I’ve always had trouble with motivation. Ever since I was a child (a long time ago), whether it’s exercise, housework, schoolwork, or work-work, I’ve tended to get distracted or discouraged and stop working very easily.
The most common advice I get is to give myself frequent rewards, but I’ve never been able to get this to work.
Let’s say I choose chocolate as a reward. As an adult, I can eat chocolate whenever I want! If I’m not eating chocolate right now, chances are I don’t really want some, and I end up feeling guilty and unsatisfied “rewarding” myself with something I like, but don’t really want.
On the other hand, if I really do want chocolate today, I’m probably already eating it! So I first have to deny myself something I want, which frustrates me and causes negative associations with the task I’m working on. Even if I accomplish my goal and give myslef the reward, I never associate the task with the reward, but with the earlier denial. I could have been enjoying chocolate all this time, I think to myself, if I hadn’t set this stupid goal!
The same goes for whatever the reward is–a trip to the movies, a new book, whatever. When it comes time to do a task the next time, I anticipate the negative feeling of denying myself something or of giving myself something I shouldn’t - I never anticipate the good feeling of accomplishing something and getting the reward.
I like to “upgrade” something that I might do anyways…
For example, if I’m using chocolate as a reward, I’ll go out and splurge on Godiva chocolate instead of the Pot of Gold that I usually get. Or I might go out for ice cream instead of grabbing the quart that’s in the freezer.
I have similar issues with motivation, although I tend to think in terms of procrastination (at which I’m an expert). The arbitrary reward thing rarely works for me, for much the same reasons you mention.
Although I’m still just working out how it works best for me, maybe my ideas will spark some for you. I am working on using a combination of mindfulness and cognitive behavioral techniques. The CB techniques are useful to get me to dispute the various rationalizations I have for procrastination.
The mindfulness is good in the “before”, “during” and “after” states. Before, it helps to counteract the idea that putting something off does anything more useful than denying the anxiety that develops from leaving something undone. Accepting and attending to that sensation tends to lessen it and bring my perspective of it closer to reality. During, I get to remind myself that, hey, this isn’t so bad, and is sometimes even kind of fun. After, well, there’s the reward. Paying attention to the sense of accomplishment, relief, and the specific benefits of whatever task it is all help to reinforce the behavior. And it’s not at all arbitrary.
Other than that, there are some NLP techniques that are supposed to be very good for getting yourself into a motivated state, but I haven’t gotten around to learning those yet. One of these days…
That’s a great answer, Orr, G. Do you have more information on the mindfulness and CB techniques you use? I’m familiar with both concepts, but not enough to start practicing them right away, especially the CB. Is there a book or a website you found helpful?
“I want chocolate.”
“Yeah, ok. But instead of getting it now, get it when you’ve finished writing this document. Once you’ve finished the document, you can get chocolate.”
“Ok.” writes furiously
Works particularly well for leaving early on Fridays. It’s common enough that nobody will blink if I do it, but there’s two possible risks:
leaving without having done an acceptable amount of work. The work will be still there on Monday, I will be in a rush and I won’t remember what the heck it was about.
looking at the ceiling… doing a bit… checking the Dope… looking at the document and then going to check email… I will leave when the work is done but not any earlier than usual, it will take me forever to get home (Friday rush hour is specially bad hereabouts) and I’ll be cranky.
By giving me permission to do what I want after I’ve done what I must, I achieve both ends!
I’m 41 years old and think I pretty much bypassed “rewarding” myself some time ago. I agree with the OP about the “if I want it, I will have it because I’m an adult and I can” idea.
My “rewards”–if that’s what you want to call them–tend to be internal, rather than external. When I’m faced with something I don’t particularly want to do (writing a press release, for example), it’s easier for me to simply do it and get it over with, rather than dragging out and avoiding it and having it hang over my head. My reward? Knowing that it is done and over and that I no longer have it hanging around. I dislike the feeling of impending doom more than doing it.
On edit…I do “celebrate” little things though, but they’re good thing rather than rewards. Okay…maybe the same langage, or maybe just an excuse to go out to eat.
Cites are not my strong suit, as I’m more of a “gist of things” guy, and often forget where I learned stuff. But here’s what I am able to dredge up:
For mindfulness, I can recommend this book in particular, although most discussions of the subject should provide a decent starting point. You’ll get more out of practicing it than reading about it once you’ve got the idea.
I have trouble with motivation, too. Personally, it helps me to remember why I’m doing the task, and let that end result be my reward. I might find the task itself unpleasant, but in the end I’m doing it to get something I want, whether that’s a paycheck, a clean house, a college degree or something else. This might not work for you if you’re an instant-gratification sort of person, though.
I just don’t think chocolate and other small rewards are the best way to motivate yourself. As you said, you can have chocolate regardless of whether you complete your task. But if the “reward” is something that is actually dependent on getting the work done, i.e. the reason you’re doing it in the first place, it can be a powerful motivator (depending on how badly you want or need the end result).
I struggle with motivation too. I’ve gotten into a cycle at work of letting the bad jobs pile up until the psychological pressure has me absolutely miserable, then I do the work. Sometimes, especially with problems that turn out solved after a five-minute phone call, I realize I’ve been suffering for days over something that’s really not very scary.
One thing I’ve been doing is keeping a to-do list, which I change and email to myself every day. When I do something, I get to take it off the list, and that feels good. (Also, I don’t forget about all the shit I’m procrastinating on).
Sometimes when I just can’t work, I say to myself, okay, I’m going to work for ten minutes and that’s it. Many times it gets me started and I can go on. Other times…well, at least I worked for ten minutes.
The single best thing I’ve found to help me is this: I begin the work first thing in the morning, no chatting, no email, no coffee. It sets a tone for the day. Also, I get a lot done while other people are still in their settling-in mode. Yesterday, I felt a little down and I wanted to start the morning with some light fucking-off, but I knew the only thing that would cure me would be getting a bunch of stuff done. And it worked! (Now this morning, I freely admit, I blew it and that’s why I’m in here talking to you right now).
Not being disrespectful at all but, have you considered checking if you have ADD?
The symtoms you talk about are very simialar to a person who might have this (which, by the way, includes me).
I am aware that ADD is one of those diagnostics that is easily made and can often be used as an excuse for people who just don´t even try to concentrate. At the same time, some people really have it, and there are all types of ranges for ADD, from very mild to extreme. When I got mine confirmed, the meds they gave me, plus all the extra information really helped me out in terms of concentration *and *motivation.