This’ll work, just don’t forget about liaison ;).
Especially not under romantic circumstances, eh? 
I can’t believe nobody has suggested these:
Go to Hell, Frog.
or
Piss-e-vous off, mother fock-air
Well thanks everyone for all the input – I especially like Glenoled’s suggestion - Frenchmen are supposed to be the best lovers, no? Oh, and Sofa King - good one – I’ll keep that in mind in case one of them gets smart with me.
You have of reason.
So it is a double helix. Big deal.
Watashi wa, huransu-go o, hanashimasen.
Oops, that was Japanese. Lemme try again.
No hablo francais.
Oops.
Oh well
“Do or do not; there is no try” - Yoda
SofaKing, go look up who financed the American Revolution before tossing off the usual francophobe jive.
Does that come before World Wars I, II, and Vietnam?
Go Sofa King! I don’t have anything against the French – except that they do seem to lack a spine whenever we need their help dealing with the baddies (e.g., not letting us use their air space to bomb Libya??? Christ!) Actually, I don’t have anything against them - I have no personal experience. I have a friend who visited France recently – she reported that every Frenchman/woman she met was nice and seemed to like Americans. Oh well…I’d always heard the French hated Americans and were snotty to everyone. I wonder if the French really are offended by “frog”(or “froggy”). After all, they do love frog legs, right? I wouldn’t be offended if they called me hamburger.
If I recall correctly, the French word for “frog” is also a euphemism for “staple remover.” No doubt some of the ill will generated between the two nations comes from the confusion that results from one being derisively fingered as an office supply.
I can’t help wondering what the French call Americans. LaserJet Series IIs?
Well Sofa King if I get another ICQ message from a froggy and he speaks English, I’ll ask about it and post the results on the SDMB.
(“I don’t speak French.”)
<<Je ne parle pas français.>>
“Zhuh nuh parl pa frahnsay” more or less.
And your mispronunciations will only help get the message across.
(“Would you sleep with me?”)
<<Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?>>
“Voolay-voo kooshay avek mwa?”
Yep, spoken French is an ugly language, but it seems to work for them. Not that this line will work for you. 
“In my nightmares I am chased by algorithms”–crewman Celes, ST:V
Don’t forget the phrases “Fou-moi la paix!” or “Va tu faire foutre!” These phrases will show the French person that you are talking to that you are knowledgeable about French culture, and can dramatically help diplomacy.
(Oh, I’m evil on so many levels…)
SanibelMan - My Homepage
I can only please one person per day.
Today is not your day.
Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.
Oh I think that line will work with any man, fool. How about a translation, Sanibel? I’m printing this thread so I’ll have all these French phrases handy.
San,
Those last 2 suggestions are only applicable in France. Do not use them in Montreal.
Ook.
Having married into a largely unilingual French family, I have learned that the French seem very content with very little in the way of responses from their conversational counterparts. Nodding scores big points, almost as many as gesticulating wildly with your hands. The true key to succes lies in the occasional two-word interjection. These tidbits apparently act as prompts for further monologue on the part of the speaker. These prompts are…
“Mais oui…?”
“Mais non…?”
“Bien sur!”
“Voyons donc…”
“Quel onte!”
“C’est beaux”
Remarkably, any and all work at any time and are interchangeable. With this sage advice and some practicing facial expressions in front of the mirror, you too can be bilingual…
Thank me later…bien sur!