how long you were together. The only thing I can say with any type of certainty is you WILL be ok and you WILL love again. Seriously.
Whatever it is, hang in there. hugs
It usually takes around six months for the hurting to stop. Another six or so before you’re ready to truly move on.
If you spent a decade (give or take) together, it will likely take much longer, the likes of which I can’t comment on because I’ve never had such a long term relationship.
IME a long time. It took me three or four years to get over that last LTR with that wifely-thing. Like somebody said in “Last Detail,” once “he” gets out of jail, maybe he won’t even want it. Problem is, it took me that long (until maybe a year ago) to even consider letching I mean dating anyone else, and even now, I’m kind of indifferent to putting the effort into following up on phone numbers I get. I get more out of good conversation with women who are attractive to me than trying to actively pursue anyone. I am 35, though, and extremely busy, consumed with my own interests, and lazy, but I suspect with pretty high testosterone – if you’re much younger, you might bounce back quicker. Who knows? I spent literally a few solid years fantasizing about torturing my enemies, including that woman, and it was no good, obviously, but it was irresistable and satisfying. A bad way to be, but four or five years later, I rarely call my ex-wife-thing (I never drunk-dialed – just wanted to chat about how her piano and languages were coming along), and, frankly, don’t really care enough to think about her. Completely neutral.
A one year relationship… still very much in love. But being together is impossible.
first rejection - 2 years
first girlfriend - haven’t gotten over it
first FUBU - 3 months
first boyfriend - nah
FUBU ?
acronym for ?
thanks
you call it something else. a fuck buddy.
May I inquire why it’s “impossible” for two people in love to not be together? Do you mean temporarily/currently, or forever’n’ever?
What George Jones has to say about it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poueMAJjOxE
I’m not sure how true that is. It took me a year to get over a 1-year relationship. But a 7-year relationship? Took me about 3 weeks.
Depends on what kind of broken heart it is. I will assume it is a relationship that ended. The answer is unclear and different for everyone. I have broken up with someone and forgot about them in a few days. OTOH my high school girlfriend took years to get over and even though it has been twenty years I still think about her from time to time.
As mentioned above, you will love again and once you do the pain will fade. It is amazing how a new love will erase so much of the pain that you are feeling now.
I have been where you are and as much as you are hurting now, you will recover and it will get better. Hang in there and stay strong. The love of your life is just a moment away.
The simple answer is that it takes as long as it takes. It’s not a simple matter of how long the relationship lasted because the length of time doesn’t say much about the depth. The important thing is that you actually go through the grieving process and you address whatever issues the relationship and the grieving process brings up. Until you do that, you’ll pretty much be stuck in it for a while.
That all said, if you feel like it’s taking you longer than it should, that very well may be the case since you asked the question, you might need some help to get over whatever part you’re stuck on.
A friend of mine who is a mathematician developed an entire lecture on this subject. The basic point was that if you plot the romantic pleasure (not the physical pleasure) experienced in the relationship on a time/intensity graph up until the time of the ending of the relationship, you can then calculate the area under the curve as the total amount of pleasure accumulated. His theory is that to recover from this you need to experience the same quantity of pain/unpleasantness. In the case of a sudden bereavement, you would have intense pain immediately, which would taper off gradually over time. If it’s a gradual breakup, there would be an entirely different curve.
It made for a fun lecture; I don’t know enough higher math to know if the formulas worked; he claimed there was a formula similar to that for the charge on a capacitor, FWIW.
Another one here saying it varies.
For ogs sake don’t get into a rebound situation, give it time.
It helps to change your life actions, ie. go to different places, do different things as much as is possible, as you don’t want to be constantly reminded of your ex as in “This is where we used to etc.etc.”
You won’t think so at the moment but this COULD be a new and exciting beginning for you.
And get rid of anything that reminds you of her.
I once dated someone who gave me a really nice picture for Christmas. For some reason I never took it home, so she hung it on the wall across from her bed. I looked at that picture every time I was over there. After we broke up, she dropped off a few of my things, including that picture. She seemed a little hurt when I refused it, until I explained why it was the exact opposite of what might be a good thing to hang on my walls.
If it’s your first major 1 year long relationship, it’s gonna take a while if you’re anything like me. I dated someone for about a year and a half, and it took me about 2 years or so before I was really completely over it. I only really got over it after a lot of self reflection and introspection. I dated someone only for about 6 months and that took me almost a year to get over as well.
Do your best to try to learn from it, anything that you can. Try to take something away from the experience that you know will make you a better person in the future.
Hang in there and don’t be afraid to cry… that’s all I can say.
Another it depends.
I have had two leave me and left me utterly destroyed. You just need to drown yourself in friends and find someone who can do some of the things you did together. Not bedroom stuff but things like having someone to tell random ass things, funny stories, watching movies etc.
It may hurt forever, but in diminishing amounts.
Love is not safe. You choose to take your chances in order to experience being in love.
Knowing from experience that you really can survive this awful feeling enables you to go in a second (third, etc) time with a better idea of what the risks are but with a willingness to take those same chances.