Your laws of sandwiches?

In My Humble Opinion
1

At least for me it’s like a law.
On my turkey I MUST have Mayo or Miracle Whip.

I never put mustard on turkey and I certainly don’t put ketchup.

I do put mustard on my Ham sandwiches, though,and only mustard. I don’t put mayo on it.
I do NOT put cheese on either. I don’t like cheese.

I put ketchup on my burgers, along with mustard and mayo. It’s the only sandwich I put all three condiments on. I also put pickles, lettuce, and tomatoes on. I also, if I’m in the mood, will put a SMALL slice of cheese.
On my hot dog I like Mustard and Ketchup together. That’s it. No mayo. Sometimes Relish but not so often. NEVER kraut; I’d rather put broken glass on it then that.
Chilli also goes good on a hot dog.

I also put mayo on my BLT. mmmmmmmmmmmm–mmmmmm.
Only Mayo goes on a tuna sandwich for me. But this is not so hard considering it’s already made with Mayo.

For any other sandwich, my rule is: When in doubt, mustard out.
Therefore I put mustard on my Balogna, Pastrami, Salami, Corned Beef, and

Okay. I told mine. Now comment on how you all agree with me since I have the best taste, and list all of yours. :wink:

2

Peanut butter and jelly:

  1. Should be made on 3 slices of rye bread.
  2. Should be made with crunchy peanut butter.
  3. Should be made with grape jelly.
  4. The peanut butter goes on the two “outside” pieces; the jelly goes on both sides of the 'inside" piece.
  5. The sandwich should be chilled when served.
3

I eat my sandwichs plain.

I eat my burgers and dogs plain.

If I eat peanut butter and jelly, the rule is peanut butter on one side of the bread and jelly on the other. DO NOT put jelly and peanut butter on the same side…it will taste icky.

I like mayo with my tuna. Sometimes I add relish and that suits me fine too.

4

I disagree with Knighted Vorpal Sword. The jelly MUST be Strawberry or Raspberry. Rye Bread is an excellent choice, but NEVER Wheat!

5

No liquid of any sort may come into contact with the bread at any time during the sandwich’s preparation, presentation or consumption (except for once it’s in my mouth). Soggy bread = gag reflex = no more sandwich.

6

Here is my rule on Sandwiches

I only like Meat and Cheese, mixing Cheeses (Swiss, Cheddar, Monterrey Jack, Provolone, etc.) - is a good thing. I mostly like Ham (Honey and Smoked )and/or if Salami is an option on a Sandwich. Sometimes I will put Mustard - either Grey Poupon, or Spicy Yellow or Honey Mustard, only on the Meat Side, Never on the Cheese side and I Never Ever Use Mayo or Ketchup. I like BBQ or Meatball, but with Cheese only. Hamburgers and Hotdogs, I like with Cheese only, Chili is good on Hotdogs. If I eat a Cheese-steak, I only have Cheese and Mushrooms. Veggies are Verbotten on Sandwiches.

7

No, see, rye bread is nastilicious on everything - especially on a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich. Ugh. Wheat is surprisingly not bad on a PB&J, though white generally makes a better choice.

Good white, that is. Homemade, or maybe Pepperidge Farm. Not that Wonder crap. I do like the idea of making it on three slices of bread and chilling it first, however.

8

Bread is Roman Meal or Wheat, and if PBJ - I only like Strawberry Jam and Crunchy Peanut Butter - Super or Extra is better.

9

Hot Dogs: Must have ketchup, mustard, and onions.

Turkey goes with mayo and ham goes with mustard.

10

Bread: must not be completely moldy. Little dots can be ok, you just cut those off.

Meat: should not be green.

cheese: likewise, but you can cut the green bits off and still eat the yellow bits.

-lv

11

Hot Dogs: Must be eaten in pairs. One has barbecue sauce, chopped onion and shredded cheddar cheese. The other has ketchup and dijon mustard.

English Muffins: Must also be eaten in pairs. Both, however are identical, with butter, peanut butter, and honey.

Sourdough must never be used in a sandwich under any circumstances.

12

Why have I not thought of this? Sheer brilliance. I have been enlightened.

13

A sammich, much like a Banzai tree, must be allowed to grow naturally. All these arbitrary rules destroy the essence of sammichness. The properly stocked fridge will be the pallet from which the artist creates the sandwich. But it must flow naturally as the ingrediants and sauces are noticed and applied.
However, if due to some horrible failure of the toxic-substances transportion and storage laws one encounters Miracle whip (aka Satan’s jizz) in the fridge, the proper agency should be contacted to destroy the fridge, and a new house should be purchased immediatly.

14

I only have One rule.

Never refer to a sandwich as a sammich.

15

Wheat bread.

Lightly toasted.

Crunchy peanut butter only.

Jam = homemade blackberry from my mother’s pantry. Mmmmmm.

The peanut butter and the jam are spread evenly from edge to edge. No bare spots, no thick or thin spots. Sloppy application of sandwich filling makes an unsatisfactory sandwich-eating experience. (If there’s anything about sandwich-making that I’m anal-retentive about, it’s this.)

The sandwich is not cut.

16

Hot dogs: NO KETCHUP, NEVEREVEREVER! Hate the stuff on anything but meatloaf (except, see below). Mustard and maybe some relish.

Meat loaf sandwich: Mayo only, maybe some crisp lettuce, salt & pepper

Peanut butter & anything: one slice of crappy soft white bread; peanut butter on half, stuff on the other; fold. Any other method allows the flavor to escape out the ends. Seriously. Try it and see if it doesn’t taste better this way.

All users of “Miracle Whip” must hang.

17

I firmly believe that when I eat a sandwich, the primary filling (the meat, the PB&J, whatever) should be the dominant flavor. So…

My sandwiches must be simple - to allow me to enjoy the slice of bologna without distraction. Meat, condiment (varies by sandwich), and maybe a thin slice of cheese.

With one exception, my sandwiches must be made on white bread. Whole wheat bread, particularly if it is the coarse, grainy variety (or as I call it, “birdseed bread”) has an unfortunate tendency to overwhelm the flavor of the filling. My position is that the bread is merely the vehicle that holds the sandwich together; if I want to taste the bread, I’ll have buttered toast instead. I also don’t care for the texture of most sourdoughs.

The only exception to the white bread rule is when the sandwich meat is corned beef or pastrami. In that case, I will make the sandwich in the tradtional, approved manner: on rye bread, with mustard. Corned beef and pastrami each have strong, distinctive flavors that defy attempts by the bread to mask them. And, in fact, rye bread’s flavor actually compliments the meat’s flavor in much the same way that graham crackers blend well with melted marshmallow and chocolate.

I will make most meat sandwiches with mayonaise or Miracle Whip (why does Miracle whip call itself “salad dressing”?) If I’m in the mood I will add mustard, but never to a turkey sandwich.

As far as cheese goes, a turkey sandwich will get Swiss, a roast beef or balogna sandwich will get American or cheddar, while a ham sandwich will get either.

And finally, because I’m an adult, catsup will never, nuder any circumstances, touch my hot dog:

Hot Dog Etiquette

18

This rule must be overturned. A sandwich only attains “sammich” status when it has reached perfection – when all ingredients work in harmony, are in balance, and (of course) have not come into contact with liquid. When a sandwich is so delicious and satisfying, it transcends being a mere sandwich and becomes… The Sammich.

19

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT SANDWICHES IS:

You hafta spread the condiment or peanut butter or jelly or whatever ALL the way to the edges.

Similarly, any thing you put on your sandwich (meat, cheese, onions, etc.) must be spread out EQUALLY over the bread.

It is a terrible, evil, sandwich sin to have all the stuff bunched up in the middle with nothing but plain bread at the edges. Yuck.

20

Count me as another one enlightened by Knighted Vorpal Sword’s triple play sammich. Unfortunately he screws it up with the bread and jelly choices. Only strawberry or raspberry is acceptable. Only smooth peanut butter (I used to be a crunchy man, but I got hit on the head, and ever since I am strictly smooth).

Hamburgers: Mustard (only yellow) and pickles only. Sesame seed buns. I’m okay with the people who want to put ketchup or mayo on a burger. Barbecue sauce is fine. Hey, it’s the differences in us that make life worth living. The best fast food burger of all time is the Roy Rogers Double R Bar Burger, which was a cheeseburger with ham.

Hot dogs: Mustard only. Maybe chili and cheese if you want to pretend to be the King of England or something. If you put ketchup on your dog, you should be cast out to wail and grind your teeth.

Ham: Again, mustard only. You may add cheese if you must. The best ham is the kind with the honey glazed crust.

Bologna: Plain. I find bologna to have a delicate taste that can easily be overwhelmed by condiments. Cheese is acceptable here.

Turkey: None of that pressed crap. Turkey must be sliced from the bird. Thick and unevenly sized slices. Mayo. If you have some stuffing hanging around, a dollop will do you. Gravy is good here too.

Roast Beast: Mayo only.

Any other sandwich is an abomination.