I was talking to my roommate today. There are religious extremists who come to the university and sit around with signs talking about how important religion is, and implying that most of us were on the wrong path to life. My roommate said he agreed to a degree because he felt that his life wasn’t really changing anything or mattering to anyone, that he wasn’t making meaningful changes in other people’s lives. I told him that that was normal for people in our age group and it made me realize that cults try to prey on people like him, people who are unsure of their place in the world and really want to feel they are making a difference or that they’ve discovered a central truth to life.
So what do you do to try to have a meaningful life, to have a positive, meaningful impact on other people? Does that urge ever go away, is it just college age growing pains and eventually you settle into a pattern or does it follow a person through life? What did you find that actually helped with the situation. Charity work doesn’t do anything for me because I feel like I’m just doing a $6/hr job and not getting paid for it. I want to go into scientific research because for several reasons I think scientific achievement is the most noble, philantropic pursuit humans are capable of. Aside from that I just try to be a reasonably good person. I have no idea what I can do beyond that.
Will you leave the planet better than you found it? …No, there is no textbook with a glossary in the back to define ‘better’. Still, what if more of us managed to do so in different ways? We’d be bound to get something right.
Me, I like to believe that my chosen profession will allow me to do so. Me, I do little charity things because that’s another angle on it. I donate blood for the same reason. I’m not sure I understand your point about $6/hour - no, it’s not enough to live on, so I’ve got a day job that pays more than that.
Why bother to leave the planet better? I mean, it’s not like posterity will ever do anything for us. Answer: I can’t explain, other than that it just seems good.
Beyond that, there’s the currently favorite “Shit, what a ride!” quote. Beyond that, there’s the chance to love and be loved. I’ve done both, and either experience is worth a lot of pain, if that so happens to be the price.
Yes, I have religious beliefs, but I don’t wish to offend the non-religious by offering them where they’re not wanted.
I do do scientific research and still do charity work. We always got by growing up and one of the few good things that my parents instilled in me was that doing things for others was important, but that comes in all flavors. From doing charity work, to donating blood, to being willing to help a classmate that’s confused, it’s all good. Good deeds are repaid, in this life, if not in the next.
I first ask: what is meaningful to me? The answer is: my close friends and family. So I try to be there for them, listen to them, be empathetic, help them if I can and generally be kind and supportive to them. I know it is small but then so am I in an infinite Universe.
I don’t live a ‘meaningful life’ via religion (I do believe that trying to do good things is the way to go, though. I like keeping ‘good karma’ around me, if I can) of any type, but I DO do things for my family and friends quite often. I take care of my 90 year old grandmother, who is driving me TOTALLY batshit, my mother isn’t in the best of health and I do many things for her. I clean both of their houses, I cook some meals for my grandma, I take care of all their bills and bank accounts, I take them where they need/want to go, and I do things that they need/want done. I also do these things for my friends, if they need it done. This, in in addition to my OWN home and family! I do lots of work with animal rescue, too.
I think that is meaningful enough. For me, anyway.
I teach, and more or less all my meaningfulness comes from that. The actual teaching is a big part of that, but so is the mentoring–the hand-holding, the pep talks, the cheerleading. We have a real sense of community at my school, and I think that by being part of if–going to games and concerts, sponsoring clubs, coaching activities–I’m helping people transition from childhood to adulthood.
What’s great, though, is that all this is really freaking fun.
The urge doesn’t go away, but most people successfully supress it. Since you’re just starting out in life, I’ll tell you that I’ve known several people approaching the end of their careers who feel really bad that they didn’t go into something that’s more helpful to their fellow man. For example, I know someone who spent forty-plus years working for a defense contractor who wishes he had had a decent guidance counselor who could have steered him into, say, pathology or medical research. I know someone else who went into computer science and does volunteer work, but wishes he had chosen a career that would actively help his fellow man.
I strongly recommend not going into a line of work that is actually harmful to your fellow humans, such as advertising. Other than that, if your job isn’t actually beneficial to others, at least you can do your best to spread good will everywhere you go. Smile at people in public. Hold a door open for someone carrying a heavy load. Pick up what somebody drops and hand it back to him. Pet-sit for your neighbors. And never, ever tailgate because it just pisses off everyone around you, and why would you want to increase the amount of anger in the world?
Yup. He is right too. I think one of his points was that ‘narcissism’ in the form of trying to be happy, joyous and at peace was the best gift we can give the world because people who are happy, joyous and at peace are more charitable, better friends, better confidants, more likely to help others and things like that. Unhappy people feel empty, don’t give to charity, have less patience and make life harder for those around them.
I agree with it too. I also feel the way gfloyd does, that scientific research is a major way to improve the world at large. Maybe not on the individual scale so much but on the grand scale 1,000 scientists are guaranteed to have major effects on the lives of thousands of people.
The ‘$6/hr thing’ was a reference to the fact that I just don’t feel something is meaningful if it is no different than a 9-5 job except you aren’t getting paid for it. By that I mean anyone can put food in a box and anyone can candy stripe a hospital ward, for some reason doing a job anyone can do just doesn’t feel the same as random acts of kindness. I remember a guy I used to know telling me a story. A young girl was with her father at a mall and he saw the father yelling at the daughter. A few minutes later he saw the daughter sitting alone crying. When he asked her what was wrong she said her father got mad and left her at the mall. He let her use his cell phone to call her grandma and talked to her until she got there to pick her up. Apparently the parents were divorced and it was the dad’s weekend to have her or something. Things like that are meaningful because they aren’t everyday chores like work, they are signs of what we are really like deep down inside about how we realte to each other. Then again the police do things like that all the time. Maybe I’m confused about my definitions.
Many people (yes radicals, I am looking at you) end up being a net drain on the world because of confrontational, ill thought out ideas, and little in the way of real results.
Being kind to others is the most important thing that one can do for the world. It does no one any good if you are constantly fighting to achieve an idealistic world in which “everyone will find happiness” if you don’t pay attention to the realities here and now.
Be respectful to everyone and treat them as equals until they give you reason to do otherwise.
The most important thing that anyone can do is to make sure that their life is in order and their family and friends are taken care of to the best of their ability. Everyone has different problems to face and I have had my share of mine but the best thing anyone can do is to try to build a stable home for kids, a cornerstone for the family, and friends. Don’t try to save the whole world before you have a handle on your own life. Don’t volunteer to be a lifeguard before you can swim yourself.
Religion has nothing to do with leading a meaningful life, in as much as how one thinks of one’s self and others, how one behaves toward others, and how one conducts one’s life, is not contingent upon holding religious beliefs. There is nothing that a person can not be or do that requires religion.
Religion can prevent a meaningful life too. Its like Shagnasty said, radicals are more of a detriment to society. That is why cults prey on confused college students who want to make a difference in the world. The members usually leave down and feel like they’ve been suckered and made the world a worse place for it by furthering a destructive system.
In a way I can see similiarities between global searches for a better life and individual searches. A person/nation can go the radical route (as alot of nations did in the 20th century) but that leaves them worse off than before. Radical communism, fascism and islamic fundamentalism just ruin lives even though they may feel like ‘saving the world’ while you’re doing them. A slow progress towards a better world is the better route. I see it the same way on an individual level, just being a good person is better than doing something radical you may regret down the road.
My little brother, just 25 years old, unexpectedly died two weeks ago. Two weeks ago I thought the answer to this question was “teach well, be kind to others, and give a bit to charity.”
Now I’m re-defining what a meaningful life means. I’m torn between thinking that life has no meaning and it doesn’t matter what one does and that I should teach my young college students even better, be much kinder to everyone, and find ways to directly give of myself besides the impersonal check to the Red Cross.
I don’t try to lead any kind of life, I just live it. I feel no responsibility to leave a mark on the world, or have a dramatic impact on anyone else’s life, or change anything for the better on a large scale. I like to think that I’m a kind, giving person, so some of those things might happen, but they aren’t goals.
What you’re missing here is that “anyone” can do anything. Anyone could have helped that little girl in the mall. Anyone can perform a random act of kindness. It doesn’t matter who “could” do something, or how easy you think it is. Putting food in a box and volunteering at a hospital is no more or less meaningful than anything else, because the person boxing the food or bringing patients water is helping people, and filling a need in society. IMHO it’s kind of shallow to think that just because something resembles a job it must not be meaningful.
BTW, I disagree that “anyone” can do hospital volunteer work: you’d be amazed at how many people hate hospitals, or are uncomfortable around sick people, or can’t take the sight of blood/bodily fluids, etc. I think you were speaking theoretically, as was I in my above reply, but I just felt the need to point this out.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I have a quote (I think by Buddha, too lazy to go downstairs and look) on my refrigerator that says, “There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.” I think that’s what I mean by “I don’t try to lead any kind of life, I just live it.” Anyone who’s ever wanted anything worth getting knows that, often, the more you pursue it the more elusive it becomes.
You are off to such a good start! I commend you for the desire to aspire to that which is noble and philantropic. (I also envy you for having a scientific mind!)
Since you know the general direction in which you want to move, follow your keenist interests in the area of science. If there is a subject which absorbs your attention, you might want to see where it leads you.
As you move through the decades of your life, you will probably become many variations of yourself. Be open to that. Be sure that you know how to learn new things. (I think that you are probably already good at that.)
One thing that has been helpful to me, as you know, is to set long range goals. But I also thoroughly live in the moment. I’m grateful for the where I am and the age that I am.
(Of course, part of that comes from being 62. I mean, what am I going to think: “Gee, I can hardly wait until I am 70 and can have a great-grandchild”?)
Anyway, you know that you are complete within yourself. You are going to have incredible opportunities on a moment to moment basis during your lifetime to be kind to other people. All of this will be in addition to the scientific research that you will be doing.
Don’t feel guilty when you can’t solve all of the problems. Just be kind when you can where you are.
I have seen a t-shirt that I would send to you if I ever saw it again. It just says:
Hold doors open for people.
Be friendly.
Talk to strangers.
Be kind to kids.
Love your pets.
Respect other human beings, regardless of all the adjectives that society places upon them. People are poeple. We all want the same basic things in life.
Return your shopping cart, damn it! This isn’t all about you!
