I missed a bet by referring to “candid” instead of candida discussion. 
I think there’s a bit of a difference in seeming to reject a romantic overture on the basis of what could be perceived as a personal hygiene issue, as opposed to risking a conventional friendship. The former would likely be more devastating.
More from Steven Novella on the subject of imaginary Candida plagues.
I think you are right to try. I hope you report back on how it went and also what you said and under what circumstances. We can all learn from your experience!
Buy her a citrus-y perfume set. Ask her on a date, tell her you have a dream-date scenario where the girl smells like lemons or grapefruits. And you think maybe she is the girl in your dream, so she must smell like that for the evening.
And, bring a tin of altoids.
Keep the relationship on the current trajectory. Eventually, you will get to the point where you openly fart around each other. From there you can talk about anything.
Just tell her directly. Not rudely, but still, directly.
I agree - ANY level or ANY kind of indirection is very likely to fail in several ways.
I see that simple homer is going for it, so good job.
Really though, all the advice for dancing around the subject and throwing hints everywhere…how many of you would really get offended if someone came up to you and said, “I’m really sorry. I don’t know if you know, but your body odor is really strong. It’s been that way for a while.” I wouldn’t be angry at the person telling me if they did it politely and acted like they didn’t want to bring it up, but had to. If anything, I would only get angry that nobody told me sooner. I know there are crazy people out there, but I don’t think bringing up stuff like this should be treated as some sort of social taboo. Literally, as a 13 year old kid I was one of those people that thought deodorant wasn’t that necessary. Someone told me politely that they could smell my armpits, and I realized: oh, it IS necessary. And from then on I made sure to use the deodorant every day because I didn’t want to smell. It’s that easy (at least with people who are not crazy!)
“Hey, Janet, are you free this weekend? I’ve got two tickets to the mouthwash convention. I think you should use both of them.”
That really is funny, when you already know the context. But Janet doesn’t know the context! Janet now thinks you have an odd penchant for off-the-wall nonsensical jokes that don’t apply to reality.
So you think the problem is that Simple Homer’s lady friend has just never had anyone explain simple hygiene to her?
Simple Homer, is your lady friend in middle school?
I used to get bad breath whenever I got any kind of infection in my throat or sinuses, even a very mild one. My husband described it as “mildewy.” Totally went away when I had my tonsils and adenoids out, possibly because I got no more of the huge tonsil stones I got daily any time I was sick, and also, I was sick a LOT less.
Another time, I was taking a medicine for something, and it gave me dry mouth. I don’t know if I had bad breath, but I had a *terrible *taste in my mouth. I kept a bag of cheap sugar-free hard candies, and they kept my mouth moist. After a few months, I was done with the medicine.
Some women are among the minority who actually need to occasionally use a vinegar and water douche.
Here’s what happens. Yeast likes a basic environment, like 7.5. Most vaginas are around a pH of 6, slightly acidic. Blood, however (and thereby, endometrium) is basic, so during your period, your vagina is basic, but the constant flow outward of the endometrium keeps yeast from getting a foothold. The danger time is the very end of your period, when the flow stops, and just a little blood and neutral mucous lingers. Most women, with a 6, or even 5.5 vagina, don’t have problems. However, some women have a natural vaginal pH of more like 6.5. Problem. The last of the endometrium tips them into yeast-friendly territory, and so they get constant infections after their periods. Some of them can even develop strains that are resistant to OTC yeast infection medicines. The solution (pun intended) is a vinegar and water douche at the end of their period. Get the last of the endometrium out, and get the vaginal pH to an unfriendly (to yeast) 6.
She may know she is harboring something, and doesn’t know how to get rid of it. What she may not know it that other people can smell it.
If she is past menopausal age, then he vaginal pH may have risen to a yeast friendly level, which happens to lots of women around menopause. The solution can still be douching. Just something like once or twice a week.
I don’t know how you delicately broach the subject of yeast infections. You really might need to get her female best friend to do so.
But the breath you can do.
You can find out if she has ever been told she should have her tonsils and adenoids out and not done it, and then you can go on about how that happened to a cousin or friend of yours, and her live was changed for the better (seriously, I’d be happy to tell you all the many ways my life is better, and how I would do it again). You can find out if she has dental work, like a partial plate. Sometimes those don’t fit well, and bacteria grows, or people don’t clean them well, and they stink. Or maybe she does have a rotten tooth in the back that need a root canal.
Or maybe there is just a food she shouldn’t eat. My husband stinks I he eats garlic, like, I’m sleeping on the futon, if he eats enough. When he was a vegan, the man had no body odor whatsoever, and didn’t even use deodorant. After he started eating dairy and eggs again, he started having this reaction to garlic. I’ve smelled it on people before, but not one I had to sleep next to before.
The Candida is possible too. It could account for all the problems. She could have it in both places. But this does suggest she might be immunocompromised. She could be a transplant recipient, a cancer patient, or have HIV. Or just have been born with a weak immune system.
You have a lot of trouble-shooting to do.
You work with this woman? Maybe you could get HR to approach her, not in a threatening way, but in a “if you want to get promoted, let’s work on this,” way.
Good luck. Whether you go out with her or not, you will improve her life.
You may have missed where I posted this above, but yeast infections don’t cause a smell. Also, douche is irritating to both a vagina and the urethra, and is unnecessary unless prescribed. Douching can make an issue worse. Perfumed water may make a woman’s peri-vaginal area smell pretty for a brief amount of time but has no value (aside from the for-profit companies that sell them and push women to be ashamed of their body having any smell so they can cash in).
Come on, are you convinced every single person out there who smells knows that they smell and are choosing to be that way? No. I have a friend who my husband and I used to only see every now and then. Now we live in the same city and he comes over to hang out at least once a week. Now that we see him all the time, we noticed that he didn’t smell great sometimes and let him know. He said, “Wow, really? I guess I have to shower after work too in that case.”
It’s really that simple. Not everyone knows they stink, and a lot of them DO want to do something about it, if only they knew.
Seriously, just come out with it. Don’t include the supposition that a yeast infection causes the body odor, just let her know that her breath is bad and she needs to shower after exercising. If it does turn out that she has a hissy fit rather than just being embarrassed but grateful and addressing the issue, then you’ll know you dodged a bullet.
If you can’t talk about this stuff now,you’ll never be able to, and no relationship would work out anyway.
Yeast infections can cause a smell depending on your hygiene habits. I was in a barracks with 60 women, and I’ve experienced it. And I got taken to the wall once for going on that exact tirade about how douches aren’t necessary, etc., etc., just a way of making money for companies, and a woman told me that she regularly got a yeast infection after her period every month, until her doctor recommended a simple vinegar and distilled water douche (no perfumes, nothing but pure vinegar, and distilled water), and the yeast infections stopped.
Yes, things like feminine deodorant sprays are a waste of money and an irritant, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about a condition a minority of women have that makes them especially vulnerable to yeast infections.
How to tell her? Well, a face to face conversation would be the most effective but I understand how awkward this would be. Have you considered writing her an anonymous letter posing as a friend, neighbor or coworker outlining the issues you have noticed? You may wish to phrase the letter in such a way that the writer was trying not to embarrass her with a in person conversation and you may wish to add that the writer simply did not have the courage to do so and add something like, “If it were me, I would want to know”, or a similar phrase. The letter should come across as caring as opposed to critical.
If there is no change in the near future, you have to decide either to live with it or find someone else.
If you do tell, please report back to us and let us know what happens.
In threads like this one, I always wish someone who has experience being called out on personal stinkiness would chime in with their story. Sure seems like everyone has had experience with at least one stinky person, and yet no one ever talks about being stinky themselves.
The Mayo Clinic link says, “Chlamydia and gonorrhea infections usually don’t cause vaginal odors. Neither do yeast infections.” To me, that says that, in the opinion of the Mayo Clinic, yeast infections don’t usually cause vaginal odors.
I know from experience that yeast infections do, in some instances at least, cause vaginal odor. It’s a very distinctive odor. It smells, well, yeasty.
And the woman will be extremely embarassed since every time she will see a friend, relative, coworker, etc…she’ll wonder if he’s the person who sent her the anonymous mail about her body odor. Doesn’t sound like a good idea to me.
Again, people really cannot smell their own smell well. Seriously. It’s physiologic. Constant stimulation downregulates the response.
Most who stink have no idea they stink unless someone tells them. And then they will likely not believe it because it conflicts with what they smell themselves.
Odds are some of us posting here stink and no one has told us …