Earlier today, I had to go to the bathroom. Since I had a final this evening, I figured I might as well study while I’m on the throne While I am sitting there, I hear my mom shout from across the house. When I don’t respond (otherwise its a 5 minute dialogue of “I can’t hear you” said back and forth :rolleyes: ) she walks down the hallways near the bathroom.
Mom: Something’s wrong with the TV. I need you to fix it.
Incubus: Ok, give me…five minutes here. I’m kind of busy right now.
Mom: But this is important!
Incubus: More important than what I’m doing?! :rolleyes:
Mom: Please? There’s stupid narration going on when I’m watching my tv show.
Incubus: Is the radio on? Maybe some kind of interference?
Mom: I’m watching Law and Order. There’s some sort of narration going on for blind people. Its really annoying!
Incubus: chortling Why don’t you just mute the TV and turn on closed captioning?
Mom: What? No!
Incubus: Look, half the time you fall asleep in front of the TV after work in the afternoons anyway. I don’t see the problem here. You can enjoy the show while your eyes are shut.
Mom: Are you done yet? Get out here so I can smack you!
Incubus: In cartman voice I’m 24! I do what I want!
Yeah I was being an ass. But boy was it fun driving my mom nuts! Like I’m going to pinch off a loaf real quick just to look at a problem that can easily be fixed by having my mom watch TV in her room? I had studying to do!
I ignore my dad’s attempts to be helpful and snap at him when I do throw him a bone and it doesn’t work just like I knew it wouldn’t. Pisses him off like you wouldn’t believe.
Oooh, I saw the title to this thread and I cannot resist replying. How do I piss my parents off? Oh, let me count the ways.
Mom: Dare_devil, high school is very important. It’s extremely vital that you do well in high school. Yes, I know U of T isn’t going to look at your tenth grade marks, but it’s still very important…
Me: (Thinking: Okay, I’m going to tune out now…) <i>I distantly hear my mother talking until she says my name and asks me if I understand. I vaguely nod.</i>
Mom: Dare_Devil, you’re not listening! Do you think this is unimportant?! (She grows really red in the face, like she’s drunk. I imagine her as a clown with red face paint. I laugh.) Do you think this is funny?! DO YOU?! My God, where did I go wrong? You know, Dare_Devil, if I knew raising children was going to be this hard, I wouldn’t have had children. (Ouch, that hurt.)
Me: I see…
Mom: NO, YOU DON’T! You know what, you’re grounded!! Go to your room and stay there…
Me: Okay…sure…(I go to my room and read. Then, I do my homework, which I actually finish. Then, I listen to music and practise guitar. Then, I work a fair bit on my projects. When I realize I’ve actually done everything I planned to do, I go on Straightdope.com.)
The secret to pissing my parents off is not responding to their lectures and not arguing to what they say. For some reason, they have this need to get fired up everything, but they need me and/or my brother to start arguing with them first. Meh.
Saying annoying things about whatever New-Agey thing my mother’s into lately.
“How do you know this herbal tea cured your cold? In that length of time it could have gone away on its own.”
“Did you actually see the telekinetic woman bend the spoon?”
“Actually, you’re just noticing when the time/restaurant check/number of robins you see on the way to work/weekday divided by month plus pi happens to be your lucky number, and not noticing when it doesn’t.”
I dare to express an opinion. Double evil if it’s one she doesn’t share.
I’m not sure whether my mother had her sense of humor removed or never had one to begin with. No matter; keep all that funny crap away from her or suffer the consequences.
One time he and mom had taken a tour over most of the westers half of the US. They had the vacation time saved up, and they just loved it. Took the truck and camped out when they could. They had a cell phone and called me and my sister when they could to tell us they were still alive and having fun, and particularly where they were and where they were going afterward. They are pretty cool.
So my parents came home and dad was telling me and my sister about the mountains and the hiking and things they did. Then he asked my sister, “Did you follow where we went on the map?”
There’s no way my sister actually took out a map and charted out where my parents had been for the last month, so I wasn’t surprised when she kind of shrugged and said, “No, I’m sorry, I didn’t.”
Dad said, “Well, heck, we told you girls practically every night where we were and where we were going, and you didn’t even take the time to look at a map and see where we were. That’s too bad, I thought you were doing that. That’s why I told you, I wanted you to keep track for me.”
He shook his head sadly and turned to me. “So, Elysian, did you track us on the map?”
I thought about it for a split second and said firmly, “Yes.”
“Good, then, you must have seen…” Then he glared at me and said “You didn’t either. You little…”
Flat-out lying, blatantly with a smile on my face, will get my dad every time.
Ack! My mom is the same way. Very crackpot. (I’m a crackpot sometimes too, but there’s a limit, you know?)
She’s always waving some crackpot book in my face and saying, “But it’s in this book!” as if that settles it. I got this book and have started reading out loud from it and waving it in her face, saying, “But it’s in this book!” She doesn’t always see the humor in this, but I do.
While I am sitting there, I hear my mom shout from across the house. When I don’t respond (otherwise its a 5 minute dialogue of “I can’t hear you” said back and forth :rolleyes: ) she walks down the hallways near the bathroom.
