How do you sign a breast?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Last night I went to a bar with a friend for karaoke. The place is full of people from the nearby university and I find it fun to go there. I’m 33 but many of my friends are in their mid 20’s so I am comfortable in these places.

I had just finished my 4th song of the night and was heading to grab my soda when the following happend.

I passed this woman who was talking with a guy. I don’t know if she was “with him” or not. She stopped me and told me that I did a great job and she wants me to sign her breast but she didn’t have a pen.

With a smile I reached into my back pocket and pulled out a pen semi-jokingly. She was dressed in jeans and a low cut top that exposed the tops of both breasts. I would say they were slightly larger than a handful and she not wearing a bra.

I asked her what did she want me to write and she responded with anything. So I was just going to sign my name although I was thinking why she would want that I have no idea.

I started wondering if I should

  1. Just lean over and sign it with my name
  2. Sign my phone number
  3. Hi Opal
  4. Support her breast with my other hand while writing on it
  5. Put the pen back in my pocket and take out my Sharpie then do 1 or 2

I decided that if she was “with” the guy he was ok with my doing it because he didn’t tell me no, but I also decided I did not have permission to do anything but sign it so I leaned over and signed just my name (well more of a scribble) with the pen.

I did not ask her for her number because well I was more interested in some of the other women there and I wouldn’t want to be with someone who asks a total stranger to write on her (double standard)

So women dopers, while I know you have more class than her, please instruct me on the right way to sign a breast.

2

This is slightly off topic. Do you always go to bars with pens and sharpies in your pocket?

3

At least you know she wasn’t planning on selling your autograph on eBay.

4

The real question is “Do you write uphill or downhill?”

5

Why use a pen when you can use finger paint?

6

I can honestly say that I have never been asked to autograph a tit. You must be one hell of a singer!

7

The answer, obviously, is number 4.

Any question about boobs, initiated by the woman, and that contains the option of holding said boob, should be answered by holding/fondling said boob.

I think that’s like a county ordinance or something.

8

Combination of 3 and 4 for sure.

9

SWAK. :stuck_out_tongue:

10

How do you sign a breast? With a felt tit pen, of course.

11

Brr-ump-bump.

12

I forgot I had a sharpie in there but I try to keep a pen on me because you never know when one is needed.

13

I was once playing in a bar and when I went to get a drink, a very cute girl said she liked my voice. I was flattered, and after a bit of banter, for some reason I said “remove your shirt, trust me, I’m a doctor”. And she did! She was wearing a little tanktop underneath, so nothing too revealing, but the whole thing made my night.

14

downhill

15

Tell her that what you have to write is so astonishing, that you need access to the whole surface of both breasts to properly contain it.

16

You write, “Thanks for the mammaries.”

17

All I can say is don’t use a penknife.

18

Ask if she’d like it to be Sanskrit… but mumble.

19

How do you sign a breast?

Slowly, and with your full name.

20

Easy for you - two 'O’s in Robot.