I cannont eat a sandwich unless its made the following way.
The meat goes directly on the bottom piece of bread. No condoments, or cheese or lettuce yet. On top of the meat goes the cheese. The next layer is lettuce. On top of the lettuce any additional toppings. The top layer of bread gets the condiments.
I’ll accept little changes in this if someone else makes the sandwich.
Does anyone else have any strange quirks in their sandwiches, or am I just nuts?
quirk a) the mayonaise/peanut butter/jam/whatever must cover the entire slice of bread uniformly, no missing areas in the center or along the edge.
quirk b) sandwich must be cut diagonally. Except in the case of a half-sandwich, in which case, cutting vertically, preparing one half and putting other half on top is fine.
Order of contents is not critical for me.
Yes, other people do have quirks, but that doesn’t mean you’re not nuts.
Thanks 
My sandwich has to have condoments spread evenly on both sides of the bread, unless it is a sub-type of sandwich which has condoments only on the top. Lettuce, tomato, cheese, etc can go on in any order that doesn’t slide off easily.
If mayonnaise is used, it must come in contact with the TOMATO and/or LETTUCE side of the filling, NOT the meat and/or cheese side. Mustard touching the meat and/or cheese is okay, but mayo would be just gross.
Salt and pepper must be sprinkled directly onto the tomato slices. NOT onto the mayonnaised bread. However, if horseradish is employed, it must be smooshed uniformly into the mayonnaise.
Mimi Sheraton’s cookbook/memoir IN MY MOTHER’S KITCHEN contains a magnificent selection of Comfort Sandwiches, BTW. (And though the background is Brooklyn Jewish, her mom didn’t hesitate to spread butter on a chicken sandwich.)
First get Jeff Hardy and Stinky Paws in the same room at the same time…
“How to make a PB sandwich”
by Jeannie:
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You must use rye bread (with seeds). White is okay in a pinch. Wheat is unacceptable.
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The PB must be spread on both slices of bread. Jelly never, ever goes directly on the bread. This is non-negotiable.
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Jelly gets spread in a thin, even layer on top of the PB. The jelly should ideally be raspberry flavored. Strawberry is okay. Grape will do.
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The sanwich should be cut into four triangles. The crust may be removed, but isn’t necessary.
In regards to other sandwiches:
Turkey sandwiches should always be on rye (preferably dark rye). Ham goes on white bread. Swiss cheese goes on both of these types of sandwiches. Mustard and mayo should go on a turkey sandwich. Ham goes with mustard, but not mayo. Lettuce and tomato should not go on either of these.
So, yeah, I’m pretty low-maintenance when it comes to my lunch 
The proper turkey sandwich:
2 slices of dark rye(pumpernickel). Mayo on the bottom slice, mustard on the top. 1 mediam slice of onion, evenly distributed. 2 slices of swiss or jarsburg cheese. Turkey, naturally. Lettuce optional.
Real men do cut their sandwiches!
I’m not picky, but it usually goes something like this…
Bread, mustard, meat, cheese, top layer of bread. I often put the mustard on top of the meat, though. I used to have this thing against having the mustard in contact with the cheese, but I realized how dumb that was (it all gets smushed together anyway) and now I don’t care.
About the only thing that is important to me in sandwich construction is to keep anything that can make the bread soggy (tomato, thinner sauces) away from the bread, but I rarely put tomato or any sauces other than mustard and horseradish on a sandwich so it rarely comes up.
Put something between two slices of bread. I am real easy. Fat also. If I can’t make a sandwich out of it, I’ll put it in a bowl. Soup cannot be made into a sandwich. Learned that young.
The only way to make a sandwich is to have a boy band sing the directions.
I’m not a big sandwich eater, but when I do eat one, it’s usually my favorite one: a fried egg sandwich.
Directions:
[ul]
[li]Fry up one large egg in lots of butter, breaking up the yoke with a knife. Cook on both sides[/li][li]Spread large amounts of Miracle-Whip (not mayo, not some generic salad dressing: Miracle Whip!) on one side of the white, squooshy bread. No end pieces may be used.[/li][li]Place egg on dressing side, apply other piece of bread.[/li][li]Eat while hot.[/li][/ul]
Cripes! Now I’m hungrier than I was before!!
I’m not much of a sandwich man, but when I do, I go all out, thanks to a Simpsons episode where Homer drooled at a sandwich commercial. “We call it the Good Morning Burger. You’ll call it delicious.” I think it was from the ep where Otto moved in with the Simpsons, but I can’t confirm that…
…anyway. To create LNO’s space-age patented moon waffle Good Morning Burger:[ul][]Start with one pancake, approximately twelve inches in diameter.[]Layer a patty of pork sausage roughly 1/2 lb in weight.[]Add a layer of cheddar cheese.[]Add the other half pound of pork sausage.[]Add the second pancake.[]Add the layer of mozzarella cheese.[]Add a dozen scrambled eggs.[]Add a pound of bacon.[]Add a layer of monterey jack cheese.[]Add the third and final pancake.[]Brush with melted butter.[]Bake at 350 for 5 minutes to ensure thorough heating and melting.[]Slice down the middle, pick up one half (while pinching the edges to simulate a pita) and eat.[]Call 911 for an angioplasty.[/ul]I try not to eat more than one of these each year.
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salt and pepper definately need to be directly on the tomato and
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there can be no direct meat-to-bread contact without a layer of any adhesive condoment (horseradish, mustard, russian) or else the bottom bread of the sandwich could flop down. this is unacceptable.
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sprouts instead of iceburg whenever possible, white bread NEVER (never, of course with the exception of PB&J on white bread served with chocolate milk… the only meal you can eat directly before or after going swimming)