The question is pretty much in the title, but to clarify, I’m not talking about temporary onion breath or something like that. I’m talking about the smell that seems to come with a bad tooth or bad innards or I don’t know what. The kind of smell that you would think the person would be aware of themselves, cause it’s that bad.
How can you tell that person that they stink really bad? Without hurting their feelings?
Any ideas?
Thanks for your suggestions.
No. But, if you don’t know the person really well, and don’t mind hurting their feelings a little for the greater good, the rest of us, including him, will appreciate it for the rest of their lives.
You can try offering them gum and the like but IME these people never get the hint. Usually it won’t help anyway. That kind of bad breath comes from bacterial growth, and comes from deeper than the mouth.
Pretty much what Anaamika said. There’s no tactful way to do it, but if you can get away with being somewhat untactful in this situation, the person might appreciate it in the long run.
A delicate situation, to be sure. Like you, I hate to offend anyone but sometimes the need becomes so dire there’s simply no alternative. This has happened twice, both times in the office and both times with persons that had immigrated from a certain country, so here it was cultural. It was though beyond just an annoyance, it was literally stop you in your tracks, eye wateringly awful.
In both situations I first sent an email to all of our team reminding them of the importance of personal grooming and hygeine, specificully mentioning oral hygeine, the brushing of teeth and use of mouthwash. Unfortunately, whatever change in habit that might have precipitated was fleeting and a second mention, this time discreet but straightforward and personal was required.
It’s a shame that that’s ever necessary and it’s no fun when you have to be the one to rectify the situation but you’re absolutely doing them and every person they come in contact with thereafter a real service.
Yeah, the one guy I knew was an immigrant from Russia. Cute as hell, so goodlooking, but he’d open his mouth and drop you from twenty paces. ugh.
You could act sort of surprised, like you haven’t noticed their breath before, but just now it really, really stinks. I don’t think people mind quite as much if you act like it’s something that just started.
You can try to put it more or less delicately (“sorry to mention this, but you really need to brush your teeth…” vs “DUDE YOUR BREATH STINKS!”), but you can’t be subtle.
The people to whom I’ve had to mention it did not notice it at all, even by the method of blowing on their curved palm so they’d be able to smell it. I think some of the stink-o-gases must be mildly anesthetic. Response from one of them: “:smack: oh shit, so that’s why my wife has been saying pushing me away any time I tried to kiss her since last Saturday!”… riiiight… now go brush before I kick you out of the house… (he hadn’t been brushing his teeth because his throat hurt, but curiously enough brushing your teeth helps fight throat infections)
You make a face like this kitty makes. Not tactful, but it does get the point across.
Discrete anonymous note. Spares you the uncomfortable situation, saves him embarrassment of being confronted about it face to face.
If you’re the boss, you can line them up and say “everyone whose breath doesn’t smell like rancid cat shit, take one step forward. Not so fast, ________!”
“I’m going to tell you this, because it’s something that I’d want someone to tell me. I’ve noticed that sometimes your breath smells really strong, maybe you could use some mints or something? Anyway, back to what it was we were talking about…”
I honestly believe that the least embarrassing way to address this is to be harsh/half jokey. This is how my best friend and I deal with stuff like this.
“Oh. My. God. You are killing me. Whatever onion sandwich you ate today, please don’t ever eat another one without a mint handy! haa! Seriously dude.”
This gives the offendor the option to joke back, “Whatever dude! Screw you! Seriously though, you got some gum?”
Of course, you pull this stunt in private.
nm
They don’t get it. Trust me. Note it’s your best friend. This method only works with friends. I tried being jokey, and they just don’t get it.
Moving to IMHO, where I await more opinions with bated breath.
Since you yourself mentioned concern about an infection, why not go the medical route? “You know, I’ve noticed that your breath seems to be really bad lately. I think you might have some kind of infection [here you can insert a story about ‘this person I read’ about who had an abscessed tooth or something that caused really bad breath]. I really think you ought to get it checked out.” That way you’ve alerted the person without directly questioning their personal hygiene.
I have always just told them, quietly and away from other people. I know I would want someone to tell me, but there is no need to make it public. If it’s that bad, people already know…
There’s an old etiquette rule that “Whenever anybody offers you a breath mint, take it. They might be trying to tell you something.”
If you have any breath mints you could offer them one. If they decline, perhaps “Are you sure?”. If they decline again, “Your breath stinks. Take the mint.”
“Ok, ok, have a cookie. There was a mint in there.”
The variation I heard (in some sitcom):
First person: “Breath mint” (offering one)
Second person: “No thanks”
First person: “I wasn’t asking”