Hey all,
I need to know some good french phrases to say in french well in bed with someone. Don’t ask why. I know very little french, so I would appreciate the help. Thanks in advance. Wish me luck 
Tu as une belle chatte.
Je voudrais te baiser.
(I’m not French, but back in high school, if I’m correct, these were always good for a laugh).
Sorry, I should have been more clear. I want lovey sweet things to say and what they mean.
“Mon aéroglisseur est plein des anguilles.”
Well, you can never go wrong with “Je t’aime” (“I love you”)
You don’t want to be telling a bunch of one night flings that you love them, and filling their little French hearts with false hope. “Cigarette” is a French word, isn’t it?
Of course, half the time it will result in a punch in the face, but the other half…hoo boy!
There’s always the classic “vos lobes d’oreilles sont comme tetes de poisson.”.
If you’re with a guy, I suspect “J’ai perdu mes dents” would be greeted with enthusiasm.
It would help to know whether the object of your affections is from France, Quebec, Belgium, etc.
So, you’re the one from that Google ad during the Super Bowl, right?
You could always burst into song with “Non, je ne regrette rien”.
I asked my girlfriend (who is French), and we came up with some phrases. If you’re looking for something different, perhaps you could post some examples of the kinds of things you’d like to say?
“Je t’aime mon amour” = “I love you, my love”
“oh oui, encore” = “oh yes, again”
“tu es magnifique” = “you’re wonderful”
“c’est si bon” = “that’s so good”
“Tu es très jolie” = “You are very beautiful”
“Je pourrais me noyer dans tes yeux” = “I could drown in your eyes”
“embrasse-moi” = “kiss me”
“J’aime quand tu fais ça” = “I like it when you do that”
“Je te veux tellement” = “I want you so much”
Tu as été merveilleuse, mon petit chou. - You were wonderful, my little cabbage. It’s OK to call her a cabbage!
Va-te faire enculer avec un chameau dans la tente du bédouin.
I think chou in this context means a pastry, as in ‘my little cream puff’
Hope this quick French lesson helps. 
I would much appreciate an English translation for the French phrases used here. My thanks to those who have already done so.
In the book “Merde!: The Real French You Were Never Taught at School” there is a chapter on “The weighty matters of love and sex”
For *“Mon aéroglisseur est plein des anguilles.” * you should think Monty Python and Hungarian. 