How do you know when you're in love?

The definition may change relative to every person, but there must be some common signals. What are they?

You’re pretty sad if you can’t tell.

And why is this in GD?

Better GD than IMHO. I guess. Um.

Anyway, I explained it to a friend like this: I knew I was “in love” with my wife when two things happened: 1) I missed her when she wasn’t around, and 2) she made me want to be a better person. I honestly don’t think it gets any fancier than that. A big ol’ handful of lust makes things exciting, though, and damn but I lust after my woman! [drool]

Excuse me…

Not much to debate here, but I’d say it’s when you’re more concerned with someone else’s well-being than your own.

Thoughts of him (or her) intrude into every task at hand.

If male: Your eyes glow, your palms sweat, and your constant erection is firm enough to support a leather jacket.

If female: Your nipples flash morse code signals, your hair becomes more lustrous, and your crotch becomes more moist than Martha Stewart’s brownies.

Hastur - that’s lust!!

Love: you sort of fizz when you’re with the person, and ache when you’re away from them. You thrill to see them again. You feel this sort of deep, mateship thing.


If there isn’t lust, then what you have is only friendship.

When the 3 year old has thrown up all over your bed, the baby is crying in the middle of the night, you have had one hell of an argument with your wife at dinner, and you look at your wife and feel a tingle in your heart, you know you’re in love.

I’ve had lust and friendship with someone without being in love with them.

I’ve also felt lust for people I didn’t even like.

Love is both of those emotions, and yet still something more.

This reminds me of a quote from The Matrix when Neo goes to see the Oracle (I forget her name).

Oracle: You’re wondering if you’re The One.

Neo: Yes

Oracle: It’s not something you can ask. It’s like being in love. You just know it, balls to bones. *

I’ve also heard it described as caring for someone more than you care for yourself.

Sounds like all these posts are “feelings”. These emotions are the effects of being “in love”, but it’s not love itself. I don’t think love is a feeling. I really feel like that is why so many relationships fail these days. We look at the emotions of love as being love itself. And when those “in love” feelings fade, you’re stuck with this person you don’t know (sorry for the soapbox).

I would say that the best “sign” of love is making a decision to love that person daily and as a result putting that person first every day. I have found that letting that selfishness fade is the best way to grow my love and also have it recipricated.

Being in love is kind of like being The One. Nobody can tell you whether you are, or not. And, if you are, you just know it, balls to bone.

Now here, have a cookie, and don’t worry about the vase. By the time you’re done eating it you feel better. I promise.

When the person you think you’re in love with is completely different than the person you thought you’d be in love with.


From my manifesto:

You never ever get to be sure–that’s just life. Furthermore, even if you did get to be sure (you had a "love litmus test), it wouldn’t mean anything because you couldn’t be sure you were still in love a day, a week, a month, a year afterwords.

If I had to define love, I’d say it includes being willing to make hte easy sacrifices (dying) and the hard ones (still wiping shit off their asses two years after they’ve stoped recognizing you, and one year ofter you’ve realized that they never will again).

How do you know when it’s love?
I can’t tell you, ice. But I know it lasts forever
So then how does it feel when it’s love?
Look, it’s just something you feel together.

You know, when it’s love you look at every face in a crowd. Hey, some shine and some keep you guessin’. But you sit there and wait for someone to come into focus so they can teach you your final love lesson.

You know, when it’s love…nothing’s missing. You feel this thing forever. You just make it last forever. When it’s love.

I knew I was in love when I heard myself say things that amazed even me. I was amazed because these things came from a depth of compassion and selflessness I was unaware could be capable. When I found that no matter what the situation was, I could look over at him and be filled with peace. The love in my heart made everything better. It spread through my life and every interaction. I realized I am a better person because this door in my heart is now open and I have no choice, but to interact with people from a place of love and peace.

Of course I knew it was over when I had to put my own feelings aside in order to do what was best for me. I do not question the validity of true love any longer, years later love is still in my heart for this man, and I wish him nothing but happiness. I don’t regret a moment of time with him as he opened my heart and soul to this wonderful thing called love, but impossible to fully describe.

Simple. Your neck crest becomes erect and engorged with blood, your tail arches up and begins twitching, you become extremely aggressive and territorial when you see another male, and you give off strong pheremones making you attractive to the opposite sex.

Oh, wait…you’re human, aren’t you? Never mind.