I know this is a bit juvenile, but then again, so is high school (apologies to Ferris Bueller).
Piss off mom! I got a B in my Diff. Pre-Cal class. she’s mad. why? this class if for teh brightest in the school. Unlike most classes, the grading scale is NOT inflated (there were about 5 A’s in the class). I worked damn hard, and got a B. I’m happy with that. I did my best, and i really tried hard. Why can’t you accept that? Yes, i could have spent more time studying. Instead, i chose to spend a good portion of that time working on the habitat for humanity house (damn me to hell! charitable works?!?!?!), with DECA (i’m going into business, i learn a lot of good things there), sports (helping to pay for college), the police advisory board, and the youth in action center. I suppose i could have raised my GPA a little (maybe a 4.3 instead of a 4.25), but i think being able to list those activities will look better to colleges than .05 on my GPA. So piss off mom, i’m not my sister, i’m not going to be a straight A student (close, but not quite), and i’m not going to make myself miserable by worrying about small stuff like this! That doesn’t mean i’m not a good kid, or that i won’t be successful.
i know you all probably couldn’t care less, but i feel better.
Hear, hear, Brother! My Dad is the same way, except I have to excel because my brother didn’t. My dad cannot see past his unrealistic goals for us long enough to see who we really are. Sad, really. Oh well, I’m proud of me, my fiance is proud of me, the rest of my family is proud of me. He can kiss my ass.
My mom used to pull the same thing on me. I’d come home with five A’s and she’d yell about the B. I’d come home with all A’s and she’d ask why some of them were A-'s (which does not even affect GPA in high school.
I am now studying at the school of my choice, doing what I love, and I couldn’t be happier, even if there are a few A-
s on my high school transcript =).
I found the whole concept of school (including college, the short time I was there) rather juvenile. I know more than most people, and almost all of it I learned on my own. I hate HATE HATE structured learning environments, but that’s probably more of my own fault than the rest of the world’s.
Finding a job without a degree is a pain in the ass, though.
I’m sorry if it seems like I’m preaching to you, but I’ve learned the hard way that letting resentment fester is not a good idea. I hope you’ve told your mother how this makes you feel.
Oh boy do I hear ya. I got A’s and B’s in school and while other kids were getting paid for grades as low as a C, my mom was scolding me “if you can get a B you can get an A”
Her reaction to my 4.0’s in college? “well I should hope so”
In elementary, A’s were expected. No fuss was made, no celebration, no “job well done!” just a “well, I would have expected as such”. Friends would get money for B’s and C’s, while I got not even recognition for A’s, and disdain for anything lower. So I got resentful about getting nothing for hard work while the other kids got so much for, well, middling effort. Since I got nothing for all my work, I stopped working. Saw no reason. Grades slipped all through highschool. Now I’m happy if I pass 75% of my college classes.
BOO-YAH!
I feel for you heyjoe, went through a lot of that myself. I’d get scolded for making a 96% on a test, my dad would say “Where’s the other 4%?” He says now that he was teasing me, but I was always a very sensitive child and damn, that hurt. And I never got much praise for straight As, ect., it was just expected of me. Now, I can see the wisdom of not over-praising a child, but damn, you got to let them know sometimes how proud you are of them.
I don’t know if you want advice, but if you want to listen to an ol’ biddy, try not to let this get to you. Easier said than done, I know. I worked myself into a frenzy trying to win my parents approval, then one day gave up and went completely in the opposite direction. Neither one was what was best for me.
And FWIW, I’m damned impressed with your school accomplishments.
One of the things that helped me get over the way my parent’s treated me was to understand why they treated me this way. In my parent’s case, I was the child they were least able to deal with, our personalities were/are so different that I have no doubt in my mind that we never would have been friends had we met under different circumstances.
I’m the oldest of three children and the most academically gifted (believe it or not :)); my parents were both middle children who were overshadowed by their older siblings. I think that in trying to avoid a situation were the younger children felt overshadowed by the oldest, they inadvertantly gave me the impression that I was not loved or valued.
While this situation truly sucked, understanding that it was my parent’s problem and not my problem made it a whole lot easier for me to deal with.
I hope this has been helpful, if not exactly pit-worthy.
Parents are funny, aren’t they? (Funny = strange, not funny = ha ha!)
Some parents don’t appear to give a rat’s ass about their kid’s academic progress, and the result is that the kid doesn’t care either, and the grades wind up either average or in the toilet.
Other parents, however, go to the other extreme: nothing’s good enough for them. That kind of pressure is unimaginable! You work your heart out for a B in a class, but it’s not good enough for your parents. That’s utterly demoralizing. Why do some parents think a B is a bad grade? It’s above average, after all!
Thank you, tatertot, it’s nice to feel appreciated
Your statement about your parents not being able to deal with you really makes sense. My parents are average to slightly above average intelligence, my sister and I are both geniuses. They have a tough time talking to us about serious issues because they get frustrated when we’re always a step ahead of them. I can understand why we don’t have as good of a relationship as other families. I’m also seeing why they can relate to me even less than my sister. They are all strongly christian, I am not. They’re all conservative and quiet. Again, I am not. They were the ones that never broke the rules (let alone tried to get them changed because they were unfair or stupid) in high school. I’m not like that.
hehe, funny i act as though this is a unique problem, but somehow, i think parents not relating with their teenage kids is fairly common.
Speaking as a parent, I think the hardest thing for us to accept is that our children are going to have their own personalities, strengths and desires whether we like it or not. How unfair, when all we wanted was a mini-me!
You’re right, parents and children (not just teens!) not seeing eye to eye is very common. The thing is, I’ve come to believe that it’s a necessary part of the growth process for both parents and children to realize that they do differ and hopefully, find a way to make peace with that. This doesn’t always happen, and I hate to say it, if your parents aren’t willing to take a step back and say “Hey, what’s going on here? What am I doing to contribute to this problem, and what can I do to help make it better?” then you are going to have to find a way to deal with that and accept them for what they are.
You sound like you’re a bright young adult with a promising future, so don’t let this get you too down, okay? And this sounds trite, but this will get better, especially if you find ways to avoid letting them push your buttons.
heyjoe, I feel your pain. Although my parents have gotten more reasonable as time goes on, my mom is still pushing me to be valedictorian this year and sometimes her pushing goes overboard. Then again, my mom can’t really relate to me. I’m the older child and she was the baby of her family, always getting coddled. Plus, I tend to retain things better than she does and in some ways am more intelligent than her. (However, I will acknowledge that in most things, she is wiser). My problems with my mom have always been with her baseless allegations (according to her, I might’ve used marijuana and acid, and I’ll probably end up pregnant out of wedlock).
That said, the best way to deal with this, I think, is to (calmly) sit down with your mom and tell her (gently) how she makes you feel.
If that doesn’t work, well…I think you’re doing an awesome job!
heyjoe - not to make light of your feelings, but I had a boyfriend ages ago who taught himself to read in Grade 8 because his parents and teachers hadn’t paid enough attention to notice he wasn’t able to read. Maybe it would help you to look at it from that point of view - at least she cares enough to pay attention. Even if the attention isn’t exactly the right kind. Just my opinion, of course.
I do appreciate the attention (most of the time). Overall, my parents are extremely generous. This is the pit; i posted this after a big arguemnt, that followed a day of bickering between us. I know it’s not a big deal the the big scheme of things, i just needed to vent. Thanks for listening (reading…whatever it’s supposed to be), and thanks for the advice. I do usually let small things like this slide, but i had just had too much for one day.
Glad to hear that this is just a passing thing with you and your mom, heyjoe. My family situation was kinda similar, but not really. I was the one pushing myself to excel. Parents were proud of me, but didn’t push. Didn’t praise much, either, though, because my brother was a chronic underachiever and they “didn’t want to make him feel bad” by making a big deal over me…sigh…
My parents behaved exactly the same way. Come home with one B, they would go off on me about slacking off, prohibit me from watching TV or playing computer games for awhile. Come home with no B’s and one low A, they’re still pissed. I had a few conversations with them about it, and they would always recite stats that some idiot journalist had published. “20% of all high school kids have straight A’s, so you should to.”
“Well at my school, I know the guy who’s number one in the class, and he doesn’t have straight A’s.”
“Nice weather today.”
By the way, you need a comma: “Piss off, mom!” I wouldn’t normally nitpick grammar, except here it’s confusing. With the comma, mom is the noun of address–you’re telling mom “Piss off!” Without the comma, “mom” becomes the object of the sentence. Sounds like you’re exhorting people to piss off your mom. Also, it should be Mom-capital-m because you’re referring to her by that name. But now I’m just being picky. I probably sound like your mom.
