How do you wipe?

Bizarre question, I know, but I figured that this was the best place to post it…

Brief history - my 7 year old had a hard time learning to wipe completely. ALWAYS left tracks. Then hubby comes along and asks him why he’s reaching around the back. I looked at him like he was crazy…I’ve never heard of going through the front. Maybe because I’m a girl, but when I asked my brother (what a question for a brother, huh?), he goes from the back as well.

Fast forward a few years - turns out, my hubby’s entire family goes from the front…and they think I’m the weird one. All the sisters, and their kids…but get this…all their spouses go from the back. We’re thinking it’s a mom thing, as mom’s are usually the ones to teach this sort of behavior. I don’t know if it’s a regional thing (my parent’s are both from Arkansas, which might explain quite a bit, and hubby’s mom is from Texas and Dad’s from Iowa.)

So anyway - since I figured that Dopers are the smartest people on the planet, nay, the universe, I could settle for once and for all which was the correct method…


Two ass-wiping threads! No waiting!

Go from the back. Well-endowed men have trouble going through the front.

The real question is, do you bunch or fold? I’m a back-attack buncher.

Now, see, I came up with this idea all on my own - swear- had now idea that the other thread existed (although I can see my failure in this regard - of COURSE this would have been brought up here before).

All three of my guys, hubby included, are bunchers, but the two little ones do the reach-around-front-to-back action. I actually neighter bunch nor fold - I’m more of a roller. Hubby, who I guess needs to re-think his endowed-edness (that is NOT 12 inches???) does the sit-down-reach-through-front-to-back thing.

I go from the back. I’m able to though, some of our massively assed brothern might not be able too. I find that the reach around method (NO NOT THAT METHOD :smiley: ) generally promotes less ball-sweat left on hand, which is a plus.

As for the other issue, fold vs. bunch, I’m a folder all the way. When I was younger my brother and I had a terrible problem with bowl bust’n shits, and I (dunno about him) had to develop a way to use less toilet paper (so that the drain pipe wouldn’t explode). To accomplish this amazing task I determined that it would be better to fold the toilet paper, thus ensuring less tp used. Also, folding makes the wiper aware of the exact surface space of the ass-cleaning paper. Occasionally when I did bunch, I found that this property wasn’t inherent in the bunching design and consequentially a brown finger or two occured.

Alright. If this is what it takes to further the cause of science, here goes…

I’m a front-folder.

Doesn’t anyone realize that you have to be able to check if you got it all? Honestly. “Well, that’s four swipes. Must be clean, I guess”.

How are you gonna know unless you look? And how are you gonna look unless you’re a … how shall we say … front end user.

I used to bunch, now I fold. You live, you learn.

Any and every way to get clean. Front back from the side with or without water mostly folding but buching if needed.

Oh to be able to afford those $5000 Japanese smart-toilets that squirt and blow dry your ass! pre-heats the seat, autoflushes and one model was researching laser targeting the water stream.

Does front mean you reach in from the front and wipe from back to front? Or that you reach in from the front and wipe backwards (sounds very awkward)?

Women should wipe front to back (this would be difficult reaching in from the front, I would think) to avoid infections that can result from contaminating that front area with bacteria.

And you can still check if it’s clean doing it this way, by the way.